Feelings about/reactions to nursing your older child (Long) In need of encouragement

[livinlovinlaughin]

DS is 30months old. We are still nursing mostly in the morning, at nap, and bedtime. Before giving birth I imagined nursing for only 3months to a year. Mostly because my mom nursed us for about 3 months.  Once having DS I learned of CLW and decided this was the most natural and loving way to end such a beautiful thing for both of us. In my mind I still imagine nursing only until he is about 3. Without encouragement I really do not see him wanting to stop that early. I just can't imagine nursing him once he is in school (not that I won't).  I have mentioned to him a few times that eventually he will no longer have mommy milk and it is ok to not nurse because I will always hold him, snuggle him and love on him. Even as I say these things I am sad to think of the end of this nursing relationship.  

I do not know of anyone that we see on a regular basis that has nursed any of their children even up to a year. None of our family really practice the natural lifestyle as we do. Some understand more than others. I have mixed feelings about nursing DS as he gets older. I LOVE our nursing relationship. I feel that I do not have any direct support in CLW. The 2 people that I am closest to, DH and my mom do not understand why I want to let DS lead this process. They have both asked when he will be done. The other day DS asked to nurse in front of my mom and she said to DS "when are you going to be done nursing?" It started off with a negative tone and she realized before she finished saying it and smoothed it out.

I am assuming that most of your older nursing children do not nurse as much as my DS? I am a very private person and do not care what others think. I do have this weird feeling about others knowing DS is still nursing. I do not advertise it and almost feel embarrassed when someone finds out. I hate saying embarrassed because that is really not the right word. I feel like CLW is the right choice for us. But I do not want to have to defend our decision. I guess that is why I cringe a little when someone realizes he is still nursing. I absoultely do not want anyone to make him feel bad about still nursing. What do you say to your chile when someone makes a starnge comment about nursing?

Thank you for reading and feel free to give your opinion. Any words of encouragement? Is it well known that your older child is still nursing? Am I the only one feeling this way? What do you say to defend or support your decision to CLW or nurse your older child? It seems that people believe we are abusing our children by doing something so natural. What can we say to erase that from someone's mind? Feel free to share anything on this subject here. Thank you.

[anjsmama]

 Hugs! I'm not there yet, but I feel the same way. Everyone was right on board for me to stop nursing DS at 4 months (I was not an AP/NP parent then, or even much of a natural liver myself). Now, our family & friends think we're pretty much crazy after switching to GF, organic, cloth diapers, using EC with DD.. and now that DD is 15 weeks family is already starting to ask what my "plans" are as far as nursing DD and when is she going to start "her cereal". For now I just keep saying "I  am definitely planning to breastfeed the entire first year" and "She is not actually going to be eating baby food, and we won't start until 6 months". So far, mostly bizarre looks and a few questions, but nothing too directly negative. However I know once we pass the year mark it's going to be very uncomfortable with basically everyone we know. And even though DH has been 10000% supportive of each one of these changes, I know he too is going to start wondering about nursing past 1... or at best, past 2. I think there's a lot in him (though he'd never say it) that still believes my breasts somehow belong to him too, and he only wants short-term loan to the kids. Also I think he'd be wildly embarrassed (although again he'd never say it) for others to know when I'm nursing a toddler or young child. 

I'm already dealing with stuff with my 33 month DS as I'm explaining breastfeeding to him (since he only nursed to 4 mo).. trying to teach him that this is what moms do for their babies, and how good it is for DD and etc. And though it seems the norm to him, I keep catching comments like my little sister saying "You left your gross boob milk in a bag in our freezer" in front of DS and I know it must be confusing. 

So I don't totally understand cause I haven't got there yet, but what I can say is... You are doing a GREAT thing for your DS! CLW is such a great way for a child to learn to nourish themselves, fulfill themselves, emotionally and nutritionally. Your child's brain, body, & heart thank you forever!!!!!! I am sorry that you have to hear so much negativity, but each time you hear it keep in mind you have given your son 30 months of yourself (your physical self!) that will improve his health for life. As for others, I'd just let it go. You'll never convince them. Unfortunately part of American culture is the idea that only American culture produces beneficial things. Of course the research shows CLW is the norm in most other parts of the world, and how important it is to children, but Americans (a serious generality, but you know what I mean) think breasts are sex objects and that formula and/or cow's milk are "pretty much the same" and a way you can keep a child away from said sex objects. I know, because I used to be one of those people. 

Just let it roll Mama! Keep your DH up to speed (via articles, research) why this is so important for your DS. & Try to enjoy it while it lasts.... some day he'll be moving out and you'll be wishing he was a nursing toddler!

[crunchy_mommy]

I've recently cut my 27mo back quite a bit and as a result we tend to NIP much less frequently. (I still hope to let him lead the way but realized I had to place more limits to make it mutually acceptable NOW). My inlaws just visited for the day and they don't know DS still nurses and we managed to nurse in the bedroom a couple times without anyone knowing. We didn't actively hide it, just didn't really announce it. I also had in my head that thing about nursing until about age 3, but I can't imagine him stopping that soon, so it's a bit of a mental adjustment. Try not to get too ahead of yourself... take it week by week, day by day even. I couldn't have imagined nursing a 2yo (I didn't even think we'd nurse 'til age 1!) but it seems so natural now that I'm doing it. You may discover the same thing about nursing a 4 or 5 or 6yo. Or you might start to feel uncomfortable for whatever reason and consider encouraging him a bit to wean. Even if you fully CLW, you can set rules if you want... no nursing in public or no nursing at grandma's or whatever... I don't generally care what people think but I have one friend whose family does not allow NIP in their home so now that DS is older, I let him know before we go there that we will not nurse there, so he can nurse in the car right before we go in. We probably will adopt a similar 'rule' with the inlaws, though if it's a long visit or he's overstimulated/anxious I might take him somewhere private to nurse. But other places -- stores, the library, etc. -- I am totally comfortable NIP and we do so as needed. For me, the comfort level is higher with strangers (who I can freely ignore) than with family/friends who might be more intrusive if they don't approve, you know? But at the same time I want to 'pave the way' a bit for any other family/friends who may chose to extended-nurse, and I don't want to feel like it's something 'wrong' or 'shameful' so it's all about finding a balance I guess!

[princesstutu]

Hugs!

A nursing relationship is just that: a relationship.  And, only the people in the relationship need to worry about how it goes, as long as no abuse is occurring.  Perhaps it's time to talk with your dh and mom and tell them how unsupportive and hurtful their statements about nursing are.  And, ask them to stop saying anything about it. 

As far as needing more support, can you find a La Leche League group in your area?  Lots of LLL moms nurse for many years.

[motherhendoula]

I second the LLL meeting suggestion - i have met women there who nurse their 5 year olds - and proudly say so! 

[Asiago]

Big hug to you as well. I have been reading about the history of breastfeeding for about a year now. My baby is 18 months of age and I had read various book/manuals on breastfeeding and more or less was searching for information about a natural weaning age. That led to my interest in the history of breastfeeding. To sum it up, we seem to live in this bubble of time when babies are weaned extremely early. Their bodies have not adapted to this, ex. immune systems still take six years to mature. More or less, breastfeeding several years has been the norm for almost all of human history. In just a few generations, most of breastfeeding knowledge and skills have been lost. It's hard to even imagine but it is true (at least in western culture).

Basically by breastfeeding, you are doing what has worked for humans for two million years. If it ain't broke.......as they say. 

Hang in there. You are doing a great job.

[FarmerBeth]

My DD, and 2nd child, nurse to 3 years, and 6 months of that were tandem nursing with DS, 3rd child (I never know how to do the numbers, would DD2 mean second child and a daughter or second daughter?) who was 4 years old when he weaned.  At first I could be embarrassed, but eventually I started getting telling people that if Africans can nurse 6 year olds, the I'd take my sweet time and nurse my kids as long as we both liked.

[columbusmomma]

I am still nursing my DD. She is almost 4. I've talked to her about stopping at 4 but I don't think we will now that the time is near.  I don't have any friends(as far as I know)who are nursing a child this age, but my sister is nursing her 3 1/2yr old. so I have her support! Our family is really supportive too, and I don't mind the joking they do with her at times about still nursing. It is in good fun. I don't "announce" that I'm still nursing to just anyone, it is private and no one's business. I have told a few people and it's nice they've been supportive.I don't NIP either. When I look at my DD while she's nursing she still looks so young, they are still babies afterall, in so many ways!  She still is getting so much for nursing. I can't just "cut her off"! Good for you for nursing your little one! You always have support here. We do what feels natura as moms....who cares what others think!  Keep your head up!