ANXIETY!!!

[ashmac12]

OK, so I am a mother of a wonderful, adorable little boy who is going to be 11 months old in a few days. I have ALWAYS had anxiety, but never quite like I have been experiencing it in the past 11 months. People think I am crazy and that I need to just "Get over it". Those words hurt the most, especially since they do not know how I am feeling nor that I truly do believe I am crazy. I agree with them, that I need to get over it, the problem is I simply cannot. no matter what I do, it's still there. It feels like a bomb keeps going off in my chest and in my head. When I get up in the morning its all I can do to actually get out of bed. And when I actually DO get out of bed, I pray that my son sleeps just a little longer [of course, he hears me and wakes up, lol.] I DO love my son, I'm not saying I dont. but I constantly walk out of the house feeling like I'll never see him again. I freak out if I do something wrong. I get panic attacks at least 2 times a week. Terrible migraines. I feel helpless, like nobody in the world knows how I feel. I want to "get over this" so I can be the person I was before I became a mother, but still be a good mother at the same time. going out of the house or having to get things done gives me panic attacks. I yell at my boyfriend constantly, over NOTHING. I never seem to be hungry, I'm always tired [never sleep however] and I just want to know that I'm not the only one out there feeling this way. I don't even know really how to write down here everything I'm feeling. what i've written already isnt even a fraction of the feelings I feel every day. Has anyone ever gone through anything [even the slightest bit similar] to what I've been experiencing?

Thank you,

Mommy to KSM<3

[ashmac12]

also, on that note, I feel my relationship is failing. I depseratly want to save it, I love him very much. but we always fight and most of the time I simply just don't wanna try anymore. I want to try, just don't know how. tips?

[McGucks]

A person can no more "just get over" anxiety disorders than a person can "just get over" cancer.  My LO is going nuts so I have to go...but I will try to write back later.  I have been where you are and am doing somewhat better.  Hang in there and I will write later when DS is asleep.  Anxiety is not a personal weakness that can be overcome by willpower.

[happyhippie]

Oh no!!! I am so sorry you are going through this. Having a baby totally triggers those who are sensitive to anxiety. It did for me. Honestly, my dd is 10 mths old now and I am just starting to get better. (Thanks to Zoloft)

I had such bad anxiety that I would have massive panic attacks. 

I tried to first deal with it, by seeing a therapist. However, for the time being, it actually made things worse because it brought forth a lot of stuff that I kept shoved away, and then I had to go home and take care of my baby with more anxiety on my mind.

So then I turned to anxiety medication. Honestly, I was so apprehensive, but it has changed my life. I am able to function so much better. 

I don't know if you are ready or willing to do something like that, but it's all I have to share as for what helped.

I am also sorry your relationship isn't going so well  If it is worth saving to you, then I would really encourage you to ride it out until you can get passed the other anxiety, only so you can really see things clearly.

Anyways, I know it is crummy. Hang in there mama. 

[APToddlerMama]

Hugs, mama.  I have been where you are.  Is there a way you could see a therapist or a psychiatrist?  It is impossible to just "get over" anxiety.  It sounds like you could really use some help.  What you are going through isn't uncommon and really can get better.  Keep in mind also that the first year or two can be incredibly challenging for your relationship.  Relationship satisfaction is actually lower in the infant-preschool years than at any other point in your life.  The sleep deprivation, adjusting to new roles, etc. all take their toll.  Have you tried working out at all?  Exercise was a good way for me to release some of my anxiety.  In the end though, Lexapro was what really did the trick.  I am off of it but wouldn't hesitate for a second to go back on if I felt I needed it.  Hang in there and find a good therapist who you can talk to. 

[LynnS6]

another BTDT momma here. The others are right. If you could just "get over" anxiety/depression, you would have done it already! You have a chemical imbalance in your brain and it's not getting better. As I just posted to someone else: Please see your health care provider. You don't have to suffer like this. Your best bet would be therapy (starting with just you, where you can talk about how you feel, about your relationship, etc) + probably meds. If it hasn't gone away in this time, meds are probably a necessary 'evil'. I was on Paxil with both my kids. I'm still on a low dose because I have PMDD, and I'm starting peri-menopause. Hormone swings REALLY affect my mood.  I was able to breastfeed my kids for as long as I wanted. They're 'older' kids now (7 and 10) and both doing really really well.

Please see your doctor/midwife.

You can also look up people (therapists/psychiatrists) at Postpartum Support International.

[Annie Mac]

You'd be surprised at how common this is. You are definitely not alone. There are many things you can do; some will work for you and some won't. The first step I'd take (and the first step I DID take) is to go see a counsellor who has a specialization dealing with anxiety disorders. They will likely start with a combination of talk therapy and cognitive behavioural therapy. Often, they do this in concert with anti-anxiety meds (a counsellor can't prescribe them, but your doctor can). It takes a while, but panic disorders can totally be managed. They do not have to cripple your life. 

[ashmac12]

the only problem that i have is medicaid wont accept me bc my bf's job doesnt have any record that he used to work there and they wont accept me without him added as well. I am going to keep trying though, maybe there might be a free clinic near me somewhere. thank you all for your stories and advice :] its great to know there are others who feel the same and im not alone.

[kayleesmom]

Just wanted to send a huge hug I hope things get better soon. keep us posted.

[alyrie]

Hugs, mama. I'm right there with you. My baby is 3 months old, and my anxiety is through the roof. I was prescribed Prozac yesterday for PPD/anxiety. I hope you can get some help soon! 

ETA: Keeping busy helps a lot. Lots of playdates, meetings, outings, etc helps keep my mind off of things. 

Edited by alyrie - 5/25/11 at 11:09pm

[McGucks]

Getting back to this thread finally, sorry.  My anxiety was super high after DS2 was born.  I had a terrible time getting out of the house and couldn't stay out for longer than an hour or two without feeling really, really awful.  Things have slowly gotten better without meds, but I was pretty close to trying something because it was terrible.  I also had PPD that is, for the most part, relieved.  My main strategies have been getting out of the house once a day (playdates, LLL, library, etc.) and going for walks most days.  I feel that nursing helped both my anxiety and PPD.  I still get anxious if I am gone from the house for too long (I am a new SAHM).  I hope that you are feeling some better and that some of the responses you've gotten have been helpful.  Please keep pursuing some kind of help until you are feeling better.  You are in a hard, hard place and I feel for you.  Being a new parent is exhausting and difficult.  Yes, it is also wonderful sometimes, but I remember feeling even worse when folks would say "Oh, you're staying at home with your baby!  That must be so much fun!" and I just felt like the biggest failure for not loving every minute of it.  I DO love my son, but love alone can't fix this problem.

[happyhippie]

thanks for sharing all that caedenmomma.

How you doing AshMac?

[les_oiseau]

Hi. I have really had a hard time with anxiety. My oldest is 4 and it started pretty much after he was born. I also am genetically prone to anxiety and depression, and it had gotten pretty debilitating before, however it seemed to be really different after kids. It gets better, and it gets worse. I have never taken meds for it, partially because we have been on the lower income side of the scale. Did try free counseling, and while it didn't exactly help solve the problems directly it did help. Think it was called Thrive pregnancy resource center.

It sounds to me like some of the anxiety is caused by uncertainty with your boyfriend, I would definitely address that, and don't give up. Even if things aren't perfect, be willing to invest in keeping that relationship healthy. It is with your son's dad? It is so worth it, even though it can be very very very hard.

I have noticed that my anxiety really keeps me from addressing major issues, and then they grow into bigger and more problems. Thankfully at this point I am getting out of a lot of the anxiety, free from the depression although I still have tendencies toward it. Now that I have breakthrough on some issues it is easier to tackle the other ones. So my advice for you where you are is to identify 2-3 issues that your anxiety causes you to neglect and try to become aware of how your feelings (which are something you can not trust- feelings and intuition are different) manipulate your view of circumstances, and try to invest in those areas even though it is really hard.

Hope all is well with you and you're getting through this hard time. Keep us posted!

[ashmac12]

So, things have gotten worse. My bf actually walked out on me... i dont know if he'll be back. Im a server, and i havnt gotten any hours, i had to call my mom 3 states away to ask for money. i wish i could say that my anxiety has gotten better, but i cant. all your advice though is keeping me pushing. I have to make it through all this and i know that things eventually do get better :]

[happyhippie]

Oh no! I am so sorry to hear that! I know how that can be! Financial issues on top of everything else, really is very hard. 

Really, I hope someone has some good suggestions for you. I wish I could help, but my best advice is to get help, find single moms groups on meetup, got to postpartum ones at your hospital, do what you have to do to not be overwhelmed!

 Mama. You will get through this. Just take it one step at a time.

[Angiela]

Have you tried breathing exercises? It can be enough to help keep calm and work through things.

Here's an article  form an  anxiety counselling  site you might find helpful,

http://www.victoriastressandanxietycounselling.com/_blog/Free_Tools_and_Resources_for_Managing_Stress/post/Immediate_Stress_and_Anxiety_Relief,_Anytime,_Anywhere!/

All the best!

[birdhappy85]

Ashmac12, I'm so sorry to hear how difficult of a time you're having. Have things gotten any better in the past month?

Edited by birdhappy85 - 4/27/13 at 6:22pm

[llwr]

Originally Posted by les_oiseau 

I have noticed that my anxiety really keeps me from addressing major issues, and then they grow into bigger and more problems. Thankfully at this point I am getting out of a lot of the anxiety, free from the depression although I still have tendencies toward it. Now that I have breakthrough on some issues it is easier to tackle the other ones. So my advice for you where you are is to identify 2-3 issues that your anxiety causes you to neglect and try to become aware of how your feelings (which are something you can not trust- feelings and intuition are different) manipulate your view of circumstances, and try to invest in those areas even though it is really hard.

Yes, thank you for saying this.

My depression was not post-partum; it was long before I had children.  In MY experience I found that I would think I would be over it (for years even) but would relapse when things got hard and it would come back worse.  I had to face, deal with, and accept some things.  Please realize:  I am NOT saying anyone caused their depression or can get over it.  I AM saying that any hard time has the potential for great personal growth, and that even if the PPD was caused 100% chemically, it will probably leave behind some baggage that you would benefit by dealing with. 

[mati13]

I have a three month old and feel the exact same way. It's the most terrible feeling I have ever experienced... I have a sense of dread and fear all the time. I think medication is the only thing that doctors are going to suggest, but I think taking meds while breastfeeding will just add to my anxiety ( even if the drug is proven safe.) Unfortunately I have no advice, but just wanted to say your not alone!

[EnchantedMamma]

Anxiety is not mental weakness. It's a chemical imbalance.

There are many ways to manage it, but there is nothing wrong with needing medication if your anxiety does not fully respond to other supportive measures (nutrition, supplements, therapy etc).

I suggest looking to see if the makers of Zoloft have a payment assistance program. Many pharm companies do.

Good luck!

B vitamins help a bit, as do Omega 3s. Omega 3/EPA is good to take even with zoloft.