Transportation Issues

[christophersmom]

My foster daughter is driven by the county transportation workers to/from her visits which occur once a week. I have never been "happy" with the driver but she never really made me mad. I just felt like I needed to oversee her putting the seat in, her handling of DD, etc. She complained a lot about DD needing a paci which she won't take, etc.

Today she made me furious and I need to figure out what to do. Her worker already knows that I am really upset at the lady. She left DD's bottle in the van so DD screamed for a bottle and didn't have one at the visit until the SW scrambled and found a ready to feed but it only had 6 ounces and she takes 8. Then I get a call from daycare that transportation dropped DD off with a tag in her mouth, they said it looks like a TY beanie babies tag. DD is only 6 months has gagging issues (will be evaluated by CDSA next month) and doesn't even really take food yet, strong gag reflux. That is a HUGE choking hazard. I am sure she gave it to her to keep her from crying but she was probably crying because she was 45 minutes late on her bottle and then didn't even get enough bottle. DD is a pretty happy mellow baby, doesn't fuss a lot and really only fusses when hungry or tired. She is also very used to riding in the car.

So SW is going to talk to transportation supervisor, but I feel like I need to, too.

Driving her really isn't an option, I could take her to visit but can't pick her up, it conflicts with a weekly work meeting. Dad shows up to every visit and rescheduling to a different time isn't an option either as dad is a little slow and I don't want to mess up the schedule he knows. 

[Polliwog]

I didn't even know that your country has a transportation service. In my county, the child's social worker does it if the foster parent doesn't. I could do it for you in a pinch but I couldn't do it every week.

I would probably send an e-mail to the social worker restating your concerns and suggest that it be forwarded to the transportation supervisor.

[christophersmom]

The daycare saved the tag, it was about 1 inch by 1 inch paper folded tag shaped like a heart that says TY beanie babies. How freakin hard would it have been to remove the tag? I called the transportation supervisor and did complain. I know that it may not be that big of a deal, but the whole thing was in her mouth.

I also thought about the bottle thing, it fell out of the bag. She was probably turning hard or stopping fast for the bag to fall over and the bottle to roll out if she didn't even notice the bottle when she got DD out.

[pumpkingirl71]

I am so sorry you and your foster daughter have to deal with this.  I don't have any words of wisdom.  In our state, social works do all of the transporting.  I wish I could say they are good at it, but they stink too.  Visits are good, but hard on everyone.

[Smithie]

"Driving her really isn't an option, I could take her to visit but can't pick her up, it conflicts with a weekly work meeting. Dad shows up to every visit and rescheduling to a different time isn't an option either as dad is a little slow and I don't want to mess up the schedule he knows."

I'm glad you have empathy for biodad, but your JOB is keep dfd safe. If you aren't assigned a new driver, then switching the time so that you can transport her yourself, safely, seems like the right choice to me. 

[Polliwog]

She did her job and told the social worker her concerns. That's her job.

BTW, the OP told me that they switched her FD to another driver.

[christophersmom]

Yeah, I really like dad. He really likes our family and that DD is with us and told us that he has a lot of gratitude for us taking her in.

The supervisor called and they took that driver off DD's route so I am happy with the conclusion. She also said she would make notes that DD is not to get any toys en route. It is a short 15 minute drive.

[Smithie]

I'm so glad they were responsive to your concerns!

"She did her job and told the social worker her concerns. That's her job."

That might be the written job description, but it doesn't seem to be the way most foster parents do their job. 

[Polliwog]

But, it's not her JOB to switch the time. Foster parents usually have no control over that. The social worker and birth parents usually work that out and the child has to be there. There is sometimes some flexibility in that, but it's not typical.

[pumpkingirl71]

Scheduling visits is VERY complicated and often takes no one's best interests into consideration.

[Smithie]

I apologize if I seemed insensitive to the OP's lack of power in the situation. What I was trying to say (and stand by) is that a failure to get rid of the unsafe transport person doesn't mean that Step Two is throwing up your hands and saying "I did my job." No decent foster parent would do that. They'd try something else, like changing the time so that they could do the driving themselves, or escalating their complaint to the worker's superior, or describing the danger to the bioparent and asking for THEIR help in getting things changed, or something. 

Responsibility without authority sucks, but it is what it is. Nobody lets their baby (foster or bio) ride in a car with a person they don't trust to keep them alive unless all other options have been exhausted. 

[christophersmom]

Originally Posted by Smithie 

That might be the written job description, but it doesn't seem to be the way most foster parents do their job.

This is a bad generalization that I am sure you cannot have seen 100% of and say that most don't do their job. The ones in my cluster group, the ones on here I have met IRL are doing a great job and love the kids and take care of them.

Also, you have no idea how I parent and I do feel like you came across a little judgemental. My babies are my babies regardless if they are bio, adopted, or fostered. I will do whatever it takes to keep them safe. But polliwog is right, there are some things as a foster parent we have no control over and one of them is the timings of the visits. They need so much to fall into place, driver, supervision, recorded in court documents, room availability, etc.

Part of my original complaint with this lady in transportation with first DD was they wanted to turn her FF at age one. Are they still lawfully transporting her? Yes. Are they doing what I feel is best? No. Luckily, it never came to me having to fight it she was adopted at 13 months her last scheduled visit via Social Services was at just before age one.

Unfortunately I heard all drivers were given a stash of beanie babies and they all still had their tags on them. They all removed the tags after this incident. Thankfully, they learned a lesson thanks to me before any kids were hurt.

The driver called me and was very sorry for the incident, I think it was a true apology, but she still isn't going to drive DD.

[heatherdeg]

Smithie, you will learn that trying to make the system work the way it's supposed to for the benefit of the kids within the confines of the rules is the foster parents job.  You will also learn how incredibly complicated scheduling visits can be in some cases.  A good foster parent doesn't risk a child missing visits without first exhausting all of the "moving it up the ranks as quickly and loudly as possible" options.

The OP did that.  It's nice that you have the flexibility to have that kind of "nobody does that" attitude that would allow you to miss work meetings.  I can pretty well guarantee you that some of the best foster parents don't have that luxury. ;)

[Smithie]

"This is a bad generalization that I am sure you cannot have seen 100% of and say that most don't do their job."

I wasn't saying that at all. I was saying that most go above and beyond their job description, and act like "real" moms and dads. I've never met a foster parent who wouldn't raise Cain if their foster child was being unsafely transported. I'm sure there's SOMEBODY out there who would call and report the choking-hazard incident and then say "okeydoke, I've done my job, I'm done thinking about it" but clearly that's not you and it's not anybody else I've ever encountered IRL or online. 

[SundayCrepes]

I just feel bad that this baby (and countless other foster babies) must be transported by someone they don't really know. Seeing someone for a 15 minute ride once a week doesn't seem like much to base a relationship on. I completely support the kids having visit with their biological families, but am so sad that they are subjected to riding with practical strangers.

[queenjane]

Originally Posted by SundayCrepes 

I just feel bad that this baby (and countless other foster babies) must be transported by someone they don't really know. Seeing someone for a 15 minute ride once a week doesn't seem like much to base a relationship on. I completely support the kids having visit with their biological families, but am so sad that they are subjected to riding with practical strangers.

Where i live, the FP does all transporting. If there is a true scheduling conflict there are foster aides that will help out, but ultimately it is the FP responsibility to ensure the child arrives at visits and appts. I would not have been AT ALL comfortable having a "stranger" even if it was someone we saw every week, transporting my child. The one time i had to do that, was when the DHS transport guy arrived to take my 1yo foster daughter away to her new placement (relatives home) and i was horrified by the state of the carseat she had to be placed in. (Straps placed way too high, hopelessly twisted, and of course she was forward facing.) But i had to make the decision to send her on her way and hope she got to her new home before she woke up, or delay that transfer by making a huge deal about the carseat. I decided not to make a huge deal of the seat.

But i have heard that having "transporters" (instead of FPs) take kids to visits is the norm in many places. With my current agency, the visitation days were Tuesday and Thursday evenings (usually sometime between 4-7.) If that didnt work for the parties involved, other times could be arranged but they tried to get everyone there on those days.
 

[heatherdeg]

Yeah, where I lived (NJ) fps did not do transports; but then NJ fps have WAY more anonymity than in many other states.  It was a level of protecting the fps identity and often, protecting the child's stability by ensuring that the bps couldn't harass the fps home.  I'm not sure how that came into being--whether it was based on something that was actually occurring long before I became an fp or what.  It may also have arisen from NJ as a state being such a high COL state that generally, you never had a SAHP that was available to DO transport for visits.  Not sure.  They definitely did NOT want you interacting with bps in any way and I felt that was horrible because there were two cases where we were very willing to work with birth families on specific issues they had with their kids to see if what they dealt with at home was something that we could figure out how to deal with or what the problems were.  But it was an uphill battle that we ultimately lost.  We weren't psychologists, nutritionists, doctors or teachers (actually, I WAS a teacher with extra grad credits in SpEd, but this wasn't usually the issue--the point is the mentality of CPS that fps were not experts in anything).  I think that in NJ, we also had a LOT, LOT, LOT of fps that were really just in it to adopt--and therefore there was the underlying suspicion of sabotaging RU.  I was often used because I was such a "breath of fresh air" (their words) because I fully understood my role as fp and could've cared less if we wound up in an adoptive situation.  It just wasn't something CPS was used to.  So they kept fps VERY isolated from bps.

I'm not sorry it was that way.  We had two cases where we really, honestly and truly feared for our safety from the bps.  One of them we actually called the police to see if our line could be flagged as a foster home phone line such that if we called 911 it would be tended to differently (apparently this is possible in some states) but it wasn't possible.  Blech.

I feel bad that they have to spend 15 (or in my case, often more) minutes driving with a stranger; but 1) I feel bad that they had to come live with me--who was a complete stranger; and 2) at least where I lived, the transport worker was the same each week--so the kids grew to recognize this person in the same manner they had to adjust to building a relationship with me.  It sounds like the OP's situation was similar--that the driver was the same person each week.

[marsupial-mom]

At least they had a car seat, right? My sw showed without one sometimes and she doesn't know how to install a car seat and regularly puts them in wrong. I just fix it for her and pray my baby stays safe. A while ago they transported an infant in the wrong car seat and the baby died (suffocated). Luckily we got approved to transport ourselves and no longer have to trust the sw.