We'll definitely go with the birthing options that suit us, and not change them for her. I do worry about her *scaring* me into changing my mind, which is why I haven't told her I am thinking in the homebirth direction.
I actually may have found a nearer midwife today! She's a CPM, and my state does not recognize CPMs and likes to do things like arresting them for practicing medicine without a license, and I assume that's why I haven't heard of her before now.
I started calling every midwife I could find listed in the state, starting with those nearest me. (Three hours, three and a half hours, four hours away.) Finally one of them said that she knows someone who practices nearer me but that she doesn't give out her name and number since she's a CPM, but that she would give my name and number to the woman.
So now it's a waiting game and hoping she calls, and even if she does, she's two hours away, and there's still a matter of hoping she and I click and that I can work with her, and hoping that if we work anything out she can get here in time, and hoping we can afford her since you probably can't exactly bill medicaid if you're flying under the radar, but it may be a chance.
If so, it'd bridge the gap- I would have someone to keep reminding me that my body can do this thing, even when my mom goes out of her way to convince me it can't, basically. I'd have the reassurance of having someone there, to know that I would not panic, because that's probably my greatest fear- panicking, thinking I can't do it, and ending up at one of the hospitals I hate having the birth I don't want. (One of the two hospitals an hour away was where I had my very negative experience with my first birth, with very rude harsh staff who did things first and told the laboring scared 18yo kid after, and the other has a c-section rate near 50%.)
Which is why my mom is bothering me so bad- I'm afraid she's going to manage to scare me. So having a midwife might just bridge the gap and help me not be scared...