Potty Learning Confusion--Help Please

[MamaOnTheGo]

DD is 19 months, and has been using the potty on and off since she was about 15 months (on her own accord, we just did naked time in the morning as I got ready and she got the hang of it really quickly).  I checked out lots of books at the library, thinking she might be ready for potty training full time, and they all said either----"Wait till she's TWO!! She's not ready yet!"----or-----"just do a gradual approach".  So we've been doing the gradual thing, but now she's lost interest in the potty.  She hardly ever makes it to the potty anymore during morning naked time (she was going by herself without any reminders before, even dumping it and flushing by herself), and she pooped on the floor the other morning, right next to her potty.  I think I messed things up because in the beginning, when she was getting good at making it in the potty every time and even starting to ask to go in the potty  when she was wearing her diaper, sometimes we would go in the potty (if we were at home) and sometimes I would tell her she could go in her diaper when we were out running errands and there wasn't a potty handy.  That's the only thing I can think of--I confused her.  So... how do I remedy this?  And when is she "really" ready? She can speak and communicate very well, she tells me know a lot of the time when she's in the act of going or after she goes.  I was thinking about doing a "we're all done with diapers, it's time to wear panties now" approach, but we co-sleep and she nurses at night and before naps--will that confuse her if we still do diapers sometimes?  Any advice is much appreciated :)

[MamaOnTheGo]

--Also, I did buy her some new panties a few weeks ago and asked if she wanted to try them on, and of course the answer was no.  Any kind of clothing gets a vehement "NO!" these days, as, of course, do diapers.  The books I've read say to make buying the panties and the potty into a big deal, but the potty is old news now and the panties are not as exciting as I had hoped.  I don't really know what my question is... I guess I don't want to do "rewards" because this just seems like it's her deal---she knows what the potty is for and what she's doing when she pees and poops... but I guess I'm just afraid she's gotten too comfortable in diapers, and that I've missed the window.  So... what should I do?

[ElliesMomma]

maybe you could try one of those seats for kids that goes on the real toilet. i love those way better than a potty chair, for one thing it's "real" and doesn't need emptying, you just flush, it's the same as you use yourself so she sees that everyone goes in the same place and i just think it's a lot less work.

my best only advice would be to really focus YOURSELF and try to get a feel for her toileting rhythms. for example, my son who just turned 20 months and has been toileting off and on since 15 months, he almost always has to go in the morning. he has favorite books in each of our three bathrooms, and i "have to" sit on the sink stool next to the toilet and show him the books he wants, all whilest he poops. and poop he does. i grab the toilet first when we wake up, and when he sees that, he almost always has to go, too.

i would NOT try to go diaper free overnight. no no. not at 19 months. figure on the overnights taking much longer, and don't sweat that part one bit.

personally we are still using diapers, but he generally tells me when he has to go, and we run to the potty.

we have a laid back approach. if we catch it, GREAT. if not, oh well.

at 19 months you are way ahead of the game with any catches at all.

but put the onus on YOU to follow her rhythms. and just keep doing the best you can. try to relax!!

[Angelorum]

I just moved my 21 month old to trainers full time during the day.  He was going potty a couple times a day for many months before I switched to trainers, but I have noticed he is much more likely to make it in the potty or at least tell me right after he wets his trainers.  I was loathing the thought of cleaning up misses all the time, so when we're at home, he wears wool longies over the top to keep things cleaner.  It works great.  He's dry through his naps, so I don't put a diaper on for that, although at first I was nervous and laid him on top of a prefold.  He still wears a diaper at night, but I am making a point of it being just a plain cotton diaper, with no stay dry liner, so that he still has the wet sensation.  Last night was the first night in his life he stayed dry, I was pretty excited. I was nervous about doing errands with him in trainers but so far I haven't had any huge messes.  I have to think ahead about where I can take him potty while we're out, and I have been putting a water proof cover (just one of my snapping PUL covers from diapering) over his trainers.  Diapers are convenient for being out and about, but I think taking the plunge to day time trainers will really help with the confusion. 

And about the readiness... I don't buy the "wait until later" approach.  I just read Diaper Free Before 3, and in the beginning of that book, the author sort of dissects when and where that attitude came from, and how the theories it was based on have been proven wrong by lots of studies since then.  Sadly, I didn't find the potty training information in the book all that helpful to me.  I agree with her approach of a no-pressure, early introduction to pottying, and making it part your routine to just go at transition points during the day, but we were doing that before I read the book, and I was hoping for more advice on some specific questions I had. 

[Marissamom]

it's normal for early potty-learners to go through "regressions" and "strikes". she'll get to another developmental phase where she's ready to go back to pottying more. even with the regression you are making overall progress. and don't worry so much about what the books say, listen to your child. let her tell you how much she's ready for. 

[crunchy_mommy]

We went through basically the same thing and my solution was to put DS back in diapers full time. Sometimes he asks to go to the potty & of course we let him, but for some reason it seemed like to much stress for him when we tried full-time underwear or any other tactics I'd heard of. I took that as a sign that he just wasn't ready -- even though he was physically & cognitively ready, I guess he just wasn't... emotionally ready or something?? So we never ask him if he wants to go & are just letting it be on his own accord in his own time. I'm completely OK with him staying in diapers for another year or so at this point, but if you're in more of a rush for whatever reason obviously you may want to try a different approach!

[MamaOnTheGo]

Thank you guys for all your replies and good advice!  I am not in a hurry to get her trained, I just wanted to be sure I didn't confuse her or "delay" her by doing the gradual thing.  I'm a first time mom, and one of my more experienced friends told me, "you gotta catch them in their window, otherwise it will be FOREVER before they want to do it themselves again", so I guess thats what's at the bottom of my fears. But even if she's in diapers for two years, that's not the end of the world at all. Another part of it is that I accidently ruined my stash of cloth diapers a couple of months ago and have been using disposables ever since because I thought maybe she would be potty training soon, but maybe I just need to bite the bullet and buy another stash of less expensive diapers.  Any recommends for kids this age/this stage that are not $20 a diaper?

[crunchy_mommy]

Pocket dipes for $10-12: http://www.clothdiaperwholesale.com/ The wings tend to stick out a bit on my skinny toddler but they hold well, very well-made, cheap, and easy to get on & off while he runs off on me...

I also have some Made-in-China ones I got off ebay for about $8/ea a few years ago... they are coolababy which looks identical to sunbaby and etc. (search ebay for AIO pocket dipes and you should see them). I love the way they fit (no wings!) & they are actually my go-to diaper, but the PUL on some of mine has peeled off so we've had to toss a few over the past 2 years. So you'll save a few more bucks up-front but may not last which brings up the price per dipe a bit when you average it out... the ones that haven't peeled apart are in perfect condition though (and it may be my fault they got ruined, I didn't know you weren't supposed to wash this brand on hot...)

I think as long as you're OK with diapers for another year or two, I wouldn't worry about it. If you're happy & she's happy, what does it matter if she potty-trains at 1yo or 3yo?

[nstewart]

It's not to early for PTing and don't worry, you haven't confused her by letting her use diapers sometimes and trainers/panties others.  I do think you should take her initiative and help her along with her PTing if you are both ready.  She seems ready (but then, I think babies are born ready), but you have to be too because it will require a commitment from you now and going forward even when she is "trained" (to help her with her clothes, remind her to go, etc.)

We do EC with DS so that's the perspective I'm coming from.  He is 9 mos old and has been in trainers since he was 7 mos old during the day.  I'm not trying to push EC or anything, it isn't for everyone, but I do think that some of the concepts would really help with conventional potty training for your DD especially since she is young compared to the current standards for conventional potty training. 

I think getting her out of sposies and into cloth diapers or for some naked time would help so she feels wet when she pees.  It doesn't need to be all the time, even just a bit of time if you can keep her somewhere that clean up is easy, like on a lino floor or outside in your yard or something.  If you are up for it you could do the all done with diapers during the day approach, and use diapers at night only.  To get her "restarted" with the potty, I'd try taking her for the easy pees.  These would be right upon waking up from a nap and in the morning.  Don't let her linger in bed when she wakes, take her straight to the potty.  You could cue her with a peeing sound if you wanted, or run a tap (as we ECers do) as the sound will help her relax her bladder and pee.  Then, go on timing.  Start with 45 min to 60 min intervals and offer her the chance to use the potty.  Even if she's peed, offer anyway.  Sometimes they go just a little bit but don't empty the bladder.  The other thing that would maybe help at her age is to go together.  When you pee, take her pee too (either right after you or on her potty while you go).  As for when running errands, etc. this just takes some planning and a bit of extra time.  Be sure to offer a chance to pee immedietly before getting in the car and then make a point of stopping in at the bathroom when it's been 45 to 60 mins from leaving the house.  With DS, I actually find we have fewer missed pees when out and about because I'm more mindful and also because they tend to go less often away from home.

[Marissamom]

for diapers, my toddler is in a combination of Sunbaby OS pockets ($60 for 12 shells+12 inserts, $78 if you want 48 inserts, she wears one double-stuffed overnight), prefolds (Little lion seconds) and covers (some wrap style covers, some bummis pull-on covers that she also uses over her training pants), Kushies Ultras, and Gerber training pants. 

[schlafmanko]

My daughter's the same age, and started training at about the same time.  After she'd mastered the basic skills involved with the potty, she lost her motivation to use it.  We started asking her if she needed to pee more often and dealt with more accidents for a while, and then things got back on track.  But yesterday I read a different response to that kind of situation, which really made sense to me: http://becomingsarah.com/index.php?/becoming_sarah/comments/1304/

BTW, for when you're doing more training again--can you tell when she needs to pee at night?  We night-nurse and co-sleep, too.  I was freaked out at first to be sleeping next to a baby without diapers, but I think sleeping together actually made the transition to panties at night easier.  If she gets squirmy, I'm right there to ask if she needs to pee.