Law Guardian - Custody Issue

[ecrocks23]

Has anyone had experience with a Law Guardian appointed to the child in a custody case?  My ds is 6.5 years old and has to meet with the Law Guardian next week.  Ds' dad was MIA for several years, and has seen ds on an irregular basis for past two years (since he now lives out of the country).  Since I filed for child support last fall, he has now filed for joint legal custody and visitation.

I'm basically wondering: What should I tell ds about the Law Guardian?  Ds knows nothing about the situation, has no idea what a lawyer is, etc, but I need to tell him something before I drive him over to the Law Guardians office to visit with some strange man asking him personal questions for 30 minutes.  Also, does anyone know if what a 6 year old says is taken with a grain of salt in court?  For instance, I know my son is adventurous and would think anything sounded fun -- so if the Law Guardian asked him if he would like to take a trip and visit his dad, he'd probably say yes, sounds like fun -- not fully understanding what it means and what he's agreeing to.  So would they take his young age into account?

Thanks for any experiences you can share with how to help our kiddos navigate this Law Guardian terrain they shouldn't even really be pulled into.  

[Super~Single~Mama]

Well, you should tell him something about why he's meeting her.  "Mommy has asked a court for some help, and so the law guardian needs to talk to you about your mom and dad.  The law guardian is going to talk to you a little bit, and ask you some questions.  Don't worry too much about it, but be sure to be honest about everything she asks, and if you don't know the answer, thats OK too."

Something like that should be good enough.  You should definitely go with him and stay until you're asked to leave - introduce your DS, tell him that this is the woman/man that is going to ask him questions, thats its OK to answer her questions.  Then wait just outside the office, or in the waiting room if the office has one. 

And yeah, a court is not going to just do whatever a 6yo wants!  They really start considering a child's opinion when they are 12 or 13 I think, and then it is given weight, but the judge has the final say.  So, a 12yo who wants to live with drug addict dad b/c he has no rules, isn't going to get that. 

Anyway, don't worry too much.  It's just a formality really (AFAIK) as the Law Guardian can't really say whats in the childs best interest without at least seeing him.  I don't even know if the law guardian ever spoke to my ex during out custody proceedings b/c DS was very young.

[tccandlsccmom]

First, hug.  I share your concern about the GAL, and I for one tried to avoid exposing the kids to the GAL but my ex refuses to mediate, etc.

One important thing I have learned from others as I am prepping is to be careful about what you tell your DS ... you don't want to be unjustly accused of "coaching" or "parental alienation" when all you were doing was preparing the child for what could be a confusing (and potentially traumatic) experience. I am in the midst of working with a GAL and the big thing I have said more than once (the date for the visit has been pushed twice now, as we are out of state from the law suit venue) is "tell the truth."  

It is SO hard to have people without ties to the kids involved in making major life decisions for them, isn't it?

[incorrigible]

The court really wants the kids to have NO idea what's going on. I wouldn't tell him anything about court or lawyers or his dad or anything. Make it no big deal. We're going to stop and see your friend "Mr. SoNSo" while we're out today. Like, don't even prep him that he'll be alone with the guy. If he's in ANY way prepared, and not totally blind sided, they assume he's coached. It should be a totally mellow, friendly thing.

My xh told the kids all kinds of crazy stuff, and I would actually get in trouble for telling them they didn't have anything to worry about. He told them they'd never see me again and I was going to jail n stuff...and I got yelled at just as much as him for say "of course you'll see me. Do you really think I would deal drugs? They wouldn't put me in jail for doing nothing wrong." Since I was contradicting their dad, it was seen as badmouthing him to the kids...and telling them they wouldn't be separated from me was considered discussing the case with the kids. Only the judge could decide that, and it was totally out of line for me to discuss "possible judgements" with them!

No, really! Courts are REALLY touchy about the kids ever knowing ANYTHING.