2 yr old-is this developmental or a discipline???

[kfillmore]

My 26 month old. These behaviors somehow seam familiar to me. I think they may be common. But I want to know if it they are due to my approach to discipline or lack-there-of or are developmental. I used to work with children and was really interested in approaches to discipline but now I am sort of flailing around unsure and afraid that any direction I take will have a negative effect in the long run.

1. When DD is stopped from doing something, often physically by picking her up, occasionally grabbing her (gently but, well, sometimes a but rough. This is when she is doing things like sitting on our small dogs or throwing something etc). She gets this droopy eyed look and goes a bit floppy when I sit with her and talk ( simple talk) about what she did.

2. When she takes/grabs etc something she shouldn't have she will run like being chased. She is both having fun but also knows she is doing something she shouldn't.

3. She will often seem to do something because I asked her not to-this has become a problem because the worst of it is that she swallows things when I ask her to take something out of her mouth. It used to be I could say it fun "oh, wow what is in your mouth" or pretend to ignore and she would tale it out but now she is more likely to swallow. This is not just swallowing things though. She will pretty much DO everything I ask her not to do ( I ask when it looks like she is about to do something.)

I would LOVE to hear thoughts. I also would love to hear very specific actions that you take to teach your children.

I always ask for book suggestions. Books are hard because I have to order them which is hard because there is the risk of not liking them. I would still like to hear some book suggestions though.

thanks!!

[Verloren]

Sounds pretty similar to my DS who is not quite 25 months. I don't really have any suggestions. I haven't really had to do too much disciplining yet.

[crunchy_mommy]

I guess I'm a bit confused what your question is but I will try to answer what I THINK you're asking??? Sorry if I'm way off base though!!

Those things all sound like developmentally-appropriate/common behaviors.

1. If I stop DS from doing something, he kind of looks to the side while I talk to him -- I think this serves a similar purpose to your DD getting droopy/floppy. I don't know exactly what that purpose is though!! Maybe the beginnings of remorse/regret? Maybe an aversion to being reprimanded, however gently? Usually how I approach this is I will take him by both hands and crouch down to his level and say just a single sentence or two about why he should not ____ (climb on the dog or whatever). He does seem to internalize what I say, although obviously he still doesn't always have the impulse control to stop himself.

2. DS rarely grabs something 'he shouldn't have' because we let him have access to basically everything he can reach. So if you have a lot of things out that she's not allowed to touch, maybe you could put those things out of her reach. Very often I show him how to use or handle something safely and without breaking it, rather than take it away from him, so that's another tactic. When he grabs something really dangerous though, I just swoop him up and take it... I would see if you can reframe the chasing game (though I think it's a normal thing, I've seen lots of kids do it) as something fun -- so chase her when she's doing nothing wrong, if that makes sense? And give her a way to ask you to play -- if she's verbal, she can just say, "Mommy come chase me!" and if she's not, you could have another signal (say, if she touches a certain spot on the wall, that means she wants you to chase her). My DS loves to be chased and is always asking me to! Maybe if you fill her 'chasing' cup in a positive way she'll be less likely to do something negative to get you to chase her?

3. See if you can rephrase your requests to her. Instead of, "Take that out of your mouth," try something like, "Can you throw that in the air?" or "Can you see if you can fit that in this little container?" I don't know what other things she's doing but for another example, instead of, "Don't hit me," you could say something like, "Can you hit my hands?" or "Can you hit the floor?" Basically give her something else to do (preferably something fun & exciting) rather than asking her not to do it.