My close friend has a son who will be 2 in July. I know all toddlers go through hitting phases, and my daughter hits sometimes herself. However, my friend's son (let's call him "Johnny") is very aggressive. Right now he is the biggest in our playgroup, and he hits (with his hands and objects), pulls hair, pushes kids over, and throws things at other kids constantly. It seems like an attention seeking behavior...ie he will look right at me (or any other adult) as he throws something, knocks something off the table, and then, while his eyes are still locked with mine, he'll go to hit the child, unless we physically remove him or the other child. I am also a nanny of a smaller, crawling baby, and once she wondered away from me, and Johnny stood over her slapping her head over and over again until I ran across the room to stop him. I've started just staying right beside her while we are at their house, to protect her. My daughter, however, is a lot more independent and all over the place, so not as easy to protect, and she seems to be his main target. When he hits her, it really hurts her feelings (more than it physically hurts, I think) and she usually throws herself into my arms and bawls her eyes out...while Johnny says, "Hands are not for hitting! Johhny hit S! S crying, Johnny hit S hard and S cry!" It seems like he enjoys the reaction he gets from her.
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We have tried telling him to be gentle, redirecting, showing a lot of empathy for the hurt child. None of it has helped lessen the behaviors. I've noticed a significant increase in my daughter's hitting since we've been spending time with him, and sometimes she goes up to him out of the blue and throws something or hits him...I usually remove her from the situation and tell her to be gentle, but part of me thinks he's kind of getting a taste of his own medicine, haha. I'd never encourage her to hit anyone, but I understand her frustration(I am frustrated too!)
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My friend is an engaged, attached mom and is amazing with playful and gentle discipline in other areas...but I think she is at a loss about what to do about this particular behavior, plus overwhelmed and distracted by her older son with autism, who has a lot going on, too. I don't have much of a support group (and am a depressed, divorcing single mom thousands of miles from family and daughter's dad), and this other mom is an important part of my (small) tribe....plus when they aren't beating each other up, the kids play so wonderfully together...despite him hurting her all the time, she still loves to go to his house and asks to go play with him multiple times per day. We hang out about 2 times a week and swap childcare about 1 time a week as well...so the kids are together 3-4 times a week, for a few hours each time...so it's really not as easy as 'just don't spend time with them."
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Suggestions, please?
