Just to clarify: We are not separated. He is working in another state (he is in the military). I found out that he is living with another woman because someone tipped me off, basically. I then read all his texts messages one weekend while he was home, and it was clear what was going on. He still comes home 1-2x a month and wants to play happy married person with me. I do not play along. He has no idea that I know, but I've known since early January. I've just been working all this time getting the lawyer, full time job, childcare, household repairs, etc. lined up. The marriage hasn't been good in many years, but this is the nail in the coffin for me. I would think that if he were attuned AT ALL he would wonder why I've been so cold and distant with him, but he doesn't, and doesn't seem to suspect that I might know what is going on.
Great point about not saying I want a divorce. I can just say I am filing for divorce.
Also good point that he will likely call me once the papers are served. I plan to have him served at his house, not at work. One of my bargaining chips is that because he is in the military he could face UCMJ action if his adultery is brought to the attention of his command. He is pretty high ranking, but I am well connected too with the military, so it is likely to not go well for him and not be ignored by the command. My thinking on calling him was to get a read on his response, since I don't want him to drive up (6 hours) to the house. I'd prefer that he never come back, personally. I will be changing the locks when I serve him.
Also good point that he would hopefully figure out WHY I am filing. You'd think he might already be wondering about such things, but apparently he doesn't. I think he sees himself as invulnervable, or something, since he doesn't even bother to delete his text message record on his phone.
He is scheduled to be back the weekend of Memorial Day and I am hoping that I will have the papers back form the lawyer very shortly after that, and file mid-June. The sooner the better as far as I am concerned. I have to get through that 4 day weekend - YUCK!