I feel like we forgot to teach her a step to fall asleep. she knows 1-4 but is missing 5.

[raelize]

dd1, who is almost 5 and a half has had trouble falling asleep for the past 18 months (since she weaned). its been pretty on and off. we will figure something out and that will work for a few weeks and then it doesn't work anymore.  sometimes i wonder if it is a power struggle, sometimes i think she has some kind of insomnia.   we homeschool so we don't need to get up super early to get her out of the house. also, we have dd2 who is 21/2 and does this along with us, except for some nights when she is tired earlier and goes to sleep around 7. dd2 usually is so tired she falls asleep relatively quickly.

routine:

7:30-8 (start talking about going to sleep, picking out books, brushing teeth, getting pajamas)

8-8:45 - read books, (2-4 books depending on length, generally they each pick out 2)

8:45-  tucked in bed, nightlight (ladybug projects stars), kisses, goodnight ( close your eyes and go to sleep)

from here she will usually get up about every 20 minutes for more hugs, i walk her back in and re-tuck.  she will often do this until 1030-11. last night, at 1030, she said she wanted someone to lay down with her. dh did for almost a half hour. she was still awake. then he went to sleep and i wanted to go to sleep, so i turned out all the lights and knew she was probably really worried. she has never been the only one awake. so i laid down with her until midnight when she was finally asleep. this was a particularly late night for her. but the pattern is pretty much the same. she usually rolls around and fidgets to keep herself awake

here is what we have tried:

music

light on in hallway w/door open

lights off in hallway

magnesuim supplements

dh laying down with her

me laying down with her

guided meditation with lights out

letting her stay up with the light on till she falls asleep

checking on her ever 10 minutes

laying down with the whole family in our bed

forced naps/quiet time in the afternoon

i don't want to give her melatonin, i know its not good to start kids on that every night. as i said, all of these things will work for a few weeks or a month and then it will stop. is there some crucial step we have forgotten.  and she always wakes up at some point in the night and joins us in bed. she usually wakes up around 8 am. i know that she is not getting enough sleep because some days she is very crabby and she often looks tired in the afternoon if we have had a big day.

does ANYONE have any advice for us?

[Yuba_River]

We have shared this struggle with my DS for a long time as well. With him, it got a ton better when he stopped napping, but even so he will still have times where it is very hard for him to fall asleep. Once he starts having a hard time, it can easily take him hours to fall asleep. The two things that help us, just in case they are useful for you:

-Catching his sleepy window. Mostly that means not starting too late--we actually start bedtime around 7, lights out by 7:30 and he is hopefully asleep by 7:45. I wonder if an earlier bedtime would work better for your dd? On the other hand, there are times we have started too early, and then he gets so worked up trying to fall asleep that he can't unwind at all.

-Leaving him alone as much as possible. He is so verbal that it's hard for him not to chat the whole time we are with him. We read two books, rock and sing a couple of songs, sit for a few more minutes, then leave. We leave the door open and our house is tiny, so he can see us walking around doing chores. Sounds like you already do a variation of this though. Good luck, I know how frustrating this is! I've considered Melatonin also...