I am feeling overwhelmed and just need a space to let it all out.
I love the mdc forums, researching parenting websites, reading parenting books, looking at photos of natural toys or play spaces, and dream of having a beautifully organized home with natural toys, a sense of peace and simplicity, little clutter, fresh food, beautiful plants etc. I dream of making bread with my toddler, doing crafts, playing outside for hours, and having a routine that includes these. I want to wake up early and start my day with a cup of tea, have a good breakfast ready for DH before he goes to work, and be ready for when my son wakes up.
My reality is so different. I sleep in. My toddler wakes me up and I find it hard to get out of bed. It usually hours before I get dressed, and our breakfast is basically little things to eat over the span of 2 hours. Our apartment seems to be so cluttered. There are always dishes in the sink, laundry hanging to dry, trash that needs to be taken out. Since we got a TV I find myself relying on it to entertain my toddler 2-3 times a day so I can "get things done." I waste time on the internet. My day lacks routine but instead, by the time everyone is dressed and fed, I feel like I have to get onto errands (calling the phone company, returning a phone call, running to the dry cleaners, the gym, picking up my little sister from school, schedule appointments). I feel so lazy, and yet I feel like I am constantly busy!
I just feel so defeated. I feel that there are other moms who have achieved a peaceful home and peaceful day and are truly doing enriching things with their kids. I feel like I just cannot get there. I try to declutter, think of new ideas, etc. but I feel too overwhelmed by to-do list items, lack of sleep, and clutter.
What's worse, I feel like my toddler is getting a sub-par experience because of my own inability.