I'm so glad I found this thread. I was just siting here on the couch feeling awful because I also feel like I'm giving my kids a sub par experience.
I have this vision in my head of a clean house, three meals cooked from scratch, my kids wearing matching clothes, my hair and dd's hair done, and me sitting with the kids doing various open ended art projects. The worst part is that sometimes I *do* have days like that and when they happen I think "oh this is easy" but then it all goes haywire again and I can't get back on track.
Right now I'm nauseous and sick from morning til night. I can barely eat anything that won't send me running to throw up so I'm weak and tired all the time from no eating much. On good days I try to do things with the kids.....yesterday we made finger paint and did that outside for a while, and then wen SO came home from work at 1 AM I baked him some lemon bars. But I didn't get any laundry done, I haven't cleaned the bathroom except to empty the trash, there are constantly dishes in the sink, and we won't even get into the nutritional state of my kids' meals and snacks. I feel so guilty not giving ds the routine that he needs to thrive. I feel awful because every time I get up, I feel like puking so I've taken to asking him to get his sister a drink or a piece of fruit, or to plug this in or throw that away.
It does help that my SO is understanding because I'm pregnant. He used to tell me "my mother kept her house clean with 5 kids, why can't you?" He forgets that the oldest 3 were teenagers when he was born, and that his mom never once in his life did an art project with him, or really much of anything with him. She didn't shuttle him to story time and toddler classes and take him on an outing every single weekend. she provided food and a clean house but no "extras". Different parenting style. Luckily he sees that our kids are happy and thriving in a somewhat messy house with a disorganized but happy mom. But I still feel so guilty when he comes home at 1 AM and I'm asleep (because I have to get up in the morning with the kids) but the house is wrecked.
My goal today is to get the house in order. No art/fun stuff today. We'll see if it happens.