Is There A Way To Prevent A Thread From Being "Featured" on Facebook?

[MamieCole]

I mean, other than it just being a poor topic and unworthy? 

But seriously, is there a rhyme or reason as to which threads are chosen to be linked on FB via the Mothering FB page? And is there any way to opt out of having a thread we start linked on FB in that way? Do you ask permission of the person who started the thread before posting it to FB?

I haven't been posting much, and I've deliberately not started any recent threads because I do not feel comfortable with this feature. I'm not even a "worrier" when it comes to internet privacy...I don't mind that someone might know my name or my kids' names, don't think twice about posting pics online.

BUT, the thing that bothers me about this is that it feels sort of...I dunno...invasive? Exploitive? I'm not sure of the correct word. It just feels wrong.

If I come here, to MDC, and make a post about something a bit personal in the hopes that other people here at MDC might have some solutions or at least be able to relate, then that information is suddenly a link on FB, that gives a TON more people access to that information who otherwise would never have see it. That could be good or bad. Not everyone who "Likes" Mothering on FB is a member of this MDC community. Once something is a link on FB, anyone can click and forward it to their entire friend list. All of this greatly increases the chance that something I write here will be made available to someone whom I know IRL. For example, if I come here to vent about a mama in my playgroup, get some perspective and brainstorm solutions with like-minded MDC mamas, all of a sudden the chances of that playgroup mama seeing my post is increased, which could lead to problems in my real life.

And yes, I understand that anything I post anywhere on the net has the potential to be seen by anyone. I understand we aren't in a bubble. But there is a big difference between someone having to deliberately hunt for information vs. it being conveniently posted to their FB newsfeed.

Thoughts?

[Cynthia Mosher]

I appreciate your concerns and I'm sorry it's making you feel uncomfortable. 

A little background first. We have been featuring threads for quite a long time, even prior to Facebook. Featured threads went out in our newsletters, which were also sent to tons of folks who were not MDC members and were capable of being mass forwarded and reaching lots of people. We occasionally featured them in the magazine and on the homepage. 

We choose threads that are broadly topical - threads about your issues with your husband probably won't get picked. We do not choose threads from anything other than publicly viewable forums. If you have to have 50posts/60 days to see/post to a thread, then it won't get picked for FB. FB has a little over 40,000 followers. The only way you will see the thread that we choose to feature on Facebook is if you have liked Mothering, or you choose to seek out the page. There are over 150K members on MDC, and many of the people who like Mothering on Facebook are also members, so there is overlap.

If people are aware of your MDC user name and have liked Mothering on Facebook, then yes, people might be able to figure out that it is your post. However, if you are not using your full name on Mothering, and people you know IRL don't know your Mothering handle, then it is unlikely that people will ever connect you to a thread featured on Facebook. We do not seek permission of the thread starter when we feature a thread. But if ever you feel that something too personal has been posted on Facebook, and it is your thread, you are free to contact us and we can remove it.

[HappyHappyMommy]

Originally Posted by MamieCole 
I haven't been posting much, and I've deliberately not started any recent threads because I do not feel comfortable with this feature.

BUT, the thing that bothers me about this is that it feels sort of...I dunno...invasive? Exploitive? I'm not sure of the correct word. It just feels wrong.

[philomom]

But see, I'm not a Fbook user because I don't like it at all. I come to MDC because its not Fbook. We really do need some sort of color tip off so that we know which threads are posting to Fbook and which aren't.. because I don't want stuff I say over there.

[Ornery]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MamieCole 

I haven't been posting much, and I've deliberately not started any recent threads because I do not feel comfortable with this feature. I'm not even a "worrier" when it comes to internet privacy...I don't mind that someone might know my name or my kids' names, don't think twice about posting pics online.

BUT, the thing that bothers me about this is that it feels sort of...I dunno...invasive? Exploitive? I'm not sure of the correct word. It just feels wrong.

I wholeheartedly agree.  MDC is changing and turning into something that appears to not be compatible with my values.  I understand that there are growing pains and continue to visit with the hopes that things will get ironed out.  Unfortunately, I find myself visiting less and less.

[CatsCradle]

I found Mothering because I googled a particular key word search.  All you have to do is google any parenting subject and more times than not, Mothering threads show up.  I don't think the fact things are posted on Facebook makes the situation any less private.  Anyone can visit Mothering and despite the few forums that are only available to members, everything you post to Mothering is out there on the world wide web.  I was reading threads on Mothering.com a year before I even joined.  Not trying to underestimate peoples' sense of privacy invasion, but Mothering.com is not private.  I would be concerned about people using their real names and locations on here.  The reason MDC is "private" for me is no one in the entire universe (save DH) knows who I am on here.  That is an important issue for me when joining forums such as this.

[HappyHappyMommy]

Originally Posted by philomom 

But see, I'm not a Fbook user because I don't like it at all. I come to MDC because its not Fbook. We really do need some sort of color tip off so that we know which threads are posting to Fbook and which aren't.. because I don't want stuff I say over there.

[Adaline'sMama]

So, is there still a "no changing your username" rule?

[philomom]

Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama 

So, is there still a "no changing your username" rule?

I think so. It used to be that you could get a senior name change but I don't think you can anymore.

[HollyBearsMom]

Originally Posted by philomom 

Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama 

So, is there still a "no changing your username" rule?

I think so. It used to be that you could get a senior name change but I don't think you can anymore.

Which is a real shame since I started here long before FB and Twitter etc were in my focus.  I would have chosen a very different screen name if I knew then what I know now. While I fully accept this a public board it really bothers me that my posts are showing up there. IRL life I am very vocal about my beliefs and my support of mothering. It would not be very hard to add two and two together which would then lead many people to posts I wouldn't want them to read. Lesson learned.

[MamieCole]

Originally Posted by CatsCradle 

I found Mothering because I googled a particular key word search.  All you have to do is google any parenting subject and more times than not, Mothering threads show up.  I don't think the fact things are posted on Facebook makes the situation any less private.  Anyone can visit Mothering and despite the few forums that are only available to members, everything you post to Mothering is out there on the world wide web.  I was reading threads on Mothering.com a year before I even joined.  Not trying to underestimate peoples' sense of privacy invasion, but Mothering.com is not private.  I would be concerned about people using their real names and locations on here.  The reason MDC is "private" for me is no one in the entire universe (save DH) knows who I am on here.  That is an important issue for me when joining forums such as this.

I agree with you and totally understand your point of view. I don't think anyone here is attempting to question the level (or lack thereof) privacy when posting to a public bulletin board.

I'm finding it difficult to find the words to explain why the FB linking just feels off to me. And I'm sorry for not being able to articulate it better. 

To me, there is a big difference between knowing one person looking for information about a particular topic can Google a few words an happen upon a thread I've participated in vs. a thread I've participated in being directly linked and sent to the newsfeeds of 42,000 people on FB as a way to increase traffic to MDC, thereby increasing the views of the ads contained at MDC. Which is really what this must be about. Because if the powers that be at Mothering simply wanted to get discussion going about a particular topic on FB, they could easily do so by posting a status update consisting of the following: "Hey FB Fans, what are your thoughts on co-sleeping? Do any of you co-sleep? Why or why not?"

There is no NEED to link a specific thread from MDC in order to get discussion going, unless they are trying to increase traffic to this site. And to link the threads started by members here in order to increase traffic to this site is simply pimping us out for the $$$.

I dunno...I think more than anything I am just sad to see an institution, one I have cherished for being such a breath of fresh air, turn so...unappealing and all about the $$$. 

And the bottom line is that my complaining about it really doesn't matter.  It is what it is, and I suppose I can choose to participate or not. And right now, I'm choosing "not." 

[Drummer's Wife]

I do think they will consider name changes on an individual basis, depending on the circumstance. This might just be one of them (lack of privacy concern), so for anyone who is upset/worried about being identified, it wouldn't hurt to contact admin and ask.


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[swede]

My friend just ended up starting a new account with a new name.  SHe said it kind of stinks because now she has to wait the 60 days to get back into some forums, but that it's worth it for privacy's sake. 

[Adaline'sMama]

Yeah, not an option. And, Im pretty sure it violates the UA.

[BarefootScientist]

I fully understand that MDC is not private and that anyone can see my posts. I do try to remain anonymous here, but it's not that I'm worried someone on facebook will find out who I am or something. Like MamieCole, I guess I'm having a hard time thinking about how to articulate why this makes me uncomfortable, but it does. It just doesn't feel right. The fact that people can google stuff is not the point.

I think, at the very least, these threads should be marked. I know that I personally, do not post in a thread after I see it featured on facebook, and I am hesitant to start the type of threads that could show up on facebook - sure it might increase traffic and input to my thread, but if I post it here, I am looking for input from MDC people. Not facebook people. And not everyone is on facebook, so the fact that their threads are posted on facebook could very well make other people uncomfortable - if they knew! That's the main reason I think the threads should be marked here.

Maybe those of us who don't want our threads on facebook could just say that in the first post. But then again, what about those of us who don't even want threads we've posted on to be on facebook?

I don't know, hard to explain, but it makes me very uncomfortable. It obviously isn't as egregious a privacy violation, but it reminds me of when this new format first started up and there was a search for your friends by their email address option. Even people who hadn't been on MDC in years could be linked with their email address and they would never know. Same thing here - people who aren't on facebook will never know that people are discussing their situations on facebook. Does that make sense?

[Linda on the move]

I think the part of the reason that it feels WRONG to me is that is opens the door for others to have whole conversation about what is said without the those who started or participated in the thread even knowing what is being said. It's very different than listing topics being discussed in a format such as a newsletter which isn't interactive.

It's also icky because it's just a marketing technique. It isn't about being supportive. It's about selling.

It's really icky. And that mothering.com doesn't care that if feels icky to many long time members says a lot about where mothering is going.

[CatsCradle]

Originally Posted by MamieCole 

I agree with you and totally understand your point of view. I don't think anyone here is attempting to question the level (or lack thereof) privacy when posting to a public bulletin board.

I'm finding it difficult to find the words to explain why the FB linking just feels off to me. And I'm sorry for not being able to articulate it better. 

To me, there is a big difference between knowing one person looking for information about a particular topic can Google a few words an happen upon a thread I've participated in vs. a thread I've participated in being directly linked and sent to the newsfeeds of 42,000 people on FB as a way to increase traffic to MDC, thereby increasing the views of the ads contained at MDC. Which is really what this must be about. Because if the powers that be at Mothering simply wanted to get discussion going about a particular topic on FB, they could easily do so by posting a status update consisting of the following: "Hey FB Fans, what are your thoughts on co-sleeping? Do any of you co-sleep? Why or why not?"

There is no NEED to link a specific thread from MDC in order to get discussion going, unless they are trying to increase traffic to this site. And to link the threads started by members here in order to increase traffic to this site is simply pimping us out for the $$$.

I dunno...I think more than anything I am just sad to see an institution, one I have cherished for being such a breath of fresh air, turn so...unappealing and all about the $$$. 

And the bottom line is that my complaining about it really doesn't matter.  It is what it is, and I suppose I can choose to participate or not. And right now, I'm choosing "not." 

I can understand that, I mean, I go to Facebook for one thing and Mothering for another.  I don't seem them as connected and wouldn't want them to be.  I guess my relationships with Facebook and Mothering are two very different things.  I didn't even know that threads were being published to Facebook until I saw this thread.  On Facebook, I steer clear of any and all discussions whether it be political, religious, parenting, etc.  It is more of a place for me to give thumbs up to my friends/family's photos, etc. 
 

[karne]

Yuck.  This is another step in the wrong direction.  It redefines my sense of what the MDC "community" is becoming.

[HappyHappyMommy]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move It's also icky because it's just a marketing technique. It isn't about being supportive. It's about selling.

It's really icky. And that mothering.com doesn't care that if feels icky to many long time members says a lot about where mothering is going.

[philomom]

And what's worse is that they can see that they've upset many of us knowledgeable old timers and they just don't care.