Wehrli - Our meeting went fairly well too. We live in a "no second parent adoption state". However, there is precedence for joint custody/guardianship so she feels very confident about being able to get us that (which wouldn't be that bad in and of itself). However, our situation is unique in that DW is donating her eggs and I will be carrying which is an "un-tested" situation in our state. We will likely pursue the precedent-setting option of petitioning for an "Order of Parentage" based on our status with one of us as genetic mother and the other as carrying. The order apparently would have stronger legal standing should something happen to one of us though our day-to-day rights (e.g., medical decisions, insurance, day-care, etc.) will all be covered by the guardianship.
Kudos to you both for being willing to push the envelope! I feel ya on the forever paying for this part of it. It is going to hurt but we feel like it is worth it. Some lawyers are brave and willing to offer a break on the cost for precedent-setting situations in an effort to do the right thing and work to change unfair laws. I am wondering if that would be an option - either with your existing lawyer or another in the area??