I have all these feelings that I feel people in my current world do not quite understand. I was hoping to find an understanding soul here. I have made a few threads talking about how difficult it is dealing with my family before, about how they are against the way we parent our child, and I think we've just decided enough is enough.
I wish these are words that I could say to my family (parents and two brothers) but my husband and I truly believe it'll just waste time.
We view our 18 month old daughter as a person. So naturally if she wants to nap, we let her nap. She is still breastfeeding. She is still cosleeping. She is attached to her parents, and prefers us over others at times (but will give the occassional cuddle to others she is comfortable with). She is advanced in talking, but not in English. She is lactose intolerant, or was diagnosed as so by her doctor, but even lactose free milk seems to upset her. So Naturally, we do not give anything with milk-product in it anymore. I am a stay at home mother. We have never once left her alone with someone else.
My family raised their children much differently, and disagree with all of the above. Yesterday, three relatives I have never met before came over, and my brother and mother suddenly decide to tell them about our 'bad' parenting ways. The guests seemed indifferent, but it was all in front of me, and i felt their intention was to humiliate me knowing I would not blow up in front of people I do not know.
They wouldn't respect my daughter's nap, saying it was merely me forcing her to sleep. (They don't believe in naps) They tried to give her cow's milk saying the words, 'you don't need your mommy's boobs.' and when I politely refuse their offers, I always hurt their feelings, because I'm 'so particular.'
I felt so much pressure but I did not want to fight. They always say these things when my husband is not around (cause they know he would defend me, and they know what they say would offend him), and when my mother tries to make me change my parenting she always starts out with, 'don't tell you husband, just decide and he will go along with it. men do not raise children.'
I started to cry, and then my brother and mother, in front of the guests, continued to tell me how it was bad to cry in front of my child, and how I was being stupid. (I agree about crying in front of my child.) My daughter saw me, and walked up to me, trying to make the sides of my mouth smile with her fingers, and told me with a worried look, 'I love you,' in the language we teach her.
I'm just so tired. When my family is around, I feel like she is never in my arms. Or that her schedule gets so messed up and that if she doesn't comply with whatever we want to do, I get looked down upon like it was my fault for not 'setting her straight.' My daughter is a headstrong person, and my husband and I like that.
We have decided to move back to my husband's country within a year. It will be financially unstable at first, but we feel we have no other choice.
Would you make the same decision? I feel so helpless. I feel like I'm a child. I feel bad for my husband who has to see all of this. I am dedicating today to empowering myself with some mantras and good vibes. I need to be strong for our daughter..