Okay now I feel I need to say something else. And I do realize this is the internet and it is fully my fault for posting such sensitive and personal information online -- reactions and opinions are free to be fired at will. I just thought since most of us were educated and thoughtful that I could get some support, not all this backlash about why I 'let this all happen.'
People who are experienced with helping those who are abused know never to say, 'why do you stay?' and 'why do you let it happen?' because that kind of language may sound like it is one-who-is-abused's fault for all this happening (it's not very settling to know that you guys are saying things that mirror these phrases: 'well, if you didn't do that, then you wouldn't have gotten hit,' or 'if you still stuck around, then it's your fault for it happening to you.') It's proof that there was judgement passed on me and my quality of mothering.
At the same time, it is also relieving to know that people view this as extreme as I do. After knowing a lot of your reactions mirror my feelings to just want to get it over with and forever try and forget, I don't feel as guilty. So I do thank you for those sentiments. I feel a bit more sane.
My family came from a third world country where the best thing a parent did for their child was feeding them, and giving them an education. There wasn't any information out there for them (or more like they never seeked it) on how to connect with their children. So I believe they became obsessed with control, and JUST DID NOT KNOW ANY BETTER. In their society, and yes, even while living in this country for almost 3 decades, their children, no matter the age, must obey them out of 'respect.' This is not an excuse for them, but because I UNDERSTOOD (not the same as accept) this, I guess I was just hoping I could show them there were other ways of communicating. I was hoping that by watching my daughter and husband, they would realize my 'radical' ways do work, and just let go their need for control. Cause that's all physical/emotional abuse really is, it's about CONTROL. I wholeheartedly believe in things like Transformative Justice, and maybe it was just plain silly of me to think I could accomplish such things in my family's type of culture.
With that being said I think I will leave MDC. Admittedly I am now to ashamed and embarrassed to continue in this community as a 'troll' or someone who has already been judged. I have faith that my husband and I will figure things out peacefully on our own. Thank you all for your input. I wish to be as strong as a lot of you someday!