Would this bug you?

[APToddlerMama]

So, I am pregnant and supposed to be taking things very easy due to a placental separation and SCH.  We hired a babysitter for a few hours a day a few days a week to come over and play with DS who is three years old because I can't do much and he needs time to go outside, etc. 

Anyhow, babysitter does. not. talk.  I mean doesn't talk.  Whether I am in the room or not, she doesn't talk to DS.  At all.  She doesn't really play either.  He goes into a different room and she doesn't even follow him.  I sat upstairs reading and listening today and she didn't say a single word for an entire hour.  She broke her silence to ask me a question when I came down. Would this bug you??

[MSWmama]

It would! It's one thing to be a little more introverted, but to not talk to a 3 y/o for an hour seems really strange. And not following him to another room would bug me even more. That's her job - to talk to him, play with him, and be where he is. I'd be looking for a new sitter or having a talk with this one about interacting w him more.

I hope you're feeling better soon!

[ollyoxenfree]

I think you are entitled to decide the job criteria. So if you want someone who will interact with him, talk to him, play, sing, dance, whatever, (and personally, I think that's all part of babysitting), then that is the job description and you should make that clear. If she can't fulfill the job, then you are entitled to find someone who can. 

 When you interviewed her, did she interact and talk directly with him at that time?  I'm wondering how you came to choose her for the job. Did you hire her for her other qualifications (advanced degrees, first aid, experience, good references, housekeeping services....) If she interacted well with him during the interview, maybe she wasn't feeling well herself or something else was going on the day she seemed distant and uninterested. If it's a regular pattern with her and it's happening every time she's with him, then I'd step in immediately and deal with it. 

[coldandsleepy]

That would bug me, and I think it would drive DS insane.  He talks to everyone and everything.  

I'd definitely talk to her about it!

[APToddlerMama]

Thanks everyone!  She didn't even say goodbye to him when she left.  Nothing.  I just don't think it is going to work out but I haven't ever fired someone and feel really weird doing it.  The job description was pretty clear and there is no housework other than picking up after DS which she also didn't do.  She just sat.  He spilled a bowl of cereal and it stayed spilled.......  Ugh.  I feel sort of bad for her because she seemed shy and nervous but we like to talk here.  She can hold a conversation fine with adults, is in grad school, great experience, early childhood education, good reference, etc...  Back to the drawing board...

[crunchy_mommy]

Um yeah... I'm incredibly shy/quiet but I'd find that weird and unacceptable. What's the point of her even being there if she won't interact with him???

[JudiAU]

Not only would it bug me, I would fire her over it. Kids really need verbal interaction, in addition to play. It doesn't sound like she is doing either very well. Find someone else...

[laohaire]

I am an introvert, but I don't know what to DO with people other than talk, lol.

I had a friend who was super, super, super nice and a wonderful woman, but she didn't seem to want to talk. She did talk a little, but definitely no free-flowing conversation. It was kind of stressful to me because I was spending so much effort trying to converse. Probably she found it stressful and would have preferred someone to spend time in companionable silence. I could probably handle that if we were at least doing something specific (knitting, gardening, building something, studying) but we were just hanging and watching our kids play.

Also recently I went to another mom's house for a playdate. I expected her to be a real extrovert, I'm not sure why. But conversation with her was like pulling teeth. I quit trying after a while, and then she went off to interact with the kids instead. <shrug>

Back to the topic, yeah, that wouldn't work for me. Babysitting IS, in my opinion, a social job. You could have a nanny cam or something to make sure your kid wasn't setting the house on fire, but what you really want is a human being for your child to interact with (not necessarily play, but just be there for human contact).

[APToddlerMama]

Thank you all!  So now...how to fire her... feedback? 

[scottishmommy]

Just call her and say " hey, there's been a change in plans, and unfortunately we don't need your services anymore. Thank you so much for your time and good luck with your graduate studies". Or something like that. Good luck!

[crunchy_mommy]

You can just be honest, say something like, "I'm sorry, this just isn't working out," or "I don't think you're really clicking with DS, thank you for your time though!"

[reezley]

I've never fired (or hired) a babysitter before, and I agree you don't owe her more than "we won't be needing your services anymore, thank you and good luck" as pp said, but I think I would tend to put a little more info into why it's not working out. I just tend to blab that way I guess, but I'd probably say that now that I've thought about it more ds is a kid who's really outgoing and at an age when he really needs someone who's more teacher-y and has more experience with planning activities, providing more of a preschool-type experience for him.  I'd feel bad though, I can see how it can be nerve-wracking babysitting when the mother is home - but truly someone with more experience would have the confidence to handle that.

[mamazee]

I'd fire her for that. SHe isn't doing anything. Just say you don't need her to come back anymore.

[NYCVeg]

I would definitely fire her, and I would probably be upfront about the fact that you don't think that the way she's interacting with your son is what you were looking for. I don't understand what she thinks she's being paid to do.

We've used many college-age babysitters over the years and some were very introverted with me and DH, but they were ALWAYS extremely talkative/interactive with dd. Their JOB was to play with her! 

[K1329]

It sounds like you're home with the sitter. As a replacement, you might consider a "mothers helper". I hired one (a friends dd) when I was having health issues. She was 12 at the time & young and energetic with my kids. And cheap, too!

[APToddlerMama]

Thanks everyone!  I fired her via email.  Said something like we would no longer be needing her, thanks for her time and best of luck in her studies.  I didn't feel like giving her an explanation.  If she can't figure it out having worked in a preschool for four years and being a grad student, I guess that is too bad.  I have enough on my plate now I guess without worrying that I need to explain that when I hire and pay a babysitter (quite well) to babysit my kid and pick up after him, it would include saying goodbye to him when she leaves, following him into a different room where he's playing, and picking up a bowl of spilled cereal and milk.  A mother's helper is a fantastic idea but kids go to year round school here and have periodic three weeks breaks so there isn't anyone who could really help me.   I realize it is tough to babysit with mom home, which is why I tried to stay out of the way, go upstairs, etc., but it didn't seem to help.  Thanks for all the advice!  It is nice to have a reality check and many good ideas on letting her go too. 

[Amatullah0]

Maybe a homeschooled kid would be interested in the job?

I was shocked when you said she was a grad student. 

[Lisa1970]

I would not bother to have a sitter who does not speak to the child. I would find someone else. She is probably very introverted so I would replace her without hurting her feelings if possible. But I would move on.

[Lisa1970]

Glad you fired her. For a grad student..this is completely unacceptable. I thought you were talking a young teen.

I second the hiring a home schooler. They never seem to stop talking (I know, as I home schooled my daughter and know other home schoolers). They are available during the day often times. I love home schoolers for sitters because I do not have to work around their school schedules.
 

Originally Posted by APToddlerMama 

Thanks everyone!  I fired her via email.  Said something like we would no longer be needing her, thanks for her time and best of luck in her studies.  I didn't feel like giving her an explanation.  If she can't figure it out having worked in a preschool for four years and being a grad student, I guess that is too bad.  I have enough on my plate now I guess without worrying that I need to explain that when I hire and pay a babysitter (quite well) to babysit my kid and pick up after him, it would include saying goodbye to him when she leaves, following him into a different room where he's playing, and picking up a bowl of spilled cereal and milk.  A mother's helper is a fantastic idea but kids go to year round school here and have periodic three weeks breaks so there isn't anyone who could really help me.   I realize it is tough to babysit with mom home, which is why I tried to stay out of the way, go upstairs, etc., but it didn't seem to help.  Thanks for all the advice!  It is nice to have a reality check and many good ideas on letting her go too. 

[Lisa1970]

Originally Posted by K1329 

It sounds like you're home with the sitter. As a replacement, you might consider a "mothers helper". I hired one (a friends dd) when I was having health issues. She was 12 at the time & young and energetic with my kids. And cheap, too!

12 yr olds are very helpful with young children. They want to babysit, but are not old enough to do it home alone really. So as a mother's helper, they can do it. And they still have all the energy and interest in the little ones.