Co-sleeping, but would like to be able to stay up after baby falls asleep...

[nm7300]

Hi mamas (& papas?) -- Any thoughts on how to get back up after nursing LO to sleep? My son is 10mo. I nurse him to sleep in bed and either (a) can't get out of bed because he wakes & starts nursing again every time I move, or (b) stays asleep when I get up, but then wakes 20 minutes later crying. :( I would just LOVE to have an hour or so to myself after he goes to sleep, to read or watch TV or otherwise relax. Any suggestions?

[barefootdoula]

I'm also in this same predicament, so I feel your pain. So far, the only thing that I'm able to do after she goes to bed is read, or quietly research things on my iPhone. I hope someone else has a better solution to offer!

[PoetryLover]

subbing. I'm there, too, with my 15 month old. It's weird because during the daytime I can sneak away after he falls asleep. But at night time he's awake 20 minutes later.

[BeckyBird]

I have a sneaky trick....I turn a floor fan on high, so there is a lot of white noise in the room. Then, I nurse my baby to sleep. When it is time to leave, I have become a master at quietly delatching myself from her, and slowly sneaking away. The noise of the fan drowns out any noise from our living room, so  my husband and I can watch funny shows and laugh out loud. Speaking of laughing, there's a new Office on tv tonight

P.S. My dd went through a phase where she would wake up about 40 min after putting her to sleep. Soooo frustrating! I would just go back in and do it all over again, and usually it would "stick" the second time around. She was somewhere around 15 months like yours, PoetryLover, and thankfully she grew out of it (for now. We know how these phases repeat themselves lol!)

[PoetryLover]

I'll have to try the fan trick!

Originally Posted by BeckyBird 

I have a sneaky trick....I turn a floor fan on high, so there is a lot of white noise in the room. Then, I nurse my baby to sleep. When it is time to leave, I have become a master at quietly delatching myself from her, and slowly sneaking away. The noise of the fan drowns out any noise from our living room, so  my husband and I can watch funny shows and laugh out loud. Speaking of laughing, there's a new Office on tv tonight

P.S. My dd went through a phase where she would wake up about 40 min after putting her to sleep. Soooo frustrating! I would just go back in and do it all over again, and usually it would "stick" the second time around. She was somewhere around 15 months like yours, PoetryLover, and thankfully she grew out of it (for now. We know how these phases repeat themselves lol!)

[Bubblette]

We don't nurse to sleep lying down for this very reason.  I nurse DS to sleep sitting up in my comfy nursing chair and then settle him into bed.  DH often lends a hand and makes the transfer for me.  We found that once all snuggled up lying down ds really resents the person he's cuddling moving away, but if you can get him asleep and in bed by himself he stays asleep.

[luvymommy]

aren't you worried about your baby rolling out of bed when you leave the room, or are your mattresses really close to the floor? I'm just trying to figure out how people make the co-sleeping thing work.  My daughter was in bed with me whenever she wanted as a baby but once she was old enough to roll out, I couldn't leave her there.

[PoetryLover]

luvymommy, I put a pillow next to my son when he naps in bed and he has never, ever rolled off the bed.

[xzaviers_mama]

I'm in the same situation.  DS3 is 20 months old, and it's almost impossible to get him down and then continue my night.  It's very frustrating, because I feel like my husband and I rarely spend any time together.  I miss being able to snuggle on the couch and watch a movie...  :(

[xzaviers_mama]

Originally Posted by luvymommy 

aren't you worried about your baby rolling out of bed when you leave the room, or are your mattresses really close to the floor? I'm just trying to figure out how people make the co-sleeping thing work.  My daughter was in bed with me whenever she wanted as a baby but once she was old enough to roll out, I couldn't leave her there.

We also put up pillows when our boys were little.  I've coslept with all 3 of my kids, and never had any issues.  Now that DS3 is older, I just put him up against the wall (I have my bed in a corner, to make co sleeping easier), and if he wakes up, he gets down and comes out of our room.

[nm7300]

Originally Posted by Bubblette 

We don't nurse to sleep lying down for this very reason.  I nurse DS to sleep sitting up in my comfy nursing chair and then settle him into bed.  DH often lends a hand and makes the transfer for me.  We found that once all snuggled up lying down ds really resents the person he's cuddling moving away, but if you can get him asleep and in bed by himself he stays asleep.

Hmmmm...good point! I haven't really tried sitting & nursing him, because he's not generally into that ever (it's always lying down or walking w/ him in the carrier...or just walking w/o a carrier while I try to hold onto him as he nurses!!). But maybe I'll reintroduce the chair & see how that works.

On a sidenote, I think part of the problem is taking away my body heat...that must be really noticeable to him!

[nm7300]

Originally Posted by luvymommy 

aren't you worried about your baby rolling out of bed when you leave the room, or are your mattresses really close to the floor? I'm just trying to figure out how people make the co-sleeping thing work.  My daughter was in bed with me whenever she wanted as a baby but once she was old enough to roll out, I couldn't leave her there.

We recently moved our mattress from a bed frame to the floor for this reason. I also surround him on all sides with pillows. I still worry, though! But at least now he's only a few inches off the floor, so if he were to fall, I think he'd maybe get a little rug burn at worst....

[ckunze]

I stopped nursing laying down for this reason too.  Even at night I usually sit up now.  When I was nursing sideline at night my daughter started waking up more.  I think when I would hear her start to stir I would move in to nurse while still partly sleeping - and she didn't need to nurse all those times, possibly she just needed a change of position.  Then she got used to it and wanted to pacify at night.

Now when if my 5 month old daughter wakes up withing 30 min after nursing to sleep I'll walk her instead of nursing.  The first time took about 10 or 15 min (5min of crying) for her to be totally ok with not nursing back to sleep.  When she'd get really calm and sleepy I set her back down to finish falling asleep her self.  If she starts crying or is too frustrated I pick her up and walk her until calm again.  The first night doing this I probably picked her up 5 times or more.  After the first night it was less times of picking her up.  It's only been a week of doing thing... though already yeilding great results!  She more likely to fall asleep and stay asleep on her own.  She doesn't need me so much to go back to sleep either, Love It!

She's sleeping longer periods too- about 3 hours between feedings though sometimes more .. it used to be 1.5-2 hours for feeds.

During the day I try to have at least one nap where she doesn't fall asleep while nursing.  Instead falls asleep during a walk or a drive, then we nurse when she wakes up.  Really focusing on helping her be able to get herself to sleep when she's tired.

Hope this helps.

[Bubblette]

We moved our mattress to the floor when DS really started moving/ stopped needing to be swaddled at about 6 months.  After about 2 months of that we changed things a bit again, we put the crib mattress ( a crib he's never been in! ) on the floor next to our bed. So that the crib mattress is in the corner and then our bed is snugged right next to it.  DS naps and starts the night on the crib mattress and then moves into bed with his first feed of the night.

*For us* it works best to still nurse side lying during the night. I've always nursed DS back to sleep in the middle of the night and we've been lucky in that he streached out between feeds naturally.  I think it's a pretty awesome set up  .  DS has gotten the feeling of sleeping without always being snuggled up next to mama or daddy, we get to snuggle together for the start of the night, and yet when DS wakes up he can nurse right back down and he's never alone or scared without us. 

[prothyraia]

Originally Posted by nm7300 On a sidenote, I think part of the problem is taking away my body heat...that must be really noticeable to him!

Slip in a hot water bottle wrapped in a thin blanket when you leave?

[To-Fu]

My 12mo nurses to sleep lying down in the family bed (his 3yo brother falls asleep nursing, too, but in his own room and joins us later).  We use an air purifier for white noise in both boys' rooms and I carefully position myself while we're nursing for easy extraction.  I get out slowly, body part by body part.  He has foam bumpers on all sides and we use a video monitor to keep track of him. 

He always wakes up about 45 minutes after falling asleep.  I've read it's the first wakeup in a normal sleep cycle, so it's no biggie.  I go up and nurse him back down and then he almost always stays asleep for a pretty long stretch.  Just because your LO is waking that first time doesn't mean it will be like that all night!  Although, your mileage may vary--some babies just need to physically be with someone when they sleep.

[moonstones]

subbing

we have the same issue: only at bedtime, not at naptime. 

[tankgirl73]

I learned to gradually roll away, very very slowly heh... and that often did the trick.  

But it depended on her age and stage... sometimes she was just more needy.  And yeah, sometimes that first wake-up just needs a 'top-up' (or a pee, since we EC'd) and then she was good for hours.  

As for falling off the bed, we had a bedrail on one side and the other side was too far away from her.  ;)  When she was old enough that she theoretically could have woken up and crawled off before we heard her, we used a baby monitor.

But my other suggestion -- if the stuff you want to do to relax is just read or watch TV, and not stuff like athletics or loud board games with hubby or whatever, then have you considered just wearing him?  That's we did most of the time with my daughter... ESPECIALLY the phases where she absolutely wouldn't let us leave her alone.  I'd just strap her in with a pouch or wrap sling and go about my business.  She'd drift off to sleep, and stay comfy cozy while I did my thing.

In fact, we often found it easier to get it down by herself this way, rather than nursing then rolling away.  One of us would wear her to sleep, then carefully set her down -- sling and all -- just unwrapping whatever we needed to to get it off, and leaving it down on the bed with her.  She'd usually settle just fine like that.  

So yeah, I understand the need to sometimes have baby OFF your body, but if your options are 1) lie in bed all evening with him, annoyed that you can't do anything else, or 2) wear him and be able to go read your book, then I'd pick #2 most of the time.  :)  The days when they prefer to be off your body all the time anyway come far too fast!!

[KayPea]

DD was like that at that age too, and having white noise really helped (we used a white noise CD). I also would put a pillow next to her, by her torso and legs, that had something on it that smelled like me (usually the shirt I was wearing to bed the night before). We used bed rails on our bed to keep her from rolling off. 

And yes, she would wake up 45 minutes (or sometimes 20 minutes!) later and we'd repeat the process, and then she'd be good for 2 or 3 hours.

But this was a gradual discovery process, and it didn't get totally refined until she was 14 or 15 months. My DH and I used to trade off lying with her and watching shows on the laptop on the days when she just wouldn't settle without someone there. And yes, we used to wear her sometimes too, though we were really trying to associate the bed with sleeping, and not the Ergo. And yes, it used to drive me bananas. 

[EarthBirthLady]

wow. I was in exaaact same situation described above but in the last 2 weeks it just got worse...he is 10 m old, and since 8 m old had been sleeping through the night except for one diaper change/nurse session at around 4 am. Now we have entered the 7th circle of hell as he wakes up crying 30 minutes after falling asleep at bedtime (this is with me being in bed next to him). I nurse him back to sleep/ comfort him...and he might sleep an hour maybe an hour and half....then wake up crying and nurse again. repeat cycle. he went from nursing once maybe twice at night for 2 months to nursing at LEAST 6 times at night and often waking up crying and sometimes waking up altogether and wanting to play in bed and talk loudly. (not worried about him falling as we have 2 queen beds on floor, off frames or box springs, and pillows around floor off the bed as well). He did recently break another tooth through, but even when we give him teething tablets right before bed it seems to not make a difference. We have trialed him being too hot, or too cold, and I always feel for wetness in diaper when he wakes...I really am sort of out of tricks. I am hoping this is jsut a phase as I am as exhausted as the newborn days. At first I wished I could keep him asleep so I could get up and spend time with DH or just read or something out of bed...but now I am just wishing we could all sleep! Please tell me this is a (short) phase or theres something I am not thinking of?