preschool with much younger kids?

[Positana]

Our pediatrician has advised us that our 2.5 yo is very advanced, intellectually as well as socially, for his age.  Already, she is recommending that we try getting him into a gifted program when he's old enough, or certain private schools that are more progressive about accommodating advanced children than others.  Our immediate worry, however, is preschool.

Come fall, when he'll be almost 3, we would like to put him in a part-time program because we think it would be fun for him and expose him to ideas and experiences we would not be able to provide in our small, yardless apartment.  However... we live in a city where there is a severe shortage of preschool spaces, and the only preschool we have a good shot at happens to be one that does not separate its old 2s from its young 2s.  Since his bday just misses the cutoff for the 3s, he may well end up being the oldest in his class, with at least half the class much younger than him.

Do you think being in a preschool class filled with younger kids -- especially at the age of 3 -- would be detrimental to a gifted child's development?

The preschool's director is aware of his gifts and has assured us the teachers would work with him.... but I also see that the classroom he would be in is filled with toys way too simple for him (huge blocks with only 3 shapes... while he has been constructing fantastical architectural creations with much smaller, more intricate and more colorful colorful blocks at home.... Puzzles in that classroom range from huge single-piece wooden peg boards to 24-piece sets... while he has for long been putting together 100-piece jigsaw puzzles on his own at home.  The classroom has a simple steps-and-tunnel climbing gym appropriate for tots but that I fear would just bore my boy, who is above average in height for his age, very physically adept and has long been accustomed to climbing much more difficult contraptions, like ladders and chain-nets, on the playground. 

My child interacts a lot with playmates his age -- they rolls cars back and forth, hold hands to jump, even talk.  I fear he would not be able to communicate at all with younger kids who might be more into parallel play.  In fact, all his playmates now are exactly his age or older.  He has not engaged with a single child younger than him, even by a few months, that I've tried to introduce him to during play dates.

I am certainly not trying to push my child ahead of his age group... I already know that no preschool can perfectly meet his intellectual needs (he essentially taught himself the entire alphabet, upper and lower case, well before he turned 2 and can easily count to 40 and do a bit of very simple reading... stuff that he has learned on his own and that no preschool I know teaches even to 3-yos).  But would putting him in this class amount to holding him back, by sticking him with many younger kids who can't talk, may still be in diapers, not as physically coordinated and may be more interested in parallel play?  There will likely be no one, other than the teachers, older than him in this class.

Things that attract me to this program:  It is part of a strong, church-affiliated school that purports to teach humanistic values as part of the curriculum.  I also have a second child due this summer, and I would like my son to have somewhere else he could go that he could call his own for part of each day.  Also, since we don't have many other options (other than taking classes in the neighborhood and continuing home-based playdates) I fear that he may still be missing out on social and other learning in a preschool setting.

Or should I try harder, venture out of our immediate neighborhood and take a chance at wait lists, to get him into a preschool class with more children his age?

Experienced parents of gifted children, please share your thoughts!  I apologize for this long post but I have been losing a lot of sleep over this. 
 

I thank you so much for your wisdom and guidance.

[KCMichigan]

1st- will they allow him in the 3s class? Even if you agree to have him remain there next year (when he 'would' be eligible) or move forward if eligible?

I teach 3yr old preschool (most of my kiddos have turned 4 by this time of year), we had a little guy join us in Jan that had  'just' turned 3 (in Dec). Cut off is normally Sept, but we had room and he is academically advanced (though we are play based). So he joined us with the understanding that if needed, he would remain with the same class next year (now he is youngest, next year one of the oldest).

That said-- this little guy is bright and likely will be tested gifted as he gets older. He knows all his letters, his letter sounds, numbers, an astounding amount of factual information about space, trains, and animals. After a meeting last week-- he will stay with us another year. Socially, he needs some more time to develop a longer attention span, gain some skills on how to socialize, learn some independence, etc. All of the reasons he will stay in the class he 'belongs' (and this year he is young for) are for social-emotional growth & fine motor development (he struggles to do some activities like cutting, coloring, painting, prewriting, lacing, threading,etc that are geared toward young 4s, old 3s- he is still not even 3.5) that are age appropriate, but not on the same level as the current classroom set up. 

We have adapted things for him, but next fall if he moved to the next class- the standards would be even higher and both his parents and his teachers dont want him to get frustrated at what his body just cant do yet (skip, ride a trike, draw, cut, manipulate small objects,etc). Academically- he is past most of our kiddos and verbally-linguistic is probably unmatched, but he simply does not have the fine motor/gross motor and social skills right now to express all the wonderful things he wants to physically do. Next year-- I think will help- he will be able to build a stronger physical base and continue to explore all the wonderful ideas he has. Hopefully- as his fine motor and gross motor skills get stronger he will be able to get less frustrated that he cant cut out his beloved letter B or cant quite get the beads of a pattern that he knows so well to stay on a string. The play based nature of the program makes it a very doable situation. He would have been very very restless in a 2s program so this worked out well. A 2 yr old classroom would not have had the material, subjects, or activities geared toward the type of play he needed. Most 2 yr old classrooms will not have smaller toys due to chocking hazards--- usually those items (dice, small manipulatives, figurines, puzzles) get added in the 3yr old classes as kids age out of the 'mouthing' stage.

But that is only one example- one kiddo.

My own DDs went from youngest in a preschool class (last year) to oldest this year. I do not think it was detrimental at all since both were play based programs. When they were youngest (old 3 to young 4s) in a 4 yr old class-- they were bit socially behind even though they were age appropriate, but both could read/write/do simple math. The big gap between social skills and academic skills was glaring when among their peers. One DD has some special needs so it was even more unbalanced. BUT their teacher was great at adjusting the academics to their level and encouraging social growth. They learned & matured a lot. It was a fabulous experience!

This year- due to moving and cut-off dates. They are now the oldest in their PreK class. Still, they are reading at a high level, can write well,and both have mastered the K math curriculum. BUT socially-- again. It has been positive since it was play based. They got to explore science experiments (and illustrate), delved into acting out favorite stories, and more. Once again, we had a teacher that did adjust for academics when needed--- they have simply kept moving forward academically and both assumed leadership roles in the classroom as the oldest. Yes, at times one of my DDs was restless-- but at 5, she has learned compassion for her peers that are just getting letter sounds, she has learned that each person is good at different things and learns at a different rate, she has learned to independently look for information in the class library when she wants to know more, she also gained a lot of confidence. 

Do I wish they went to K instead of PreK this year. Yes- but do I think they had fantastic preschool/PreK experiences. YES! Our solution for next year-- was to put them in a K/1 class as K kiddos to help better match ages with academic abilities. They will be middle ages, but both have already been flagged for the GT programming.

We also did a lot of classes (art, gymnastics, zoo enrichment programs, storytime, book club, etc) that helped feed their desire for more information about the world. Preschool so far was great for social, emotional, and physical growth. 

Everything turned out better than I could have hoped for back when they were 3. Now as they go into Kindergaren, things may change. But we will see how the public schools work out.

Also, at 2.5--- there is not way to predict a child what a child will be like at age 5+. Honestly, one of my DD  was fairly delayed socially and moderately gross motor form age 9months to age 4-- hours of therapies. I never never would have imagined that at age 5.5 she would have advanced language, high reading, good fine motor,  and extremely strong abstract thinking skills. Some areas that she excelled at at 2.5 (literacy, language, factual knowledge) are still strong areas....but others are not (she used to be obsessed with numbers, but has very little interest in math since about age 3).  She could barely hold a crayon at 3-- now she does intricate pictures.There is just no way of knowing.

Good Luck and I hope you find something that 'feels' like a good fit for your kiddo.

I would explore your options. Tour other preschools (maybe montessouri?) or maybe find a class that is multi-aged, allows some age flexibility, or alternative programs (zoo programs, library, art classes, etc). If your DS is academically above age level -- avoid a academic based- letter of the week type program that may bore him, a play based program allows for exploration at the childs level- as well as a lot of hands-on experiences that teach positive social skills.

Edited by KCMichigan - 5/19/11 at 12:44pm

[ollyoxenfree]

I would favour a pre-school with multi-age classes or at least a less rigid approach to determining placement. I saw a lot of benefits for my children in classes with a range from 3 to 6 y.o.'s (and they actually both started younger than age 3). If your child's development is closer to the 3 y.o.'s, that room seems like the appropriate place for him. It's arbitrary to separate children based on age, especially when development varies so widely in pre-schoolers. 

I'd discuss it with the school admin. and teachers. I'd want a few more details about how they will "work with him". I'd ask to observe the 2 y.o. room, and look for how they deal with the more advanced children. Likely there are a couple of others, or at least one (statistically speaking) and you'll get a better idea whether they actually do anything for these kids or if it's just lip service to soothe parents. 

It's fairly common to get a response in this forum that gifted pre-schoolers just need to play at this stage. I tend to agree, but I also think that the quality of play is very important. I think you have some valid concerns that a socially and intellectually advanced child may become frustrated if other children will only parallel play and aren't able to participate in the same activities that interest the advanced child.  

[moominmamma]

Originally Posted by ollyoxenfree 

It's fairly common to get a response in this forum that gifted pre-schoolers just need to play at this stage. I tend to agree, but I also think that the quality of play is very important. I think you have some valid concerns that a socially and intellectually advanced child may become frustrated if other children will only parallel play and aren't able to participate in the same activities that interest the advanced child.  

.... or if the materials and resources available for parallel play are ill-suited to him.

For me the obvious answer would be be nix preschool entirely. Home can provide a completely individualized environment and resources that suits his needs and interests and his desire for challenge. Far from believing that children adapting to a younger sibling need a place and time that's just theirs, I think that they need desperately to feel included in their changing family and in the life of their new sibling. They need reassurance that their favoured place in their parents' eyes isn't being supplanted by the latest greatest baby. My eldest (HG/PG) did the better part of a year of multi-age/multi-level preschool but I kept her home the year I had a 2-year-old and a new baby ... and it was the best thing for her. She adapted SO beautifully to her new sibling, and actually had a tremendous burst in intellectual development around the time her sister was born. She was just feeling so useful, and excited to spend time with the baby, and so proud and big and competent in her big sister role, it seemed to spur her on.

Miranda

[ollyoxenfree]

Originally Posted by Positana 

Do you think being in a preschool class filled with younger kids -- especially at the age of 3 -- would be detrimental to a gifted child's development?

I re-read your post, and came back to respond to this concern since it didn't register with me before. I don't think it will be "detrimental to development" to spend time with younger children, in the sense that it will slow or retard or otherwise be harmful to him. I think that he might be happier and more engaged with older children and that room would be more appropriate for him. There's a difference between a poor classroom fit and "detrimental to development". 

[A-time-to-live]

My DD (26 months) is currently in a 2-year old class (she was placed there when she started at 21 months at my request). I believe that the next youngest child is 5 months older than her. She seems happy enough to go to school her 3 half days a week but I can't wait to take her out. There are 10 kids in the class and 2 teachers and I don't have the impression that she is getting the attention that she needs there. My impression is that the teachers are so busy diapering, potty training, preparing materials for activities (art, snack, lunch), and comforting kids (because a peer pushed them, took a toy away, etc) that they don't have time to really get to know the kids or support their play/socialization in any meaningful away. At the end of every day They send home a note and on it they list every single activity that they do during the day. I had asked that instead they write one sentence telling me about one thing that she really enjoyed - what she did or said or said - who she played with. Instead they continue to include the list but will occasionally highlight 2-3 activities that she "really enjoyed." I've since found out that the list isn't even accurate - I believe they fill out the forms before the kids arrive based on their "lesson plans." I definitely don't feel like they know my daughter. Sure she has the opportunity to socialize with peers and there are 2-3 that she can talk/play with for short amounts of time. But I can also provide her with a peer or two at home to play with and actually facilitate the play. I think it probably is not the ideal program so take this with a grain of salt but - unfortunately my take away impression is that I'm not sure a 2-year old class is the best environment for an average 2-year-old and I'd definitely explore other options.

[physmom]

DD started a Montessori school at just over 2 and she's currently in the 0-2 room.  We had some similar concerns about the environment especially regarding puzzles (you can actually see another post I made here http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/1304961/how-does-this-normally-work-x-posted) because she was doing 48-100 piece puzzles at home but there they only offered the peg puzzles/insert puzzles. 

We did have a rough start but that was probably do to many external factors (different language, new country, separation anxiety, missing previous friends etc).  However, things have settled down quite a bit and DD is really enjoying herself.  She's made a lot of friends and certainly misses them on the weekends.  I do think we've lucked out a lot with the environment and there are some things that really help: 1.) There's an almost 3 year old girl there who's VERY verbal and seems to have become DD's BFF 2.) There's a very small teacher-to-student ratio (3 to 1) and the same teacher typically stays with the same 3 kids so they have a very close bond to her 3.) There's a lot of age mixing.  It's in a buliding with kids up to 9th grade and recess is with them all together.  Also older kids stop by often and visit the younger kids too. 4.) DD LOVES painting/drawing/playdough so even if the books and puzzles are not what she's used to she can get a lot out of those activities. 5.) She also loves babies and there's a ridiculously cute baby in the classroom too.  6.) Pretty much all the kids are potty trained, at her school they put all the kids in underwear and take them to the bathroom at regular intervals (you just bring a change of clothes).  DD still has the occasional accident but is pretty much potty trained otherwise. 

So that's my experience.... looking at your situation I'd probably try and see if there is a multi-age environment nearby. We're very biased towards Montessori but I know that not all Montessori schools are good.  However, if you have one that's not too far away I'd strongly consider that.  If not that, any multi-age environment would be my preference over a school that segregates by age.  Like others said something more play-based would also be a good option too.  I, honestly, wouldn't hesitate to look outside your neighborhood.  We take a bus ride 30 min each way to DD's school and we definitely feel it's worth it.  Plus, she's normally pretty entertained on the bus ride itself so it's not a bad deal overall. 

As for questions for the preschool you're looking at: 1.) do they ever mix the 2's and 3's group for activities?  2.) would they move up your son if the environment wasn't appropriate? 3.) how structured are the activities, must he participate if he doesn't want to?  4.) what's the age span of the kids? are any very verbal?  how many are still in diapers? 5.) if the school is a bad fit do you need to pay for the whole year or can you pull him out at any time?

[loraxc]

My DD was an old and extremely verbal 2 in a classroom of mostly male (not talking) younger 2s for a while, and it wasn't great. She was often frustrated and spent most of her time with the teachers. She should have moved up to the 3-5 classroom earlier, really, but there wasn't space and also she WAS emotionally her age, or younger.

However, I think it can really, really depend on the teacher, the classroom, and the other kids. I would visit and try to get a sense of it. Don't be afraid to ask how old the other kids are. It also will depend somewhat on his personality--is her very social or content to play alone a lot?

My son is a young 3 and goes to an in-home daycare with kids 18 months-4.5. It's been a fabulous fit for him because the older kids integrate him completely, even though there are only a few of them.

ETA that when DD had that not-great period, she was in daycare full-time. I think a whole day of that was too much. A couple of mornings a week--I wouldn't have been concerned. I'm a fan of preschool for short periods.

[ollyoxenfree]

Originally Posted by Positana 

Come fall, when he'll be almost 3, we would like to put him in a part-time program because we think it would be fun for him and expose him to ideas and experiences we would not be able to provide in our small, yardless apartment.  

.......

The preschool's director is aware of his gifts and has assured us the teachers would work with him.... but I also see that the classroom he would be in is filled with toys way too simple for him (huge blocks with only 3 shapes... while he has been constructing fantastical architectural creations with much smaller, more intricate and more colorful colorful blocks at home.... Puzzles in that classroom range from huge single-piece wooden peg boards to 24-piece sets... while he has for long been putting together 100-piece jigsaw puzzles on his own at home.  The classroom has a simple steps-and-tunnel climbing gym appropriate for tots but that I fear would just bore my boy, who is above average in height for his age, very physically adept and has long been accustomed to climbing much more difficult contraptions, like ladders and chain-nets, on the playground. 

.........

Foregoing pre-school and staying home is certainly a good option. It may be a challenge in your circumstances ("small, yardless apartment"), but it sounds like you have been offering him a lot of great opportunities at home already.

However, if you find a suitable pre-school environment (that's really key), I don't think it's a bad idea if your ds is ready and eager to go. I don't think he will necessarily feel like he's not being included in your family or he's been displaced or whatever the concern might be.  

We were in similar circumstances when my DS started pre-school.  He's an extroverted, social kid who was eager to expand into new experiences. He enjoyed having "somewhere else he could go that he could call his own for part of each day", as you put it.  He loved the interesting new materials (it was Montessori) and thrived in the class. I was pregnant with our second child - my 2 have almost the same age differential as yours. I don't think he ever considered pre-school as a means to get him out of the way of the new baby. He started school before his 3rd birthday, months before she arrived, so he was already established in a new routine when she was born. There wasn't a stark connection between the two events. I remember how proud he was to show off his new baby sister to his classmates. They've always had a good relationship. Now that they are teens, they go to events together (all-ages shows, concerts), share their stuff (DD even borrows DS's clothes sometimes), and generally get along really well. Yes, they fight over who spends longer in the bathroom, but there's never been problems with sibling rivalry or jealousy or disconnection from the family. 

In your case, your ds would be starting school after the baby's birth but since you are planning part-time attendance, I don't think a few hours a week has to feel like he is being dumped out of the family, especially if you are careful how you handle it. He will still have plenty of time to bond with his new sibling. If you anticipate that it will be hard to keep him occupied in your small apartment and he will be happy in a fun, caring, interesting class for a few mornings or afternoons a week, then it sounds like a good plan. If he's ready for a pre-school experience, then that would be the case whether or not there was a second child arriving. 

[TiredX2]

DS has an 8/31 birthday in a district with an 8/31 cutoff and his best little friend when he was younger was younger than him.  DS didn't want to go to preschool unless he went with BF.  So, we sent him to the younger class.

It was a co-op play based preschool so we weren't worried about the academics at all, but I wouldn't do it again.  Especially with an older sister, DS was used to playing in-depth imagination games.  The other kids (who were 2 weeks-11 months younger), especially the other boys, just weren't there yet.  They couldn't play a board game, follow a complex imaginary game, etc...  He spent a lot of his time rather lonely and bored.  He did like the outside play, though!

In your position, I would probalby just seek out more activities (swimming lessons, movement classes, memberships to children's museums, zoos & aquariums, etc...).

Good luck!

[St. Margaret]

That would have driven my dd bonkers. She loves checking out "baby" stuff for maybe a while and then definitely wants her own advanced stuff. Of course many gifted kids that young just want to play w the adults but it does sound limiting in materials. The moral foundation sounds nice but I would be looking for another school or just hs'ing, which is what we are doing. We do dance lessons plus yoga at the library and storytimes, etc. And lots of playgroup days, library often twice a week, different ones etc, and then we do themes to motivate us to keep checking out cool stuff, going places, etc.

[quaz]

Instead of preschool, have you looked at other programs?
When my girls were young, I put them in a variety of park/rec programs, sports, etc.

I looked at it as, I had the money that I would have forked over for preschool to spend on extracurriculars and supplies.

I didn't go with prek until the year before K.  That worked for one child, and was a big regret of mine for my other child.

On your actual question...  as another poster put, no it isn't necessarily detrimental, but it may cause issues. You won't know, though, because some of it depends on personality.

One of my kids had a miserable time in prek, because she was older, and was academically ahead. I would have pulled her, but she really like the teacher/school. The social element was the problem, and finding to find common ground with the kids.  The preschool experience was a poor one for her, and it took over 6 months for her to recover from it.

Tammy

[whatsnextmom]

You know, kids are different. I was very against more than 1 year of preschool with my first child. Even when she went, it was only 2 mornings a week.... 4 hours a week total. It was totally play-based and she loved it even though she was reading novels, playing the violin, writing her own stories, ect. I wouldn't say she really connected with her peers. She was on the older side but it was an enjoyable experience. Then came DS and I had no intention of sending him more than a year but man, he was TOUGH! His social needs were so intense. He had all sorts of sensitivities. He was overly cautious about everything.... just all around tricky to parent. One day at the park, he wandered into the community center preschool class and didn't want to leave. He was two and I'd never seen him take to a new environment like that. I loved the teachers and philosophy and so I signed him up 2 mornings a week. He just LOVED it. He did 3 mornings the next year. He loved the routine. The interaction with teachers and other kids calmed him at home. I got a break which I admit, I really needed as my introvert self struggled with his constant need for interaction.

Preschool was positive for my kids. I taught preschool for several years. I've seen it have great benefits for whole families whether the child was gifted or not. Typically, I wouldn't reccomend more than a year of play-based preschool for a gifted child but hey, my DS is gifted and 2 years of preschool was great! There can certainly be long-term academic benefits for at-risk kids but I don't feel it's a neccessity for a child in a stable home with interactive parents. Your child isn't going to "miss" anything by opting out this year and going next certainly!  Your chilYour

You are just going to have to go with your gut here I'm afraid.

Edited by whatsnextmom - 5/21/11 at 9:52am

[LynnS6]

The point of preschool, IMO, is to learn social skills, to have fun and to learn to play with others. It doesn't really matter whether the kids are academically advanced or not. My kids both got tons out of preschool (dd was clearly advanced during preschool, ds not so much). Furthermore, both really needed to work on their skills with other kids, and the daycare they were in 3x a week gave them that chance.

We actually chose to stay at that school for kindergarten even though there were more 'academic' choices out there. I didn't think my kids needed more academics. They needed more time to play, explore and learn to negotiate. Both of my kids were still academically advanced when they hit first grade. Ds mildly so, dd very much so. But that has much more to do with personality and interests. Ds spent his entire K year drawing pictures of fire trucks and buses, and a lot of time playing firefighter and bus driver. So, his skills weren't that high, but he had the background knowledge to get where he needed to be.

Background/world knowledge is actually a pretty good predictor of reading ability by 4th grade. So, if I had to choose an area to enrich my kids, it wouldn't be focusing on academics. It would be focusing on exploring the world, science, stories, etc.

[Aliyahsmommy]

I would definitely look into a 3-6 Montessori program that would take him a bit early as my daughter's school would. Montessori definitely would fit his needs as it would have works suitable for a child up to six years old and if they have an elementary program(my daughter's does) then they could even bring in works from the elementary classes as he progresses.

As for if being with younger kids would be detrimental, I wouldn't think so. However, it might not be beneficial either as it might just be where nothing is gotten from it.

[joensally]

IMO, it depends on what you're looking for.  I wouldn't have gone for it myself as I'd want my child to have more mutual experiences than I think would occur among a group of two year olds.  And, just because I'm suspicious like that, why is this the only available spot in a community where everything is full?

I think mom and me programming (community centre, library), swimming classes at a local park if available, trips to the playground can provide lots of opportunities until the "right" preschool opportunity presents itself.  GL.

[chaimom]

I haven't read all the responses, but I will say "yes," I think it would be detrimental to put him in a class with kids younger both chronologically and cognitively.  My dd was almost the oldest in her 3's playbased preschool class (all ages of 3) and it was frustrating for her. She had no peers.  My dd potty trained when she was about 20 months, and about half the class was still in diapers, which she found revolting.  In addition, she knew all her letters and sounds and was beginning to sound out words.  I'm not sure any of the kids in her class knew what letters were.  They didn't have legos, as that would be a choking hazard for most 3's, and the puzzles were 3-4 piece puzzles that left much to be desired.  

I asked if she could be moved up, and the school refused.  They said I should let her be the leader in the class.  Honestly I think they just wanted one easy kid in there. She didn't come away with any friends after the entire year, which I wasn't surprised about considering the huge differences between the kids. Honestly, how can your son learn socialization if his peers are so much younger and far behind him?  My dd is going into k next year and I still kick myself for not taking her out of the school when I found out half the class was in diapers.  I put her in a public pre-k this year that's been perfect.  She actually goes into the k class for reading and math, and spends the rest of the time with her age-peers.  She's not the oldest, and that's been great, too.  In first, she'll go into an HGT program. 

[loraxc]

My dd is going into k next year and I still kick myself for not taking her out of the school when I found out half the class was in diapers.

Just a reminder, though--giftedness does not necessarily equate to early potty training, as many on this forum would be happy to tell you!

[moominmamma]

Originally Posted by loraxc 

My dd is going into k next year and I still kick myself for not taking her out of the school when I found out half the class was in diapers.

Just a reminder, though--giftedness does not necessarily equate to early potty training, as many on this forum would be happy to tell you!

Indeed! My two most highly gifted kids potty-trained at ages 39 months and 13 months respectively. There is incredible variability in this in gifted kids -- at least as much as in their non- gifted counterparts.

Miranda

[serenbat]

 My dd was almost the oldest in her 3's playbased preschool class (all ages of 3) and it was frustrating for her. She had no peers.  My dd potty trained when she was about 20 months, and about half the class was still in diapers, which she found revolting.  In addition, she knew all her letters and sounds and was beginning to sound out words.  I'm not sure any of the kids in her class knew what letters were.  They didn't have legos, as that would be a choking hazard for most 3's, and the puzzles were 3-4 piece puzzles that left much to be desired.  

no way could mine deal with this situation like this - setting would not have worked at all for both of my gifted children

Honestly, how can your son learn socialization if his peers are so much younger and far behind him? 

this speaks to both my DD and DS

regarding kids still in diapers-both of mine would have thought they were with babies and that would have worked against them (both trained early and regard those in diapers as not their peers)

another really important factor for both of mine were peers that are highly verbal, my DS really can not relate to same age peers if they are not at his verbal level and goes toward much older, will not even attempt to play with them if he can not interact verbally on their level- my DD would just be off on her own rather then join in