Feel like something is wrong with her

[lynnesg]

I posted this is the SN category, but am getting no answers, so maybe you ladies can help me:

I had my 32 month old dd evaluated through EI 2 months ago and they said she is a normal 2.5 year old. They agreed her speech is somewhat delayed but not enough to qualify for ST. I felt the appt. was short and I didnt get enough time to explain my concerns. I felt relived the first few days, but 3 weeks ago she started a playschool for 2 year olds and her delays are so much more obvious now. I am also noticing things I didn;t before her appt with EI. She can talk in 4-5 words sentences, but it seems pretty unvariable. If she wants a bow in her hair she will likley say ''put bow in hair.'' Not ''Can you put this bow in my hair'' or anything close to that. Her pronouns are just now emerging but used incorrectly often. She cannot chose between 2 options, she will always answer ''yes'' instead of picking one. I took a lot of work on my end to get her to answer ''yes'' to questions instead of repeating the last word for a yes answer. Ex: Do you want water? ''water''. Her speech just seems limited to me. If she doesn't want her baby brother touching her toys, she will always say ''pick up Brent'' nothing different. It seems most of her speech are memorized phrases. She can come up with her own sentences, but a lot of what she says is memorized. She used to repeat the last word of a question she didn't understand, but now that seems to be going away. It seems not only is she behind her peers in speech, but she's not learning speech the same way. She is super super shy as well. She likes to sit next to kids, play near them, but she will not talk or interact with them. She can't tell me about her day at school or what she did. Yesterday when I picked her up, I asked her if she went outside and played. I knew she didn't because it was raining but she replied ''yes.'' It's like she doesn't understand what I am asking her. She is also super shy. She gets excited to see my brothers, but as soon as they pick her up, she says 'I want mama'' yet she loves all women, even strangers! On the flip side, she is loving, affectionate, says I love you to me, my DH, baby brother, her grandma. She has been able to say her first and last name and age since before 2 yesr old. Recongnizes even extended family in pictures. Loves to read, laugh, be tickled, read books, play dress up and pretend play. Makes eye contact and smiles and responds to name 100% of time for both me and even people she doesn't know. Knows all her colors, counts, says ABCs, likes to dance and sing songs.Excellent fine and gross motor skills. She seems like a regular little girl on the outside, but I just feel she is different. Everyone tells me I'm paranoid, but I can't help but feel it. She has an appt. next week for a developmental assesment and an appt. the weeks after with a private SLP. What do you ladies think?

[lovepickles]

If you feel something IS wrong then spend your energy trying to accept it and plan a new course of action that will allow you to be the kind of parent that your child needs. Children develop differently at all stages and while some have very real issues to contend with, rest assured that you CAN manage the outcome. Stick close to your child and keep an eye out for ways, perhaps special ways, that you can meet her needs.

And above all try to stay calm about your fears ... your child needs you to set the tone.

Make a list prior to any meetings for all of the questions that you want answered. Take a friend (or even a tape recorder) to be a fly on the wall so that you can review the meeting later. Sometimes emotions can interfere with what you hear so it is best to have someone discuss what they heard in the same meeting.

Also, trust your gut and get second and third opinions if you feel the need.

[Niamh]

I think that you should trust your gut, but calm down. Breathe through the next week, don't get worked up, and see what is said at her appointment with the developmental specialist.

FWIW, my 3-year-old son has no words yet. None. Nada. Zip. He is also quite withdrawn in public. I don't make a big deal out of it because I don't want others to and at this point we don't know how much of it is personality and how much might be 'delays'. At this point, my fears are just that - MY fears. He doesn't need them pushed onto him, even if I don't realize I'm doing it.

Also FWIW, at this point, with what you've said, there *might* be delays, but much of what you're talking about sounds like personality. Shyness is not a bad trait to have. Her speech doesn't sound frighteningly 'behind'. And being different can be a very, very good thing.

[treegardner]

I think you should listen to your heart if you truly feel something is wrong, but from what you described your DD sounds "normal" to me.

 

[sapphire_chan]

My dd is 32.5 months and is perfectly capable of saying "Can you put this bow in my hair" but will not do so without prompting. She's more likely to start out by saying "*whine* *whine* fork!" and then will say "can I have fork mommy?" after I model "can I have a fork please Mommy" for her.

"Yes" to everything sounds a bit less annoying than "no" to everything, but either is a concern. You might try playing some deliberate games about those concepts and see if it's just a matter of not getting yes/no.

The mixing up pronoun things is 100% normal, and will continue to be normal for a few years.

At this point, I'd tell her teachers your concerns, ask them to keep an eye out and to tell you anything they notice. Then you'll either be reassured or will have some backing going into another eval.

[poorlittlefish]

I second everyone else about trusting your gut but your DD sounds just like mine did at 2.5.  Even now at 3.5 she says yes to things I know didn't happen--if I ask her what she had for lunch at daycare she always says the same thing.  I think your DD sounds very normal. 

[crunchy_mommy]

Well I agree with the others that she sounds 'normal' to me, but since your gut says otherwise, I'm glad you're getting second opinions!! Make a list of your concerns along with specific examples to bring to your appointment. Those appointments can be so overwhelming and it's so easy for something to slip your mind! It might also help if you could rephrase the problem you're seeing in terms of a goal (or several goals) -- "I would like her to be able to do XYZ," because that might help you get someone to help her in a more concrete way.

Oh and my DS is famous for the 'yes' thing -- "Did you ride a rocketship to the moon today?" "Yeah."

[Abraisme]

Yup, I agree with this. 
 

Originally Posted by treegardner 

I think you should listen to your heart if you truly feel something is wrong, but from what you described your DD sounds "normal" to me.

 

[lynnesg]

Thank all you ladies soooo much. I know I need to stay calm for her; I have gotten pretty upset in front of her before. I know all kids do develop differently, it's just tough to accept the old cliche when every Tom Dick and Jane is miles ahead of her and I work so hard to get her to talk. Yes, sometimes she will come out with long perfected sentences that shock me, it's just so far and few between. I did write down a list of all the questions/quirks to share with the developmental specialist next week...good advice. I hope my gut instinct is wrong, but even if its not, I know there is good therapy to get her the help she needs. Thank you all!

[sapphire_chan]

Does she actually have a speech delay or does she just not talk much? Because most people tell me dd is a bit advanced and it sounds like your dd has a similar amount of vocabulary and a similar ability to use her vocabulary.

[Niamh]

Originally Posted by lynnesg and I work so hard to get her to talk.

I think that maybe you should back off of this. And I say that as a mother who has quietly freaked out about her son's complete lack of verbal communication before. Just let her be for a bit.
 

[lynnesg]

We had our developmental assesment today and dd does not have any autism at all, ''as far off the spectrum as you can get'' said the psychologist. But, I knew my mommy instincts were right, she did note a communication issue with her expressive language development, primarily social communication or ''pragmatics.'' She also noted a little social anxiety or ''shyness'' that is most likely due to her expressive language issues. She has an appt. next week with an SLP and the psych. believes its mild and she could really benefit from speech therapy. Do any of you mom have exprience with ST and expressive language kids? How did it go for your child(ren)?

[NZJMama]

Good job following your instincts Mama. I work in EI and it is ALWAYS better to err on the cautious side. DS had ST at 18 months and it made a big difference for him (purely an articulation delay). Now at 4 he goes to a group to work on artic. The ST will have so many ways to help your DD. You will probably see improvements pretty quick.

[not_telling]

I had a child in my kg class who had issues with expressive language.  This was 3 years ago, so I'm trying to remember the nuances of her challenges.  I remember she would really struggle to come up with the words she wanted to say.  And sometimes her grammar/syntax was a bit convoluted...as though she were a few years younger.  It was often difficult to understand the idea she was trying to get across because she'd sort of talk around the idea for a long time.  She was well-loved by peers, but they often had a hard time maintaining focus when she was spoke during group times.  If I remember correctly, she didn't get her evaluation until kg (maybe at the end of prek?) and started working with a speech therapist a few months/halfway into the kg year.  I did notice improvement by the end of her kg year and was told be her 1st grade teacher the following year that she was doing really well.