10 month old biting/kissing

[HeckedyPeg]

Hello all!

My DS is 10.5 months, and a very affectionate happy little guy. He loves to see other babies and we have had play dates with a few new friends. Lately, he's been kind of excited and he tries to crawl on, grab, and kiss/bite other kids. Last week we went to a Parent and Me class, full of new kids and he kept trying to climb over and grab this one little boy. He's smiling and laughing and I of course say No and tell him we use gentle hands when we touch people, and we don't bite, but he doesn't understand! Today he met a new baby who is a little younger, and he crawled up to him real fast and put his face right into this other baby's face and tried to either bite or kiss him, which totally freaked that baby out and made him start screaming; then my DS proceeded to crawl-chase a two year old around the room which was pretty funny to watch, but sad because the two year old was kind of afraid of him. I don't want my kid to be the scary biter kid!

I think he's "kissing", coming at our faces with an open mouth, but then he bites once he makes contact; he bites our shoulders as well. He's also teething and puts EVERYTHING in his mouth, and already has 5 very sharp teeth.

Anytime this happens I always pull him away, I say no in a stern voice (if he pulls my glasses off or tries to grab the kitty), remind him to use gentle hands and soft touching and no biting, but I'm really not sure he's understanding me at all. He's always grabbing and pulling at my DH and I - our faces, climbing on us while we sit on the floor, pulling on my hair, pulling my glasses off (a BIG no-no!) and trying to eat the cat.

I don't want to discourage him being affectionate or friendly to other kids, but he seems to lack the caution most other babes have, and will just get all up in someones face! 

What would you do??

[Terrilein]

I don't think there's a lot you can do with a baby that young. My dd used to be a biter and she didn't grow out of it until she was like 2 years old. Thankfully she'd only bite me and her father, though. I'd just try to intervene as quick as you can where you can and model soft touching. But don't expect too much. Their motor skills at that age are still developing. And for the biting, I think I read once that you could have your child try out his teeth on his own arm. He's simply not aware of how much biting hurts. Or he is and still thinks it's funny. Well, anyhow, stay vigilant!

[LittleBirdy]

If it makes you feeel better, I spent a fair amount of time visiting my DS's daycare and I think every baby in his room paws at every other baby.  And I have huge gouges on my face from DS scratching me this morning so I know how you feel!

What I do is tell DS firmly, "Genlte hands please" and then I remove his hands from where ever they are that they shouldn't be.  I know he doesn't have the pre-verbal skills to understand my words but he will soon enough, so I'm hoping to help him make the connection between that phrase and not hitting/scratching/grabbing.  And like PP said, we model gentle touches with the family cat, etc.  I also try not to have a big reaction like yelling NO because I feel that at this age they can't distinguish between a positive reaction ("YAY you took your first step!") and a negative one ("NO you hurt mommy when you bit her!")  I don't know if I'm full of bull on that or not but it seemed to make sense in my head.

[aHikaru]

Babies/ Toddler are too young to understand the word "no", it's good that you communicate with him by using other words. If it truly is becoming an issue you should enforce before it even happens.

[expat-mama]

Originally Posted by cassandraz 

Babies/ Toddler are too young to understand the word "no", it's good that you communicate with him by using other words. If it truly is becoming an issue you should enforce before it even happens.

This is an interesting discussion for me too because DS is doing a lot of these things lately too. I kind of agree that babies don't understand the word "no". I think if they do seem to understand it, it is more the facial expressions and the reaction and tone of voice that goes along with it. Funny though, my ped asked me (when asking about milestone achievements) if DS understands "no!". I told her that I don't say "no" to him and she gave me the weirdest look.

Off topic- instead of saying "no" DH and I are trying to get in the habit of telling him what we'd like him to do and not what NOT to do. As a teacher I totally have seen evidence that kids tend to do what they've heard whether positive or negative, just because they've heard it. Like, "Don't stick your hand in the fishtank" and all they want to do is stick their hand in there. Whereas if you stay, "it's better if you keep your hands outside the fishtank and wave to the fish" they are more likely to do that. Of course DS is too young to understand anything like this, but for us we are just trying to get in the habit of this kind of disciplinary style.

With DS now, I make sure I don't confuse him with a happy or amused face or tone of voice when he does stuff I really don't want him doing. And I distract him or lead him to an acceptable touch or behaviour. But I don't use harsh tones or anything. I don't think it's useful to have such a negative reaction when babies are this young.

[LittleBirdy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by expat-mama 

Funny though, my ped asked me (when asking about milestone achievements) if DS understands "no!". I told her that I don't say "no" to him and she gave me the weirdest look.

Our ped asked this at our 9 month WBV too but she prefaced it with "I don't know why they ask this."  I would love to meet the 9 month old who, when mama says, "no-no", folds his hands quietly in his lap and puts on his halo, lol. 

[arieltron]

my LO just turned 9 mos. She does the same thing, constantly trying to bite or suck on my shoulder. I don't know what to do. 

[nstewart]

Awh, my DS does the same thing!!  He's 10 mos old and loves giving big kisses.  Really he just opens his mouth wide and sometimes just gives an open mouth "kiss" but sometimes bites your cheek too.  He also tries to crawl all over the other babes and our cats too.  We've been teaching him the concept of "gentle" for a long time and he does get it as he goes from pulling on the cats to going "pat, pat, pat" with his hands.  He was pulling on his cousin this weekend and when we told him to be gentle he patted her like a cat too. lol.  We taught him "gentle" by patting him on the arm when saying it, or using his hand to gentle stroke or pat our arms.  We also do intervene when necessary.  OP, I think your DS is just an affectionate, social, little guy.  I'm sure it will serve him well in life!

Expat-mama, I really like your approach and think it's very true.  If someone tells you not to think of a pink elephant, all you can picture is a pink elephant.  We were actually just having this discussion with DHs aunt, who is a teacher, this weekend.

[HeckedyPeg]

Thanks for the responses! :)

I really like all the alternatives for saying "no" ... I think saying it all the time is going to make it lose any meaning it might have in the future as well. 
 

Originally Posted by expat-mama 

Off topic- instead of saying "no" DH and I are trying to get in the habit of telling him what we'd like him to do and not what NOT to do. As a teacher I totally have seen evidence that kids tend to do what they've heard whether positive or negative, just because they've heard it. Like, "Don't stick your hand in the fishtank" and all they want to do is stick their hand in there. Whereas if you stay, "it's better if you keep your hands outside the fishtank and wave to the fish" they are more likely to do that. Of course DS is too young to understand anything like this, but for us we are just trying to get in the habit of this kind of disciplinary style.

With DS now, I make sure I don't confuse him with a happy or amused face or tone of voice when he does stuff I really don't want him doing. And I distract him or lead him to an acceptable touch or behaviour. But I don't use harsh tones or anything. I don't think it's useful to have such a negative reaction when babies are this young.

I really like this concept of enforcing actions we want!

I've noticed since posting that I tend to yell at the CAT when she is naughty (and that she doesn't care or understand!), I think it's a bad habit and it's probably confusing to DS to hear a harsh tone even though it's not directed at him. I have to control my kitty rage, haha