Feel like a failure, need advice

[jenrett]

(cross-posted in life with a babe)

Hi mamas, I need some advice/help here.  DH went back to work in March and we put DS into daycare at first just for 5 half days/week, but then because I was WAY behind in my work, we moved him to 5 short days (7:30 - 3:30, though he rarely gets there before 8:30).  I am caught up on work but it is SO NICE to have all that time to myself.  I'm not gonna lie, I usually come home after lunch and take a nap, because I always need one!

So, my dilemma is two-fold - I feel like I should take DS out of daycare at the halfday, because I feel like daycare sees my son more than I do!  It is a great daycare and he absolutely loves going there - he only cried once when I left and that was at the very beginning when I had gone to nurse him at lunch (I stopped doing that b/c it was harder on him).  

However, (I think I am a bad mom), I never get anything done when I have DS home with me.  He's super clingy and cries whenever I put him down (unless it is in his highchair, to eat....but we can only eat so much!).  He also hates to be worn, except for I just learned yesterday he's okay with a hip carry - but of course you can only be so productive with a hip carry.  So, basically, unless I'm sitting on the floor playing with DS, he's crying.  And even then, sometimes he doesn't want to sit and play with me, and he still cries.  I don't know what to do!  I think it's probably because I am a very stressed out person (lots of stress going on in my life, I am working on it, but it definitely affects me).  Or is it just a phase?

So, I would love reassurance that I am not a bad mom and everybody's baby is this clingy.  Or if that's not the case, I guess I want to know that, too!  I also would like advice as to what should I do re: daycare - stick at the short days or go to half days?

Thanks!

[CI Mama]

A few thoughts:

Doing things in a way that minimizes your stress does NOT make you a bad mom!!!

Your son may be crying a lot because he picks up on your stress. (My DD is very tuned into me in that way.) So figuring out a rhythm of work/parenting/life that helps you reduce stress may also help reduce his stress.

It may also be a phase. Babies change so quickly during the first year!

I don't know what option you should take in terms of daycare, but I think it's perfectly legit to consider your own needs and stress level, as well as the needs of your son, as you're deciding.

Good luck!

[Ravin]

Have you considered bringing him home and laying down to take a nap with him? Starting the rest of your day with some together down time might be the way to go.

[jenrett]

Ravin - yes, i have thought of just that!  The biggest problem is that I am not always the best at the whole napping thing.  But, I'm getting better.

We are leaning towards half days b/c I have noticed that DS isn't sleeping well at daycare - today he only took an afternoon nap of 40 minutes and no morning nap!  He came home and slept from 4:30 to 6:30!!!  Not good!  He often crashes on Saturdays and sleeps, like, all day!  Not good, I think!

And who knows, perhaps spending more time playing with my son will help me de-stress!

[JenRN]

DD is almost a year old (May 30), and is the same way. If I'm not playing with her or in her eyesight, she screams and cries. I used to be able to get more done in a day with her, but it's not happening now. She doesn't sleep well, will only nap ON me with boob in her mouth - it's beyond exhausting. We're working on the sleep thing.

I work parttime nights, and I used to feel guilty about sending DD to daycare the day after I work so I could sleep/get a few things done. I cherish that time now. She loves the daycare, I get sleep and caught up on housework/my online class/etc.

Anyway, all this to say that (1) our children are the same age and seem to doing the same thing, therefore I'm hoping its just a phase. (2) Don't feel guilty about having a little time to yourself if that is what you need to do. Does the daycare have to be all or nothing? Can you pick DS up halfdays except maybe one or two afternoons a week, that way you still have some "me" time?