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Help Needed... New Son Intact

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 

Hi! I am the proud new mom to an intact son... haha. Totally laughing writing that! 

Any way. He is 4 and coming home via adoption. 

Honestly I am totally assuming he is intact. He currently lives in Africa and I think it would be really odd if he wasn't.

I have met him and spent some good amount of time with him, but wasn't about to do anything that would make him uncomfortable.


But what do I need to know? 

He is potty trained and seems to care for his own needs. 


Also a side question... a lady I know just had her 3 yo son (also adopted) circumcised. Yeah... he is 3. I want to give the benefit of the doubt here, so why could that be unavoidable or needed? Surely they wouldn't just do it for looks? 

post #2 of 8

What you need to know:  to leave his penis and foreskin alone.  No one but him should mess with it.  You do not need to "retract to clean".  In fact, many boys are not retractable until much older (such as puberty) and as long as he has no problems peeing, it is not a concern.  As for peeing, sometimes due to separation issues, he will appear to "balloon".  Normal variation.  When he's not actually peeing, the tip will be closed up tight.  Not an issue. 


As for that lady, yes, they probably did it for looks.  Probably so that he would "look like dad" or because they were more comfortable with a circumcised boy.  Or, they thought they had to retract and clean under at every change/bath and felt that bordered too much on molestation, so best get rid of it now.

post #3 of 8
yeahthat.gif: Everything she said plus dont allow the Dr's to mess with his penis at all. If he isnt retractable they can really hurt him. Plus there is nothing under there they need to see. I have read about many boys adopted from non circing countries bringing the boy home then having him cut as soon as they could just so he would "match" so disturbing.

Congrats on your successful adoption. joy.gif
post #4 of 8
Thread Starter 

Nothing else? My dh isn't intact either should he give him any instruction on cleaning/hygiene of any sort? 

We're pretty go with the flow kind of people, (no pun intended) so I think we'll just let him be, but I want to know if there is anything we ought to do or be aware of. Thanks!


post #5 of 8
At his age and probably he wont be speaking much english I would just let it be then over time you can talk to him about swishing it in the bath and rinsing with clear water etc.
post #6 of 8

I found this link very helpful.


Normal development of the prepuce:
Birth through age 18


post #7 of 8

My 5 year old takes daily baths and that's all the genital hygiene we do.

post #8 of 8

We do baths every other night here. Normal bathtime bathing is all my intact 4 yr old gets too. I'm pretty sure he's mostly retractible, but he's never tried to retract it, so I just let it be. There's nothing special to do....like a little girl, sitting in the bathtub is enough down there.


On a side note, it makes me sad that so many adoptive parents circ these older children. :(

It just seems absolutely horrible to do that to a child that already knows what their body looks like. I can't even imagine the confusion they must feel being forced to have their genitals altered by people they are just getting to know :( 


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