Am I the only one who feels this way or acts this way?
I am 42 year old mom to a beautiful, loving, energetic 7 year old boy. I work full time outside the home. I am married and although we’ve had some major issues, our marriage in is a better place now than a few years ago. We are having a very hard time financially though, as DH is umemployed. Spending has been cut down to bare minimum. There is not money for some of hobbies I used to enjoy, for travel or even gas money to visit friends in the next town over. I cook everything from scratch to save money, while still eating healthful.
Some how through all this I have misplaced my hobbies, my spontaneity, creativity and time spent with friends. I am more preoccupied with our budget, planning ahead weeks and months into the future, the weekly cooking schedule, planning the garden, planning and analyzing everything! BLAHHHH!
I think I go along ok, taking some amount of pride in how well I am “dealing” with it all and pushing myself to meet the next challenge. But then if anything tosses a wrench in my schedule or budget or thought process I just crumble. I get completely stressed out, impatient .... and so not fun to be around. The weirdness is that I actually have a goodly amount of time, mostly on the weekends. DH encourages me to go out with friends and have hobbies. Yes, it has to be free or cheap but there are no other restrictions. He looks at me sometimes like why am choosing to have no life.
It’s just that my mind is stuck. I feel so overwhelmed in the date and number crunching I am doing in my head. I feel I have nothing to talk about with friends L I struggle giving my attention to fun things because somewhere there is some issue (housework, cooking, piles of papers, a phone call to make) that needs to be done.
But yet I will sit in front of the TV and zone instead of doing anything practical OR fun. And then I just feel lazy and guilty. Love that one eh?
Overall, I can see and understand WHY I am feeling this way and acting this way, but I am not sure HOW to change it L I really want my mind back in the HERE and NOW, enjoying the moment.