Originally Posted by leahsmama
Here's where you are losing me. I am really, truly trying to understand your perspective. I feel like there are times when someone wouldn't realize that their baby was "not totally normal and healthy" in time to get help. You seem to feel that a mother always knows when something isn't right and in my experience that is simply not the case.
First of all, YES to everything Zoe and Urs just said in response to this below you.
Now for me to answer you. My point that I keep trying to bring up is that if you really distrust new moms to recognize the signs of trouble in their newborn, how in the hell do you expect them to keep up for the next year of their infancy? The next 18 years? The next lifetime? 'Cause when disaster strikes, it doesn't just strike in the beginning. It could even happen the very day the newborn is released from the hospital and is at home. Day 3 or 4 is not some magic number in terms of being ready for life outside the hospital. But, yet, we still send moms home with their babies in that time and expect them to fare well. When you become a parent, a certain amount of responsibility and trust is placed with you that you have what it takes to do what's best for your baby. Sadly, sometimes this doesn't work out, but has little to do with homebirth vs. hospital and a lot more to do with the individuals involved and how they react in whatever particular circumstances come their way. And sometimes, just plain bad luck occurs to even the most observant of parents OR practitioners. Trying to pin that on home birth in some crude generalization is unfounded.
So many things in life could be "missed signs" for something or another, but who's going to live their lives that way? Why not just live in a hospital, if that's your point of view? My opinion is if the mom is fit enough to take the baby home from the hospital or birthing center, she may also be fit enough to spend the first couple of days at home with the baby in the first place. If we think moms are that incompetent, there are greater questions at hand here regarding parenting and choices.
Now for people who know people who had personal experiences with "not knowing" and disaster striking, I can't obviously speak about them without knowing everything, and nor should I since that's personal for each case, and could potentially be offensive. In the interest of being fair and cutting everyone a little slack, giving benefit of the doubt (which is MORE than is being given for me/us/UC), I will say that sometimes even the best of moms miss things or make mistakes. That's not the rule, but the exception, and does happen. But, you don't need to be at home for that to happen. It can happen anywhere and at any time. In a hospital, or at home. Failing to realize that is just an (not conscious?) attempt to absolve oneself of ultimate responsibility, IMHO. We can attempt to place all the risk and all the blame in the hands of any number of so-called "professionals", but at the end of the day we always have a choice and it is always THAT choice we have to live with. I UC because I have no illusions about that and had finally become comfortable with that. I accept. To reject, for me, would to be in denial of what is.
I notice that so many tragic stories have that turning point, that moment of doubt. I call that the intuition. If at any moment you were thinking that something was not quite right, by all means get it checked. This is not and never has been just in the nurse's, doctor's, doula's, or midwife's hands. It's in yours. Don't hesitate. If you get a professional opinion that doesn't sit well with you, get a second one. By all means listen to your instincts and do what you feel is right. You could save a life.
This is why I encourage mamas to listen to theirs [intuition, instinct]. But they can't do that as long as everyone is making them fearful that theirs isn't enough, or doesn't compare to a pro's skills. I am trying to dissolve those conditioned views of fear and distrust of themselves. Hopefully you can see how this averts tragedies.
And again to reiterate from the others-- I'm not totally anti-medical care. I just realize there is a time and a place for it, and my belief is that we abuse it.