4th graders - breast buds and body hair and doctor's warning - menarche not far away - Page 2

[meemee]

Originally Posted by AllisonR 

Holy Camolie! I got breasts at age 13-14 and my period at 17!

how did you feel Allison when you didnt get your periods when others did?

i have spoken to some older generations and the couple of them who started later than normal were actually quite stressed that they didnt begin when others had begun. they feared they might not get it.

was that your experience too?

in my mom's and gma's generation the normal was 13 - 14. 

[LuxPerpetua]

I'm not sure how much of early development is environmentally-related and how much is genetic and just "normal" because we have better nutrition.

I started getting breast buds at age 10, developed pubic and arm hair around the same time, and my period started right when I turned 11.  I think I was on the early side but most girls that I knew started somewhere between 11 and 13.  I think the big thing is really just to discuss how to deal with hygiene and basic body care once things start progressing.  Maybe now just discuss how our bodies change as we get older.   From a Waldorf perspective, I think it would be nice to have some stories of fictional growing-up stories.  I don't have any to suggest, as my dd is only 5, but maybe others will.

[AllisonR]

Originally Posted by meemee 

how did you feel Allison when you didnt get your periods when others did?

i have spoken to some older generations and the couple of them who started later than normal were actually quite stressed that they didnt begin when others had begun. they feared they might not get it.

was that your experience too?

in my mom's and gma's generation the normal was 13 - 14. 

It didn't bother me, and I don't think anyone else bothered me about it either. One of my best friends also got her first period at 16 or 17, a few months before me. Maybe other kids got it at 12-13 then, but either I don't remember, or I was oblivious to it.

[karne]

OP, if you don't already have it, The Care and Keeping of You, in the American Girls series is a very nice intro sort of book to puberty, self care, etc.  It's very readable for a 4th grader, not overwhelming.  My dd still keeps her copy around.

Puberty is a process.  With the girls I would say I started noticing a bit before 5th grade started, maybe end of 4th, and by 6th grade most of the girls were clearly starting to mature.  Talk w/your dd, be open, plan for how to make sure, when she needs to, that she can care for herself at school.  I find most girls, including my own, are amazingly confident and self sufficient.

[insidevoice]

My dd is 9.  She really needs to wear a soft camisole-type or sports-bra type bra as she has breast buds that become sore and are visible beneath her clothes which the boys were noticing. Not a surprise really since I was a full C cup by grade 5... only my mother never helped me find a bra or anything of the sort.  I remember how awful that felt, and I don't want her to have that experience. (In her defense, my mother was an AA/A cup throughout her life who HATED bras- it just didn't cross her mind...)

We've talked some about other body changes, and every so often I catch myself looking over and wondering where my 'little kid' went as she is carrying herself in a far more mature way these days.  We also had to have a talk about the fact that the older boys at the pool really weren't interested in the things she was because they were interested in those subjects.... they had different motivations (the boys were in their early teens... and holding conversations with her chest. 

[Cyllya]

I distinctly remember getting my first period at age 10 years 8 months, which was near the end of 5th grade for me. I don't remember when other puberty changes happened.

I was a *little* young to be dealing with everything, although some of that could be attributed to the fact that I was NOT prepared for womanhood.  My mom avoided talking about it, left it for the schools to educate us.  I was embarrassed to even go to her for menstrual supplies.  I think if I'd had more emotional support through that time I wouldn't have felt so lost and scared.  

Same here. Sexuality was just something not talked about in my house (unless the speaker was my step-father and Mom was out of earshot ) I vaguely knew what periods were somehow,  so I wasn't TOO shocked when I started bleeding (didn't think I was wounded, sick, dying, whatever). But I was too embarrassed to tell my mom. We actually had some applicable sex ed before my second period came around (they even told a sad story about another girl who didn't tell her mom, her mom felt all betrayed and blah blah blah--Didn't get me to tell Mom, just made me wracked with guilt), but somehow I got through it without realizing that I had to worry about another period soon. Big shock when I bled much more noticeably next month, and classmates noticed before I did. (I remember some girls calling out and asking how old I was when I was obliviously walking to recess with bloody white shorts. They may have been the one to alert the playground aid lady, who escorted me to the nurse. She found me in the bathroom with toilet paper stuffed in my underpants AND held to the outside of my shorts, because I was hoping to hide it that way, LOL. Man, I cried so much on the way to the nurse. The good news is that the nurse told mom so I didn't have to!

My mom was (and probably still is) convinced that I didn't tell her because I thought she'd be mad. (I can't find the head-banging-on-wall smiley.) In her defense, the reason she didn't prepare me for my period was because she thought I wouldn't get it until 13 or 14 years old.

When I hear people objecting to sex ed in elementary school, I'm horrified! If I have daughters, I think I'll give them a little heads up when they turn 8, just to make sure they aren't too shocked when they're suddenly oozing blood. Even though they probably won't get their period until 11+, I figure there's no harm in knowing about it.

11 1/2 really wasn't too bad of an age, even with all the support I lacked.  I'm surprised when people feel it's entirely too soon.  It's not.  Our kids will survive. LOL 

I get the feeling many people are really resistant to girls growing up... or something. You see it in parents denying their girls control over their appearance, often with really strange justifications. Lots of moms on this site can tell you some depressing story about how their own mother wouldn't let them wear a bra, even when they really needed it. Another common one is that the girl isn't allowed to shave her legs, even when she clearly has terminus hair dark enough to embarrass her, because... shaving makes the hair grow in darker! (head + wall) A recent topic had a mom saying she didn't want her daughter having earrings or nail polish because she didn't believe in sexualizing young girls. I once saw a really old topic where a mom felt that NOT wearing pantyhose made her daughter "look promiscuous." Same with make up, hair coloring....

In fact, even though my own mother was the sort to let us kids smoke and drink (in the safety of home!) and even buys my 13-year-old brother cigarettes, she forbade my 12-year-old sister from dying her hair black, because that's "too young" to have your hair dyed. When I press for an explanation, Mom said she didn't want Sister to destroy her hair so early with all those hair dye chemicals. (Because buying a wig or just going without hair is way harder than getting a lung transplant or just going without lungs, right?) 

I'm pretty sure Mom would have held back our menarche if she'd had a way. (Which I wouldn't have minded, because periods are annoying, but my convenience would not have been her main motivation.)

Maybe most parents can't help to resist their kid growing up, and I'll understand it when I finally have my own babies. But... I haven't noticed as much of this for boys.

[meemee]

karne thanks for the book recommendation. i will check it out. extra info will be good for dd. This is a book I am looking to share with dd once she gets a little older - maybe next summer or later. http://www.amazon.com/Breadwinner-Deborah-Ellis/dp/0888994168

the thing is dd is fully 'armed' - knowledge wise about the direct physical aspect of when and why. reason being she is a super curious child and i had no privacy in the bathroom till she was older so she is aware of it all. 

the part that concerns me is she starting before she is emotionally and psychologically ready. not just about menarche itself but everything around it. i want her to understand that any mood swings or the emotional aspect is part of it. and give her ways to handle herself. she is already a v. sensitive emotional child (a combination of a child AND a teenager at the same time). i really think watching her, her 'puberty' started at 5 when she went thru huge mood swings and then boom she got BO at 6. i happened to discover that by accident. if we didnt cosleep i wouldnt know it. 
 

Originally Posted by karne 

OP, if you don't already have it, The Care and Keeping of You, in the American Girls series is a very nice intro sort of book to puberty, self care, etc.  It's very readable for a 4th grader, not overwhelming.  My dd still keeps her copy around.

Puberty is a process.  With the girls I would say I started noticing a bit before 5th grade started, maybe end of 4th, and by 6th grade most of the girls were clearly starting to mature.  Talk w/your dd, be open, plan for how to make sure, when she needs to, that she can care for herself at school.  I find most girls, including my own, are amazingly confident and self sufficient.

[kayleesmom]

wow interesting thread.

[andromedajulie]

Yikes... this is scaring me. DD is turning 9 and starting 4th grade. She is young for her grade, many of them are older, but still. I have wondered if she's getting breast buds but not sure if that's just fat? (How do you know?) I think I got my first training bra in 5th grade but didn't get my period until 15. She is not ready. Too much anxiety already, I am afraid of adding in the hormones. I don't know how she will handle it. 

[tinuviel_k]

Originally Posted by andromedajulie 

Yikes... this is scaring me. DD is turning 9 and starting 4th grade. She is young for her grade, many of them are older, but still. I have wondered if she's getting breast buds but not sure if that's just fat? (How do you know?)

My daughter just turned eight, and she is starting to develop breast buds. They are not very visible yet so I would not have noticed had she not come to me last month wondering why her chest hurt so much under her nipple area. I was VERY surprised; I did not expect this for another year or two.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by andromedajulie 

 I have wondered if she's getting breast buds but not sure if that's just fat? (How do you know?)  

i wasnt sure myself coz dd is chubby and has always had 'man boobs'. then suddenly i notice the nipples were sticking out more and then the area around the nipples. thats when i was sure. i went from not sure to definitely sure in about 3 months. 
 

[BubbleMa]

Originally Posted by AllisonR 

Holy Camolie! I got breasts at age 13-14 and my period at 17!

I had an early bedtime though. And I am old, so probably not half the hormones in all the clothes and food as today.

I hope DD follows suit.

Gosh, I hope my DD follows suit too!  lol  Unfortunately that's not very likely.  I started my period when I was 10, in 5th grade.  My mom never talked to me about it.  She also had a hysterectomy years earlier, so she had no feminine products in the house.  I was mortified to have to ask her to go to the store for some.  :(  It was awful.  Oh, and of course I was so much taller than all the other girls, and boys too.  And I had boobs.  And I was the new girl.  All the boys liked me, and all the girls hated me.  5th grade was the worst. 

Originally Posted by karne 

OP, if you don't already have it, The Care and Keeping of You, in the American Girls series is a very nice intro sort of book to puberty, self care, etc.  It's very readable for a 4th grader, not overwhelming.  My dd still keeps her copy around.

Puberty is a process.  With the girls I would say I started noticing a bit before 5th grade started, maybe end of 4th, and by 6th grade most of the girls were clearly starting to mature.  Talk w/your dd, be open, plan for how to make sure, when she needs to, that she can care for herself at school.  I find most girls, including my own, are amazingly confident and self sufficient.

I bought that book for DD and I'm so glad I did!  I wasn't sure how to bring the topic up with her so I just bought her the book, let her read it alone, and then let her ask me questions.  After she read it she was convinced she needed a training bra.  She brought me the book and pointed out the illustration that describes the various stages of breast development.  She was convinced she had breast buds. She doesn't, she's a little on the chubby side so they do like the picture.  I wasn't going to argue with her though, so we went to Target and bought some training bras.  :)