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Really need some hope/reassurance re constantly fussy 1-month-old - Page 2

post #21 of 37

Hello,

 

I know this is an old thread but I'm new to the site and just came across it. I'm currently in the same situation with my son who is just over four weeks. I'm also at the end of my rope. He never lets me put him down during the day and I can never get a break. At night it takes up to an hour to rock him to sleep so I can barely get some rest before I have to nurse him again. Blanca, I'm wondering how things worked out for you? Did your baby eventually outgrow the fussiness and if so when? Do you have any suggestions for things I can try to keep myself sane?

 

Thank you!!

post #22 of 37
My son hates being rocked. He loves being bounced. Try getting a yoga ball and bouncing on it. It worked for my son and my daughter. Also babies love white noise. For the first four months or so I used a hair dryer for the white noise to get my son to sleep. We slept with it running all night. Went through 3 hair dryers but it was worth it because we got sleep. I always made sure the dryer had a cool setting and I would tape down the cold burst button. We are now able to just use a fan (which could work as well, but our son needed a little more noise at first). Not sure how old your little one is,b it until my son could roll over we swaddled him and it made a huge difference. Hope this helps some.
post #23 of 37
Thread Starter 

Oh my goodness, yes, yes, yes, things got so much better. Reading my original post, I hardly remember it being that bad! A couple of major breakthroughs helped me: one was figuring out how to nap while wearing her--I mentioned above that she would fall asleep in the Baby Bjorn and then I could lie back on some pillows and doze or if nothing else just read a magazine. Another breakthrough was using the vacuum cleaner to create LOUD white noise--it was so weird. I would turn it on and she would almost instantly be quiet and fall asleep. I made a CD recording of our vacuum cleaner so that I could turn the noise down (so that the sudden silence wouldn't wake her up again). I second the Harvey Karp suggestion--his ideas worked pretty well for us.

 

When she was a bit older, I finally figured out how to nurse her while lying down, and we could both nap together. If we have another I for sure will be relying on that in the newborn stage.

 

Now my daughter is 20 months old and her daycare providers constantly comment on how easygoing and cheerful she is. She still has rough nights sometimes--especially if she's tired, she has meltdowns--but after lots of ups and downs the first year (and a few since) she sleeps through the night most of the time and also naps well and predictably. I think some babies just take a longer time to settle into a rhythm--my DD certainly took a long time, but it was only in those very early weeks that it was that bad.

 

If I recall, the fussiness came and went, with a peak around 9 weeks. By the time she was four months old it was very unusual for her to cry for more than a few minutes at a time. Now she just cries if I try to make her wear her bib, or, as I did last night, DARE to put a PIECE OF CHICKEN in her rice! ("Chichen no, chichen no--mess. Towel!" then I handed her a towel and she carefully mopped up where the chicken had touched the tray).

 

OH--Re: the feeding: yes, it took a looong time to rock her back to sleep and it was so, so, so hard. But I think it must have been fairly soon after I wrote this original post that it got quicker--I'm not kidding, by the time she was three months old I think I was up with her 20-30 minutes tops (and she was waking up less), and pretty soon after that it was like, 15 minutes. Granted, DD was a very fast nurser, but I'm sure things will get easier in pretty short order. Another breakthrough was to have the chair I nursed her in be right by the bed (she slept in a crib in our room)--so much less effort.

 

This is what I would do differently with number 2:

*Rely much more on a baby carrier to get her to nap during the day, so I don't feel chained to her nap schedule. But, try to get her to nap in the crib or in bed with me at least once a day so I can also get some rest.

*Don't obsessively count how many hours she sleeps at a stretch--instead just focus on getting back to sleep myself. By the time she was 12 weeks, DD was sleeping 8-9 hour stretches--but then it all fell apart and she vacillated wildly between 2 hour stretches and 10 hour stretches until we nightweaned her at 13 months. Sleep is not really a progression so much as an ever-widening spiral, so it helps not to obsess over what it "should" be.

*Pump and make my husband take on more nighttime feedings!

*Have a much clearer understanding that it DOES get easier and I WILL feel like myself again--I never believed it when people told me this during DD"s infancy, but it was very true. By the time he's a year you won't believe how endless and overwhelming it all seemed.

*Do work harder at the "sleepy but awake" thing when she's old enough (4 months +) because we did definitely develop a very strong nurse-to-sleep association that made things harder on me. But 4 weeks is way too young to worry about sleep associations, so just do what you have to do to relax!

*Make myself get out of the house by myself when I feel depressed. When Eliza was tiny, I remember one particular jaunt to pick up food for dinner--I was almost suicidal when I left the house and felt human again 15 minutes later when I returned.

*Be okay with leaving the baby with her father. WHen she was tiny I felt like I was unable to leave the baby because she would cry with him--but if I had left her, I think he would have figured out his own methods, and I could have gotten more of a break.

 

I hope this helps. I'll be thinking of you. OH--and CALL THE FUSSY BABY NETWORK! They talked me down many times. It's a free hotline: http://www.erikson.edu/fussybaby/

 

Message me your email, and I can send you the vacuum cleaner MP3 I made so you can burn a CD.

post #24 of 37

Thank you so much for the reassurance. I'm an anxious person by nature and I've had myself convinced that my baby is the one baby that will never outgrow his fussiness. I currently have him in a Baby Bjorn as I'm typing this and he has finally fallen asleep. I haven't yet mastered the art of falling asleep myself while wearing it though. I tried pumping and leaving him with my husband last night but he ended up crying for hours, resulting in none of us getting any sleep. I'll try the yoga ball and white noise tonight. It helps to know that things WILL eventually get better. I'll just keep reminding myself of this! Thanks again for the advice! 

post #25 of 37

P.S. Blanca, I'm trying to send you a private message with my e-mail address but it keeps telling me I don't have permission to do this. Hopefully I'll manage to figure it out and send it it you later! 

post #26 of 37

Still can't seem to send a PM but managed to download some white noise off the internet and it seemed to work while he took a nap yesterday. I'll add it to my list of tricks to calm him down! Thanks again!

post #27 of 37
Thread Starter 

Oh, good! When in doubt, run the regular vacuum cleaner or a hair dryer--it seemed that it needed to be LOUD to have a real effect.

 

Strangely enough, she now has a phobia of the vacuum--which may reflect more on my housekeeping skills than anything else (meaning I hardly ever vacuum).

 

I did send you a PM wondering if you would be able to reply.

post #28 of 37

The first three months were brutal for me. My kids were on me 24/7. I thought I would lose my mind. The main thing I can say is--they get older. It changes. I feel like getting through that hard period together is part of why I am so intensely in love with them. I worked for this relationship darn it!  :)

post #29 of 37
My dd (now 8 months) was very similar, esp with the sleep issue. We could never put her down. Ever. But sleep is sooo important for you mama! So when she would fall asleep in my arms, thats how and when I would sleep. For example, if she fell asleep on my chest/shoulder then I would lay in bed on my back and snooze with her. If she fell asleep in the cradle-hold nursing, then I would sleep on my side with her still attached/ in my arms. It really helped!! I wasnt even planning on co-sleeping but it just became the easiest, most practical thing! I will add that at that age I, too, also woke to every little sound and grunt she made... I think that is beautiful example of how instinctively we become mothers and it makes sense that whem they are so young, brand new to the world, and most needy... well, we are extra sensitive to to them. smile.gif as the weeks passed I got less and less sensitive and could sleep through her little night noises. Now my LO will literally grab onto my shoulder and pull herself into a standing position and start treating me like bongo drums until I wake up... thats how well I sleep lol.

I also wanted to say, you may want to look into dr. Sears "high need baby" description. Just google it. It may not be your baby at all --cuz all I know from your description is the fussiness and wanting to be held-- but if you discover your LO is high needs (like mine) I cant even tell you how much this helps!

Do you have any relatives/friends that could help out? Hold your sleeping LO while you sleep perhaps?

Hang in there! It does get easier and be sure you take of yourself! I learned the hard way that taking care of my essential needs (even if it meant dd crying in dh's arms) was an imperative aspect of being a good mama! Baby needs a healthy, happy caretaker, right? Oh and once I mastered side-lying nursing that was a godsend! Thats still how dd and I go to bed every night.
post #30 of 37
Does your baby maybe have reflux?
All my kids always demanded to be held and only one I could put down and walk away for naps..and that when he was older. And he was the one we had on reflux medicine! Slings andncosleeping (and eventually pacifiers) were my best friends. With each new baby I tried to correct any "mistakes" I did with the others (like not putting them down when sleepy and such) but nothing really helped. I have perspective but still can't figure out naps and cribs (other than stomach sleeping with a paci...shhhh).
My newborn just startednbeing fussy this week (3 weeks) and now I cant seem to even put her down when she falls deeply asleep. grrr. But I'm definitelynpushing for reflux medicine because shengulps and cries alot!
post #31 of 37

We recently took him to the doctor and he was actually diagnosed with reflux. We were prescribed some medicine but so far it doesn't seem to be making a difference. If anything, he seems to have gotten worse. A couple of weeks ago he was sleeping up to 3 hours at night, but now at 6 weeks, he seems to be waking up every hour. He is also making lots of grunting and strained noises in his sleep. I thought it might be a growth spurt, but he doesn't seem to be eating more than usual. We are seeing the doctor again in a week, and I'm hoping that she'll have some more insight. In the mean time, it seems like there's not much I can do other than wait it out and hope he grows out of whatever it is that's bugging him! 

post #32 of 37

rugrat, How did the doctor diagnose him with reflux?

post #33 of 37
I was told Zantac can take up to two weeks to work full on but it helped my son until he was about 16 lbs at 3.5 months then we switched to prevacid which he's still on at almost 6 months. The prevacid has worked really well, when we split the solutab and give it twice a day.
post #34 of 37

Probably just repeating what others have said but my daughter (now 4) was the same way. I attributed it to either her traumatic birth experience, colic or that she was just a high needs baby, but I'll never really know why. What worked for us was babywearing, breastfeeding often (sometimes they just need to cluster feed, although its hard to tell with a fussy baby), cosleeping (BFing side laying) and swaddling at night. I had a lot of people tell me things get gradually easier around 6 weeks, 3 months and 6 months and that seemed to be pretty accurate for us.  After 6 months things were pretty easy although we still continued with the usual routine to sooth her until she was older. 

post #35 of 37

Phathui: he was diagnosed with reflux just based on his behaviour (spits up frequently, arches his back when he cries, prefers to be held upright, etc.). But to be honest, I'm not entirely convinced his behaviour is caused solely by reflux, I think he's also just high-needs. We've been using Zantac for a couple of weeks now and I still haven't noticed a significant difference.

 

I'm glad to hear that other people have had similar experiences with their babies and had things turn out well down the road. We're getting close to the 8 week mark now and I'm still finding it pretty challenging. On the bright side, he's now starting to smile and has longer periods where he's interacting with us and not fussing or crying. I really hope things are much better by the time we hit the 3 month mark!

post #36 of 37
Hi there. I know this post is old but when googling my issues with my 1 month old right now, it's the closest I've seen online to my situation. I am so desperate right now. My five week old baby is extremely fussy and never ever ever sleeps. Nothing works. I've tried it all. All of the "s's" from the happiest baby book, rocking, walking, carriage, singing swaddling everything. The only things that ever ever remotely work are putting the vacuum on right next to him and putting him in the bjorn. The problem is if I try to transfer him from the bjorn to the crib or a swing to sleep he wakes up immediately and we are back to square one. Also once I turn odd the vacuum he is up immediately. This is after I've waited 45 minutes to make sure he's definitely in a deep sleep. You would think because he's up all night (wakes up every 30 mins) he would sleep all day but that is not the case. He's up all day doing the same thing. He's rarely content and just sits awake happy. When he's awake hes usually fussing. Treating him for acid reflux with drops and Prevacid but he is still very fussy and doesn't sleep so I don't think it's that. I'm really starting to lose my mind. How can I get him to sleep?? How can I sleep with a bjorn on me or a very loud vacuum running all night? And god please someone tell me when this ends?!!!!! Thanks so much everyone for your advice!
post #37 of 37
Hi Christina. I'm sorry you're going through a rough time - I've been there and I know how exhausting and stressful it can be. But it DOES get better. At five weeks, my son was constantly fussing around the clock and I was at the end of my rope. Now he is a little over a year old, and he is napping peacefully in his crib after sleeping 11 hours through the night. I can tell you I never thought that would ever happen!!! Like you, we also tried everything and nothing seemed to work. The onl thing that seemed to soothe him was bouncing on a yoga ball while holding him but i could rarely put him down. At around 4.5 months, he learned to roll over and suck his thumb and that made a WORLD of difference in his sleep. It was completely random, and something that none of the books I read would have encouraged us to try. Iwish I could give you a clearer answer, but all I can say is that sometimes our little ones just need some time adjust to the world both physically and mentally and they figure it out in their own time. Hang in there!!! If you need to vent or rant, or just someone to trade ideas with, please feel free to PM me!! Good luck!!!
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