I'm 24 weeks pregnant today with my 3rd and increasingly confused and frustrated by DH and his changing feelings about homebirth. We've been seeing a CPM for prenatal care and planning to birth at home from the get-go.
After yesterday's midwife appt he told me he "might" be alright with a homebirth but that having the baby "swimming" in a birth pool was "too far off on the hippie fringe" and he absolutely was not alright with that happening. And I thought we were on the same page about wanting to have this baby at home, and open to any sort of pain-coping strategy that worked for me! Previously he's expressed concerns about the mess of a homebirth, or being yelled at for doing the wrong thing during the birth, but never wanted to actually talk about those worries.
Our other 2 kids were both born in the hospital. The second was an unmedicated birth with CNMs, in a hospital-based birth center. DH was there for the whole birth and seemed totally comfortable with the whole thing, including his role as emotional support person. I was very happy with what he did during labor and can't think of a thing I'd change about the role he played. (DH isn't my first kid's bio dad so he wasn't present for her birth.)
In the 7 years since my second was born I've worked as a birth and postpartum doula, taught childbirth classes and taken a few babysteps on the road to becoming a CPM. DH has been supportive and involved as I've moved into birth work and has seemed to embrace homebirth and all that comes with it over the years. We have many friends who have birth babies at home in the last 7 years and he's been totally cool with that too.
But now he is so resistant to the idea of having this third kid at home and I just don't know where to go with it. On the one hand I recognize that this is the birth of his child too and he ought to have a say in the how and where, but really, I'M the one who is going to do the birthing so I feel like I ought to be allowed to do it how and where I feel most comfortable!
I don't want to issue ultimatums or alienate DH from this birth. Yet he is issuing ultimatums to me and doesn't seem open to discussing options, risks and benefits, or anything really. Yesterday he told me he thought people should just go to the hospital and leave birth to "the professionals".
Anyone have any thoughts or experience with a similar situation? We've still got time to work this out, but it looks like a much bigger issue than I could've guessed so I feel like we need to get working on it...