Tried to think of the best title to sum up my question.. and I will try to get to the point quickly without too much rambling! Any insight is much appreciated! :)
So, DS1 will be 3 in August. As a baby he was never happy. He fussed and cried most of the day. He was a terrible sleeper, had silent reflux and food sensitivities. He nursed every hour of the day and night (or more) until 18 months old when I started weaning him due to pregnancy (he was not fully weaned until just after his 2nd birthday). He still does not sleep through the night (though only wakes up 1-2 times and goes back to sleep quickly with a cuddle). He did however become a VERY happy toddler around 10 months old (he was walking at 9.5 months) and has been happy ever since. He is very bright, outgoing/social, active, a bit spirited, and can be difficult at times but all in all a pretty cool kid. I had a rough first year with him, but since he transitioned into toddler from baby I have loved being his Mama. Not to say he is "easy" but I will take the toddler stuff over the constant neediness of the infant stage any day.
DS2 is 6 months old. Personality wise- he is similar to big brother. He is social and outgoing, loves people, can be very smiley, laughs easily. However he has also had bouts with colic, reflux, gas pains (this is when the "colic" comes in), food sensitivities, etc. that have made him quite unhappy at times. We have had some good weeks where he is fairly happy most of the day, but for the most part it has been really tough with his digestive issues (that we still haven't quite figured out). He is also a terrible sleeper. And a sleep fighter. He is FINALLY letting me lay him down for naps (once asleep) but he is waking every 1-2 hours all night. Everyone said "no two babies are the same" bla bla bla so I thought there was no way he would be as bad of a sleeper, or as highneeds as DS1... He is slightly better, but not much! I know in a few months his digestive system will mature, he will be mobile, and things will get a lot better but for now, it is tough.
So here is the question I guess..... DH is saying he does not want to have a 3rd baby. He is done (but could possibly be persuaded in the future). I would love to have a 3rd, and I know this might sound terrible but I REALLY want a little girl. So if we had another boy I would even want to have a 4th to try once more for a girl. Not that I would not be happy with all boys, but for some reason in my heart I just really would love to have a daughter. And everytime I see a newborn baby I want to have another one.. I have baby fever again already! Though I definitely want to wait a little while before we have another....
However, another part of me is so so so done with babies and sleepless nights etc etc.. and I am terrified of having ANOTHER highneeds, non-sleeping, colicky baby. I didn't think it was possible to have 2 in a row, but I did... so how do I knokw ALL of my children will not be unhappy babies!?
Then I also go back in forth between wanting another 2-year or so age gap between #2 and #3, and possibly waiting until DS2 is around 4-5 before getting pregnant again.... We are planning to homeschool, so if I got preg when DS2 is around 2, we could have baby3 before DS1 turns 5 and we start school.. which IMO would be ideal because I get sick for the first few months while pregnant and it would be really tough to do school while sick/preg and with a brand new baby.....
And then I wonder why am I even worrying about all of this now and why don't I just let go and wait until we are ready!? I guess I am just a planner ;)
thanks for reading! any thoughs/experience/insight is much appreciated! :) thanks mamas!