Requesting No Gifts for b-day party - Page 3

[Imakcerka]

I wish I could help with this.  My family thinks I'm nuts because I request that if they're going to send a gift for one they have to send a gift for the non birthday girl too.  Since my family is cheap they just send a card.  My reason for this is that it was done for me and my brother by our great grandmother and my brother started it with my girls again.  We both agree that it's a special family thing and both of us loved having our matching cups or chairs.  Whatever our crazy granny dug up for us. 

I realize that what I'm asking my family is rude.  And so I allow them an out.  They don't need to spend their money on trivial things.  And this works for us.  My girls don't have a sense of ownership over stuff.  They have no clue what belongs to them or the other. 

You just have to figure out what will work for you guys.  We only have family parties too. 

[Coconut Chronicles]

I'm dealing with this right now for my sons invitations to his second in a couple weeks. I included a small slip of paper, separate from the main invitation, encouraging people to bring canned goods instead of gifts so we can make a donation to our local food bank. Of course we graciously accept any gift he gets and I don't think we are dictating what people should do.

[Serenity Now]

I think the best thing to do here is to not have a birthday party. When my youngest had her last birthday, we invited everyone over for a pool party barbecue get together, and didn't mention birthday. No one came with any gifts, we did have cake and ice cream, but it was just a chance for everyone to hang out and let the kids play. It was very informal (the invitations were sent out via text message), everyone had a wonderful time, and we didn't have to deal with gifts. And, most importantly, none of our guests felt insulted about the present thing. After dinner we just said "today happens to be dd's birthday, so we have some cake and ice cream." And that was that.

[JudiAU]

Almost all of the parties we attend say "no gifts please" and almost everyone complies. I think we got maybe 2-3 non-family gifts at my son's fourth birthday and there were 20 kids. All books.

If someone asks you, just repeat, really he has enough and they persist, go to art supplies or books.

I know it is not correct etiquette but I've decided I am okay with it. The alternative is not to have a party and disappoint my kid, or to not everyone at his preschool which would be bad

I am not okay with him getting 30 presents on his birthday and I am not okay getting gifts and giving them to the Salvation the Next Day (which I would) and I am not okay with directing people to a charity.

[gcgirl]

YES! This exactly. Most of our friends do the "no gifts please", as do we (and I usually add "Your presence is present enough!"). But EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. we are one of only a few people who actually respect the request. Then there's the fol de rol of the child opening presents excitedly, and DS and I are kind of hanging back like OOPS. Should've brought a gift I guess.

Now, I know the parents are the ones who want NO GIFTS. And I get it and respect it, because I feel the same way, for the most part. But I've decided that from here on out, we're going to bring a handmade card, a bunch of flowers, or a handmade item of some kind, like a photo of the two kids (mine and the b-day kid) together, put into a decorated frame or something. Because I'm tired of following the rules only to be sidelined at present time. It ALWAYS happens.

 

Originally Posted by ElliesMomma 

it sounds great in theory, but in practicality, it lost me the first time i went to a "no gifts" party, and we pretty much respected it, though i did bring some coloring books and markers, which i gave discretely to the mom at the door upon arriving. it lost me because other people did bring gifts, and it was very embarrassing to me when they then made a big deal of opening them. like, everyone sat around and noted who gave what. it was like being set up for embarrassment. so i think i would probably try to avoid going to another "no gifts" party. besides, 4 year olds WANT to give their friends a gift. 

[emilysmama]

First off, I understand that what works for my family may very well not work for your family.  But no-gifts party works just dandy for my family.

For the first birthday party that I threw for my dd, she turned six.  I sat her down, and brutally told her that if I was paying for the party with my hard earned money, then it would happen according to my rules.  Instead of one child receiving many presents, it would be every child receives only one present. Yes, I told my dd, I understand that the birthday girl got lots of presents at every single birthday party that my dd had attended so far.  That's perfectly fine, and  lots of fun, but our family is going to do it differently, just because.  For our family, either every single child receives only one present, or no party at all.  Take it, or leave it. After an hour of many "Why?"s, my dd was fine with it.

We did a book exchange. I invited every single kid in my dd's class, just because that happens to be a quirky priority for me.

In the invitation, I laid it on the line.  "Please, please, please, do NOT bring the birthday girl a present. Instead, please bring a wrapped new (less than $7) or used (in good condition) book that a kindergartener would enjoy. The children will do a book exchange."  That's it.  No reason why.  Just an up front plea.

At the party, I made a big production over it.  I had children draw numbers to randomly allocate the books.  Then, only when each child had a wrapped package in his/her hands, I had all the children rip open the wrapping all at the same time.  The kids had a fantastic time. 

Here is the feedback I got.  All of the parents told me how much they loved the idea.  I started a trend because several parents copied this or did something similar when their children had their birthday parties several months later, and they told me that the inspiration came from my dd's party. With one or two minor exceptions, everyone followed my wishes to the letter.  The one or two kids who also brought a gift, did so very discreetly, so that none of the other families were the wiser. We just told the child that the present would be unwrapped at home, and followed it up with a thank you note. Best of all, none of the kids noticed that I didn't do goody bags to take home.  The children were perfectly happy taking home a mylar balloon and their newly unwrapped book home. My daughter got tons of birthday gifts from relatives, so she had plenty of gifts to unwrap later. No tears at all.  In fact, we had lots of happy laughter.

We did the same thing again six months ago for the seventh birthday, and will almost certainly do the same thing for the eighth birthday.
 

Originally Posted by childsplay 

The first - and last - no gift birthday party my kids (and I) attended was awkward. My kids couldn't understand it, no matter what kind of 'happy-earth-friendly-spin' I tried to put on it they had already written off the kid's parents as "so mean" . The birthday boy wasn't buying it either and spent the last half hour of the party crying. He didn't want to open the cards that his friends had brought, and he certainly didn't seem to care at all about the food bank donations that were collected in lieu of gifts. I can't say I blame him, I mean, he's 6. He's a kid, he wants presents.

[JudiAU]

Just wanted to add that none of the children's parties we've gone to have included gift openings so that although a few people cheat and/or family gives gifts, and there is a pile of gifts, no one feels ackward about it. I've noticed a few people bring handmade cards or drawings to every party which is also nice. Finally, when we do go to gifts please parties I usually mail them directly to the child so we aren't really in the habit of bringing them.

[aschmied]

I really like the book exchange idea.  I may as well throw in what we have done, which has also started a trend.  In the invitation we have said "DD would really love something made by her friends!" or something to that effect (I don't remember my wording.)  We received quite a range of lovely cards, one song, and  a truly touching "book" from her best friend about what a wonderful friend DD is.  As long as people know that there is no pressure that it is anything in particular, it's fabulous!  DD and DS are collaborating to make a picture of Star Wars characters playing soccer for DS bf now. :-)

[Tjej]

I went to and obeyed the directions for one of these parties last weekend.  We were the ONLY ones who did what we were told, and there was a gift-opening extravaganza at the end.  DD told me on the way to the car  - Mom, you were wrong.  We should have given a present....  I thought i wouldn't care if that happened since I'd be following what the parents wanted, but it didn't even really seem like the parents wanted it with how the gift opening was and our handmade card and change for his piggy bank (as requested) just looked lazy and cheap.

Tjej