Is parenting supposed to be this hard? - Page 2

[D_McG]

Originally Posted by becoming 

One thing stood out to me from your follow-up post. You said you can't take DS2 in the backyard without waiting a couple of hours for him to come back in. It REALLY sounds to me like he could benefit from some boundaries. There's no reason a little one should be holding you hostage in your yard for 2 hours just because he doesn't want to come in. Being a mom & making life pleasant for the whole family involves setting limits. It's great to let little ones' make decisions for themselves *within reason*, but when it's affecting the family in a huge way like this (not even being able to go outside for a few minutes), it comes down to mom being the mom & deciding what's best for everyone. Same with the cake making. He doesn't have to help with everything/make giant messes just because he wants to. You can set boundaries on what he is/isn't allowed to do. Give him a certain job or two, and the rest is yours to do. He'll pitch a fit the first few times, but then he'll learn that he can't be in control of every situation. Just as we, as parents, shouldn't be total dictators, we also shouldn't let our kids be. Neither of these dynamics is healthy. Just my opinion. I hope things get easier for you guys, it sounds miserable.

ITA with this.  When I read about him SCREAMING for the beater?  That would get one warning here.  "If you scream again you have to go in your room and no beater".  And then follow through.  Yes that means more screaming and drama on that day but I can almost guarantee it would be the beginning of the end of that kind of behavior.

[DevaMajka]

I started a "schedule" and it seems to help things run more smoothly. It ended up that our days have to be pretty scheduled, in order to work around ds1 going to school. There really aren't many options for ds2's nap time, for example. Exdp isn't totally on board with having things so scheduled, but I think it's worth a shot to see if ds2 can get more sleep! I think that would help a lot. Thinking back, when he's getting enough sleep he copes WAYYY better with disappointment, and is much more cooperative.

It REALLY helps when he can be busy all day, too!

 

Originally Posted by becoming 

One thing stood out to me from your follow-up post. You said you can't take DS2 in the backyard without waiting a couple of hours for him to come back in. It REALLY sounds to me like he could benefit from some boundaries.

This is because I can't pick him up for another week or so, because of my surgery. I wouldn't mind picking him up and bringing him in if I could!

[becoming]

I understand that, but I guess I feel like you shouldn't have to physically remove him from the situation for him to understand that time's up. Also, the cake situation & your older son not being able to play Legos/games/etc., all of that sounds like there are no real boundaries in place for your younger DS. He's old enough to begin to understand that he needs to leave his brother's things alone sometimes, for example. He's old enough to understand that he can't help with *everything* you have to do around the house.

[dawncayden]

Even if you used some playful parenting techniques to get him back inside after a mini play outside, 'Oh lets go inside and find xyz', or getting out his own duplo when big brother wants to play legos.

Ds2 has boundaries for lots of things but we also use lots of distraction and playful techniques to get out of sticky situations. 

[DevaMajka]

If I hadn't had ds1 first, I totally would not believe you that a not-quite-2yo would willingly come inside when he wanted to stay out. lol. Ds2....he's intense. I think it would take some work to get him to come inside willingly if he wanted to stay out. I mean, he's definitely getting better as he gets older. His "fits" are lasting less time, and he's able to get past disappointments more easily. And it's not like he *never* cooperates- sometimes he does.

Playful parenting doesn't work for him if he's made up his mind. The only "bribe" that usually works is candy, and I don't want to get into *that* habit. lol. I've tried giving him an alternative before (for example, if I have to take something away from him), and it doesn't matter what it is, he throws it in anger. Even if it's a cookie, because at that point NOTHING will work except the original thing.

I think I need to start a GD thread about ds2...lol

[D_McG]

my kids had fits during transitions at that age too.  consistency helped and i guess i didn't expect cooperation/willinglness.  not in a 2 y/o.  and playful parenting seems so... fake to me in situations like that.  

I am kinda dictatorial though 

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by DevaMajka 

If I hadn't had ds1 first, I totally would not believe you that a not-quite-2yo would willingly come inside when he wanted to stay out.

This is exactly what I was thinking.

But anyway, I do think you should start a thread about DS2 (and put the link here!), he does sound like a handful, and I'm sure your physical restrictions make it nearly impossible!!! I'm sure I can come up with some ideas but my brain is fried right now.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by D_McG 

my kids had fits during transitions at that age too.  consistency helped and i guess i didn't expect cooperation/willinglness.  not in a 2 y/o. 

True. But, without cooperation or willingness, it's really hard to find a workable strategy when you're physically limited in what you can do, yk?

[DevaMajka]

I should add that tomorrow is my 6 week appt after my surgery, so I'm now able to pick him up a little bit. I'm hoping that at the appt, they'll say I can go back to life as usual, with no limitations.

[D_McG]

Originally Posted by Storm Bride 

True. But, without cooperation or willingness, it's really hard to find a workable strategy when you're physically limited in what you can do, yk?

yes i know it's hard.  i was very debilitated at the end of my pregnancy (pubic syphasis).  I did a lot of threats and yelling lol.  But it's very hard, I know.  I'm glad you'll be back to normal soon!