Yes Ma'am, No Sir, Yeah, Whatever - Are you raising polite children? - Page 8

[KaylaBeanie]

Phew, I thought I was the only "unmannerly" person on here, haha.

I am deeply opposed to sir/ma'am.

I hate titles. My nieces call me by my first names, my nanny kid's friends call me by my first name and I will someday insist my children's friends call me by my first name. 

I really think that simply living is the best way to instill manners. For instance, my nanny kid is 7. He sees me hold doors open for people all the time. A few weeks ago, he ran ahead of me and opened a door for a lady and her small child. Kids like to mimic and model. Most of them will pick up the basics. If you tell your toddler "please hand me the ball," "thank you for handing me the ball, " and so on, they'll probably get the picture. Of course there will always be kids who need a little extra help, but most will be fine. 

I also really think that most "manners" are pure habit. When someone holds the door open for me, I say "thank you" out of habit. I'm not actually pondering my state of thankfulness. 

[ollyoxenfree]

It was funny to see this thread pop up again now. I didn't read or respond when it was first posted and didn't follow it. However, I was thinking about manners and etiquette yesterday. After spending some time and putting some thought into a fairly lengthy response to a request, the OP did not post a "thank you" or any acknowledgement of my offering. Instead, she asked for more. There was no "thanks in advance" in her first post and none in her later response. And funny enough, no one else has responded. I understand that she may be rushed or distracted and simply forgot. I understand that she may assume that her gratitude is implied. I understand we may have cultural differences and that she may think that saying thanks isn't important. It took me a minute to remind myself of all of this though. I'm extending the benefit of the doubt, but my initial gut response when I read her second post was not favourable.

I think manners and etiquette lubricate the social machinery and help make everything run just a little smoother. They provide positive reinforcement to act well towards each other. Most times, manners are a really just an expression of thoughtfulness toward another person. Life in the 21st century is pretty stressful. Using good manners extends a little grace into another's life for a brief moment. And that's something worthwhile to nurture. 

[rightkindofme]

I'm only up to page 3, so this may be edited after I finish the thread.  The phrase "Bless your heart" makes me go:  In my experience this phrase is usually used in a sarcastic, "I'm being a witch but you have to suck it up and take it because I said it in a nice way" thing.  It makes me so angry that I want to spit nails and punch people in the face.  If you want to be rude to me, just be freakin rude to me.  Stop acting like you are special because you can be nasty in a two faced way.

*ahem*  That said, my daughter says Sir and Ma'am and please and thank you, etc.  She does these things because I model them.  When she asks me a question I respond with, "Yes, Ma'am."   I know it is only supposed to be for older people, but I like it.  So I use it.  I also answer my husband with "Yes, Sir."  And we aren't military or southern.  I'm a weird California hippy freak and I just think they sound nice. 

Edit!  After reading this whole long thread the main thing I am compelled to add is that the only time in my life I have dealt with a man who wanted to hold my car door for me it was in an established D/s (Dominant/submissive) bdsm relationship.  I think that if anyone else ever did it to me I would freak out because I have not agreed to be your submissive! 

Edited by rightkindofme - 7/5/11 at 7:24am

[rightkindofme]

Originally Posted by 2xy 

What about masochists? Should they treat others the way they'd like to be treated?

[bonamarq]

I was just thinking this - We model and now expect (age 7) please and thank you/excuse me - but not ma'am or sir  - One thing I've noticed as a regional difference is people here (WV) say "I don't care" when they mean 'I don't mind" but when my dd says this it sounds rude to me (although she really hasn't it meant it that way) We are trying to get her to say 'mind' instead

I think manners is a matter of respect and your attitude and tone convey that far more than acutal words and I try to keep that our focus - Sorry can sound extremely rude and be worse than nothing at all -