4 yo and Needing help

[scsigrl]

My sweet DS is not so sweet any more.  He is almost 4.5 and I am not so sure we'll make it to 5 :(

I am at my limit with him.  He doesn't listen, is rude, hurts his sister, screams when I try to talk to him and on and on.

I need actual things to help us both through this.  

I don't want reading list ideas, I have read till the cows come home. I need ACTUAL things I can do.  I am afraid I am going to hurt him some days he is that nuts.  I am worried that this is all going to grow into bigger issues as the yeas go forward and he gets bigger unless something changes FAST.

:(

[elisheva]

My ds1 is also on the cusp of 4.5 and yes with the rudeness and meanness to his siblings. He screamed at me the whole way home from the beach this afternoon because I refused to pull over, pick up his dropped book, and return it to him (this is a 15 min trip, btw...). Someone did post this to my FB feed today - http://simplekids.net/6-peaceful-solutions-for-hitting-and-anger-2

I plan to try some of the techniques with ds1 (and myself ) to see if we can't get him to stop pinching/biting. 

It seems to have come on almost over night. I'm guessing it's part of a developmental phase and maybe, just maybe, this too shall pass??????

I also find it helps if I take time to reconnect with him (sometimes VERY difficult to even CONTEMPLATE after he has just "ordered" me to do something and I'm feeling like telling him exactly what he can do with that tone of voice...). I'm also reminded of Gordon Neufeld's advice to take time at the beginning of each day to reconnect with your kids and to refocus them on using you as their compass point...hmmm, gonna try that one again tomorrow.

Sorry to be short on solutions. Maybe someone who has BTDT will show up...

[mumkimum]

Joining in to say I really am hating the 4.5 y/o age too.  Dd is a little out of control with the screechy-whining about just TOO MANY THINGS these days.  

I have found, for both of us, we start getting overwhelmed when we're trying to deal with too many things at a time, so I remind her to tell me 'one thing at a time' (and vice versa - look dd, I'm doing xyz, please just one thing at a time and let me finish before you ask me for anything right now).  Sometimes that helps in certain situations.  It goes both ways too so I've been trying to remind us both about working things out that way more often.

I'm also coming to realize that things go downhill a lot faster when I've stopped explaining (even a simple explaination) why I'm asking dd to do things, and I just go right into ordering her around.  I'm working on that myself, but I think we've fallen into a tendency to do that here as of late and (quite understandibly) she just can't handle being told what to do.

I try really hard to have regular things in the day that we look forward to - afternoon coffee (for me) and snacks - or something nice for after dinner and a favorite show for both of us before bed, one or two bigger weekly outings that are more fun than just everyday stuff ( bigger park, library, children's museum).  We don't have any classes for her right now, but that's usually helped too - and good to hang out with other people for her. 

[kdescalzi]

Right there with you! My sweet 4.5 yr ds has turned into a monster. I am so sad and frustrated on an hourly basis. No amount of talking,explaining,coaxing, time-outs , or even spanking has helped. He continues to yell, hit, and be rude. I am so sad for the loss of my innocent sweet boy and so frustrated at how to deal with him! I want to connect with him and teach him that being rude or mean is wrong but I am at a loss on how to do that. I too have read every book you can think of. I really hope this is a developmental stage and not his actual personality....thats what scares me the most....is he turning into a mean person?? if so, why? and what can I do?