Originally Posted by serenbat
no I'm not and you mustn't know states do have flexibility
I'm not sure if you are talking about *all* kinds of "welfare", but I do know that at least in Indiana, there is a *strict* 24-month limit on receiving TANF. It doesn't matter if you got it for 24 months, then later you are homeless, and you want to get it again, they will *not* allow you to re-apply/receive more than that time limit.
Originally Posted by couldbebetter29
I believe any one can choose to leave low income housing but you have to make the choice to make your life better. If you do not have the education already go to school while on assistance. In Michigan you can do this, but a lot do not.
It isn't always so easy. DF, for example, wanted to go to college *so* bad as soon as he graduated high school. His step-dad (who made, literally, $1 million/year), said as long as DF went to work 1 year in manual labor, his step-dad would pay for him to go to wherever college, for whatever he wanted. DF did, but as soon as he started talking about where he wanted to go/what he wanted to do, his step-dad changed his tune. He wasn't going to pay for DF to go "get smart." He wasn't going to "waste the money for DF to have his head in the clouds." etc. DF tried to apply for grants/loans, but... when your parents make that much money, I guess they figure you don't need the help to pay for school, so he didn't qualify for any help, not even loans. DF is on autism spectrum, and was never taught how to do even basic living skills, he had no job skills (for jobs he would qualify for w/o education, he's *very* smart in every religion I know about, and everyone who has ever talked to him (that I know of), has said he should do some sort of teaching of religion or something, but nothing he can do without "proper" education, even though he probably knows as much, if not more than someone who *does* have proper education), he never had support from his family to do anything, never taught anything about having a job, or finances. He lived with his family, rent free, as he didn't know anything about how to get/hold a job, when I met him. I taught him (the best I knew, since I never was taught, either, about working, or paying bills, or any essential life skills [Yay! Foster system!]), how to apply for jobs, helped him figure out how to fill them out, called him every day to make sure he was ready/leaving for work, etc. He has the strongest work ethic of just about anyone I know, and has gone in to work when he's sick more than anyone I know. (Not great, and he doesn't like it, and I think that maybe there should be more time allowed off for *true* sickness, because when he ended up in ER, and was so sick he could hardly leave bathroom, he used up his time off already, and it's only February.) But as soon as he was not tied to bathroom anymore, he was back at work, so he didn't lose his job. This is the best job he's had in his life, and it's still *very* low, compared to COL (which I believe our area is fairly low, compared to most.). So while I suppose *almost* anyone *might* could leave low income housing, it isn't always so easy as, "Oh, I'm going to go find me somewhere better." or even, "Oh, I'm just going to go back to school and get a better job." I know one of my professors when I was in school had 2 master's degrees, 2 bachelor's degrees, and was working on another master's, and was making just above minimum wage. I know that story personally, as we were talking about it when I was homeless and trying to figure out how to make up my finals when there was no public transportation and I had no way to just go and take them. So not just "heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend." While I would like to go back to school (and planning on getting certification either summer or fall semester to try and get a better job), stories like that make me realize that "better education" doesn't always end up being worth it. I can't imagine the amount of money my professor spent/amount of loans my professor had to spend/take out to get that much education, just to be making not even minimum wage.
Originally Posted by TiredX2
Our society argues that executives won't work unless they get extra compensation (for example, in the recent Twinkee fiasco, there were millions of bonuses proposed to keep the executives on through bankruptcy--- otherwise, they might have left). And yet we expect someone to work for poverty wages, put their children in substandard care and end up kicked off of health insurance because they "should." At some point it's actually a logical conclusion to stay on welfare programs. One of the things we, as a society, can do to combat that is fight for an actual living wage so that people working full time can afford housing, food and healthcare instead of ending up worse off than they were before.
That would be the first thing I think would help. If people *could* actually make it working, it would make it so much easier to work to make it. Being so tired at the end of the day you can't even prepare meal for your family, *if you even get to see them at all* PLUS not making enough money to make your bills is *very* discouraging. I understand why someone would not do it. (Even though I did, when I was working. I literally got to see my kids/DF one day a week, *if* that. Otherwise, they were staying at my mom's house. She got them up, got them dressed for school, got them on bus, they got off bus after school and went to my mom's, where they spent the afternoon, ate dinner, and went to bed. *IF* I got the weekend off, I would get to see them then, but... I was so exhausted that the most I could muster was sandwiches DD made for them, and watch a movie. If I worked 7 days/week, I wouldn't get to see them at all. It was *insanely* difficult on all of us, they were having behavior issues due to the inconsistency of my schedule and/or not getting to see mommy and daddy or knowing if they would get to, etc. I don't think it's fair that it should have to be that way, especially adding on not knowing if you'll be able to make the bills. If I weren't so dang embarrassed to ask for help to survive, I would have asked for it, but I hate(d) hearing how I/we should just be working, not relying on the system, or hearing crap from people at grocery store when I went and used EBT card to buy groceries, because no one believed I was working 50-60 hours/week, and still needed assistance. I don't begrudge anyone who would rather stay with their kids and get assistance. I think it's important to be able to see your kids, and get to spend time with them.
Originally Posted by Storm Bride
What about the kid whose mom's boyfriend kicked him out of the house at 16, because he was sick of supporting "these brats"? This kid had an average intellect, at best. He was, imo, showing the effects of malnutrition (not severe, but present). By the time he was in his early 20s, he was deliberately dealing drugs (pot) to known narcotics officers, so that he could get a jail term over the winter...he mostly lived on the street, but it was cold.
That sounds a lot like DF's situation, when he was younger. He never ended up in jail, but he lived on the streets when his step-dad decided he was tired of "taking care of him" (if you can call it that.) Thankfully, he lived in Alabama at the time, so it wasn't usually terribly cold, but I guess he stayed with friend(s) when it did.
Originally Posted by kathymuggle
I expect to be thanked when I give stuff to a person. In general, if you can offer thanks for a gift, you should not accept the gift.
So what about when someone thinks they are "helping" you by giving you things that either are torn/horribly stained/obviously something that someone couldn't use (like infant/toddler clothing for an elementary-aged child, for example). I still say thank you, because I feel obligated to, but if someone brings me something, especially something to "help" me, I would hope that they offer me things that I could use, not things that are ill-fitting or don't fit at all, or clothes that aren't even acceptable to wear, say, to school. But I still say thank you, because it's expected, and because I should be thankful that someone gave me something. Even if I can't use it. But it hurts worse than not being given anything at all, sometimes.
Originally Posted by mamaofthree
some time ago on mothering.com someone posted about getting food from friends and it was out of date, dented cans that all put together could not even make a meal. that really is crappy. and clothing that is stained, ripped, worn out... don't give that to people. just because they have nothing doesn't mean they need crap. i try and give what i would like to receive. food that we could eat without risk of poisoning, clothing that is at least in this generation, and from the heart... like i said no strings attached.
This is what I was trying to say, but I still feel obligated to say thank you. A few years ago, when we were homeless, someone at our church signed us up for angel tree/holiday helper type program. It was DD (5), DS (2) and me. When we got the gifts, there were newborn baby girl clothes, baby girl toys, baby girl accessories, etc, and nothing for DS. I don't know what happened, but it was all inappropriate stuff. I said thank you, because i did appreciate the thought, but... it left me with two boxes of newborn baby girl clothes, and DS was still wearing the same two pairs of pants/same 3 shirts over and over, with my not having a way to wash them with any regularity. The thought does count, I think, but it doesn't keep baby clothed and warm.