16 mo up every hour...Mama's losing it.

[ellairiesmom]

xpost in Breastfeeding...I have been avoiding posting this because part of me feels like this is just par for the course & that we are too far gone...we breastfeed exclusively, she wouldn't take a paci, always nurse to sleep, co-sleep, AP...what did I expect?  But hundreds of families are doing the same things & they can't be up all night, EVERY night.  I would recognize other zombie Mama's walking around the grocery store?  Wouldn't I? 

DD2 is almost 16 mos & she had one period around 5 mos where she slept 5 hours.  It lasted a couple weeks & that was it.  Never again.  She basically sleeps about an hour, maybe 2 before waking up crying.  Then only nursing works & I have to try & delatch her several times before she is back to sleep deep enough to let me.  From 5am till 7am, she is a nightmare.  Only wants to be latched on, screams until I let her, and will wake every 30 mins to do it again.  Right now though-she is still sleeping.  She finally went back into a deep sleep at 7:30 (right before I had to get up for the 20 mos old I watch at our house all day) & hasn't made a peep since. 

She doesn't nap well either.  There are days I end up not being able to get her down at all.  But if I do, she rarely naps longer than an hour.  Unless we are in the car.  She ALWAYS sleeps well in the car. 

I try comforting her, rubbing her back, singing etc but she SCREAMS until I let her nurse.  She has actually started getting a little rough & will kind of hit me if I am trying to comfort her any way beside my breast. 

During the day she is typically happy, fun, playful, eats a ton of food etc.  Sometimes, she does have dark circles under her eyes though.

DD1 also always had to nurse to sleep but she would go 2-3 hours, and by the time she was 18 mos, was finally going 4ish.  DD2 has had a much tougher time with teeth, walked a couple months earlier than DD1 & in general, is a much more active toddler.  She is a risk taker, climber, busy, little one. 

She also refused a bottle from the get go, refused a paci, just finally started drinking out of a sippy cup...I couldn't leave her with anyone, even DH, until recently.  And a couple weeks ago, I slept over a friends for the 1st time ever since having kids & she slept most of the night for DH.  She did have to be up against him, but she slept. 

Is this a case of a baby who needs to be nightweaned?  I don't even know where to begin, but I know this isn't good for her & it isn't good for me. 

[hildare]

this was our story too.. we ended up nightweaning dd --like this week!  she's almost 19 mos. 

the thing about you is that if she slept for your dh, then with you she might be waking so much because the milk is right there and she knows it or smells it. 

the way i look at it is.. if it's seriously affecting you during the day and you know she's getting adequate nutrition, it might be a good thing to nightwean to make a happy mama.  you can't provide 100% during the day if you're so out of it.  it sounds like it might not be that difficult for you to do if you can get your dh to sleep with her and comfort her while you sleep in another space.  i wouldn't recommend nighweaning before you're ready but honestly, i am SO glad we did.  i feel like a different person now that i'm getting sleep-- and my dd seems fine!  nutritionally, i know it's ok, too.  especially for you if you're home with her during the day.  for us, this crazy nightwaking didn't get better on its own, and i waited (and waited and waited) for it to.  nightweaning has made us all less grumpy, dd too.  so.. that's just our experience.  take it as you will.  good luck!

[LadyCatherine185]

((*hugs*)) mama, I could've written your exact post (and I am sure that I did several times!) about DS1. He was waking every hour all night until about 19 mos old. I got pregnant with DS2 when he was about 18 mos and I couldn't take it anymore. So I started nightweaning using a longer-more-drawn-out version of the Jay Gordon Method (you can google jay gordon nightweaning). It took about a month, but there were NO tears involved, and he went from waking every hour, and wanting to stay latched from 5-7 just like your DD, to sleeping 3 hour stretches within a week... another week later we were getting 5 hour stretches. Soon he began waking only ONCE or TWICE a night, and would go to sleep with a quick (about 5-10 second) nursing. Then, we moved him to his own bed. And when he woke up, DH went to him. He started STTN a few nights a week, and the times he did wake up he went RIGHT BACK TO SLEEP with a cuddle from DH. He still wakes up 1-2 times a night most nights, but DH handles nighttime with DS1, since I am handling (once again a horrible sleeping) nights with DS2.

I say nightweaning is definitely worth it. I plan to nightwean DS2 much sooner than I waited with DS1.

[ellairiesmom]

Thank you so much for your kind, helpful replies!   My posts are so long & I appreciate it!!!!

It is such a tough thing to decide to do...I feel horrible, but also know we can't keep going on like this.  I realize that it is impacting me bigtime. 

It's really actually been going on a long time too.  I haven't slept normal since 2007.  DD1 wasn't easy, just not as bad...& then I was pregnant with DD2.  We ended up moving DD1 to her own bed & room when she turned 2 because at 6 mos pregnant, I couldn't take it anymore.  We made a big deal of her big girl room & bed & started a habit that would be frowned upon here, but worked for us...we put a little travel DVD player in her bed & she got to pick a movie.  She would get a story from me, then pick her movie, fall asleep & then DH would go to her in the night when she woke up.  (By then, I was tossing & turning all night, had sciatica & pregnancy insomnia)  

But DD2 is too young for the DVD player type thing. 

Logistically, which way should I go here...

We have a 3rd bedroom that we use as a playroom-it has a queen mattress on the floor with a big playhouse tent on top of it & they play in it everyday.  I could go sleep in there & DH could stay with DD2 in our bed.  BUT, it does make me nervous because he sleeps more soundly & I worry she could fall out my side of the bed without me there.  DH is wondering if we should make the playroom into her "bedroom", & they sleep in the big play tent on the queen bed & that she would think of it as "her big girl bed"????  Plus it's already on the floor & safe. 

I will google Jay Gordon...I know I have heard him mentioned here before. 

So, once you nightwean, can they come back into the bed with you or is that it?  They sleep in their own bed after that for good?  That's the part I am not sure I am ready for...

[LadyCatherine185]

the jay gordon method is a way to nightwean but continue bedshairing :)

[hildare]

we aren't really doing the gordon method.  we are still bedsharing.  we've done like the sears recommend-- telling dd that the boobies are going night night when she does.  she might wake up once or twice and fuss just a little, but being beside her we just soothe her back to sleep.

is your 3rd bedroom going to be her room?  if it were me, i'd only want her to go into the room that would be hers or else let her sleep with your dh.  you can get a side rail if you're worried about her falling, or you could just put that mattress temporarily on the floor.  since you've had success with dh and her sleeping with some ease, that's where i'd go with it, personally. 

[ellairiesmom]

ahhhh...I am on his website now & reading about his plan. 

Yeah-if we go this route, we will need to let the neighbors know or keep the AC on & windows closed.  I think I would be more likely to stick with it if I go with the latter and am not worried about the neighbors.  I often give in after trying to rub, pat, sing, soothe her back to sleep because I am worried about waking the neighbors up! 

Let me keep reading on...see if I have any questions for you Mamas.

[LadyCatherine185]

what i did, rather than full-on JG method, was shorten the length of time I would let him nurse. I would first shuss/pat and if he started getting upset I would nurse for a few seconds and then unlatch him and shussh/pat and would repeat that until he fell asleep. That is why it took us about a month, rather than 10 days that he suggests. Once his body got used to not getting calories at night (even though he was still able to suck/nurse) I think that helped him sleep better without me having to completely stop nursing him at wakeups. Once he was down to only waking up 2ish times a night is when we moved him to his own bed and had DH take over.

[EarthBirthLady]

The post you wrote could literally be my life and my experience, only with a son...word for word. I take mental refuge in the fact that so many moms are saying "this is my life!!" wow. I wouldnt change bedsharing, AP, etc for the world, but to be honest I can see why some people think its not for them as it did require I call on patience and coping skills that I didnt know I had within me...every night! The problem for me is that most of you are saying this is going on with older babies/young toddlers like around 15 through 18 months? mine is just 10 months old. I do not think night weaning is appropriate at this time because he has already gotten to where he will only nurse during naps...he is SUPPPPERRRRR active and into things during the day and I offer nursing regularly but he will latch on for like 10 seconds and then want to get down and go play. Usually he just latches on long enough to initiate let down then crawls off :( So he would nap 3x a day plus night nursing plus upon waking...but now he is starting to refuse to nap except for maybe once during the day. This really worries me because I dont want my supply to dry up...everyone is ALWAYS talking about nursing until 2 years at least for optimal health and child led weaning...but what if your child is showing signs of daytime weaning at 10 m?! If you really  believe in child led weaning does that mean at ANY age they start initiation? I feel he is moving towards only needing nursing to sleep and then needing less sleep so this makes me sad. I also hear a reoccurent theme that DH can put the kiddos down in a different way and they stay asleep. Not so for us he just screams until he can nurse. And with it being hard to get him to nurse during the day...I sort of dont want to give it up. I am rambling at this point but I feel like I have to choose between sleeping some and our nursing relationship and it jsut cant be winding down at only 10 months can it?? I never did CIO, SAHM, very gentle choices from beginning...I dont think he is resentful of me in anyway? My mom said my brother weaned at 13 months voluntarily but she started doing CIO with him at 10 months? Guidance PLEASE?

[sunnygir1]

Originally Posted by EarthBirthLady 

The post you wrote could literally be my life and my experience, only with a son...word for word. I take mental refuge in the fact that so many moms are saying "this is my life!!" wow. I wouldnt change bedsharing, AP, etc for the world, but to be honest I can see why some people think its not for them as it did require I call on patience and coping skills that I didnt know I had within me...every night! The problem for me is that most of you are saying this is going on with older babies/young toddlers like around 15 through 18 months? mine is just 10 months old. I do not think night weaning is appropriate at this time because he has already gotten to where he will only nurse during naps...he is SUPPPPERRRRR active and into things during the day and I offer nursing regularly but he will latch on for like 10 seconds and then want to get down and go play. Usually he just latches on long enough to initiate let down then crawls off :( So he would nap 3x a day plus night nursing plus upon waking...but now he is starting to refuse to nap except for maybe once during the day. This really worries me because I dont want my supply to dry up...everyone is ALWAYS talking about nursing until 2 years at least for optimal health and child led weaning...but what if your child is showing signs of daytime weaning at 10 m?! If you really  believe in child led weaning does that mean at ANY age they start initiation? I feel he is moving towards only needing nursing to sleep and then needing less sleep so this makes me sad. I also hear a reoccurent theme that DH can put the kiddos down in a different way and they stay asleep. Not so for us he just screams until he can nurse. And with it being hard to get him to nurse during the day...I sort of dont want to give it up. I am rambling at this point but I feel like I have to choose between sleeping some and our nursing relationship and it jsut cant be winding down at only 10 months can it?? I never did CIO, SAHM, very gentle choices from beginning...I dont think he is resentful of me in anyway? My mom said my brother weaned at 13 months voluntarily but she started doing CIO with him at 10 months? Guidance PLEASE?

I don't think your milk will go away.  Even when dd was only nursing 3 times a day I still had milk, my supply just adjusted to her needs.  The baby sucking is what stimulates milk production.

If you need to try night weaning for your sleep and sanity, you can choose a time frame to start with (with mine I did 12 midnight to 5am for starters).  Then your lo can still nurse some and you can (hopefully) sleep some.  The other thing you will probably find if you do night wean is that he will want to nurse more in the morning and evening.  My ds will nurse on both sides 3 times in 2 hours in the morning and he is 20 months.

You might also find that he isn't ready to night wean.  Nightweaning with dd was great -- she only cried a lot for a night or two and then started sleeping more.  It started off okay with ds, although he was more stubborn about resisting it, but then things just got worse and worse -- I mean, the worst month for sleep I've had in the last year, and I gave up and started nursing him at night again.