How to balance it all.

[fyrebloom]

So I've been unschooling my 5 year old this year and plan to start kindergarten next year.  I also have three other children at home and all of the other chaos and clutter that comes with having 4 young kids!  I'm struggling to keep up with the house and still do enough with the kids.  How do you balance it all?  We've been clutter purging like mad to make life simple but it feels like I spend the whole day cleaning and then once the baby goes down for a nap we do some school time.  How do you handle housekeeping and homeschooling (and all the other responsibilities that go with it) in your home.

[OTMomma]

Personally, I am a pretty crummy housekeeper. I focus on trying to give each of my kids some one on one time each day- and on a great day we all do an art project or such together, nap time is a great time to spend with an older child. My dh helps a lot with the house work when he gets home- because he knows the kids need my attention during the day, Also on great days, I have the kids help clean up the whole house as fast as we can right before it's time for dh to get home.

Some day when my kids are grown, my house will be clean.

[phathui5]

My oldest child is ten and over the last four or five years I've become a much better housekeeper. The house is pretty much at the point now where visitors could show up at any time and I wouldn't be embarassed.

Some things that help are:

- doing a load or two of laundry every day, folding and putting it away every 3-4 days

- doing dishes 2-3 times a day so they don't pile up

- 2-3 times a day, setting a timer for 5-10 minutes and cleaning the house with the kids, picking things up and putting them away

When I was really frustrated with how the house was looking, I spent time reading books on housekeeping. I also tried www.flylady.net and www.motivatedmoms.com and modified them to fit our family.

[DahliaRW]

My house is usually messy to some degree, that's just life!  One thing that helps me is teaching my kids to clean up their toys.  My boys like to play video games with my husbad for around 15 minutes or so every evening before bed.  So our rule is no games unless the toys are picked up downstairs.  Now, they're not always put away perfectly and I do have to go back through and organize every once in a while, but at least they get picked up "mostly" every day.  The other thing I do is let the bedrooms go and concentrate more on sprucing up the public areas of the house.  Dh and I also try to spend one evening every 1-2 weeks trying to get everything major picked up.  These are the nights that for sure I get around to mopping and such.  Also, as others have said, not letting things pile up really makes a difference.  One sink full of dishes is a lot easier to deal with than a full counter and sink! 

Now, not that by any means my house is perfect or even close to it.  Right now dinner dishes are still on my table because I"m tired and don't feel like doing them.  The living room still has our suitcases from our trip to January in it because I desperately need to clean up our closet to put them away.  And don't look in my pantry (or the master bedroom for that matter!).  But you do the best you can and as your kids get older and can help more and such it will get easier!

I haven't homeschooled yet, starting next year, so we'll see how that affects everything!

[Savoir Faire]

First...love N or Boston, S. of Sanity. I think I might use that with us living N. of Tucson!

I totally know where you are coming from. I have LOTS of troubles with all this but am working and here's what is working for me.

* What works for others might not work for you. Don't try to conform to other's systems/rules because, honestly, I feel it just makes more havoc.

* DO THE DISHES AFTER EVERY MEAL. No dishes in the sink. (Seriously. This took me awhile...but has made a huge difference.)

* Get a routine. With that many young kids...it is ESSENTIAL. Figure out what works for you...and then GO WITH IT. I'm really trying to embrace GOOD ENOUGH house keeping. No. It won't be perfect...but oh well. Life is too short.

Here's what we do and honestly, the days we follow it are usually pretty darn good.

*Wake up somewhere between 730 to 745.

* I take a shower...hope the children stay asleep. Kids don't stay asleep, instead choosing to come in the shower and beg for me to play game with them.

*8am...go downstairs, completely dressed. Drink coffee. Check email. Explain to kids AGAIN that coffee time is "my" time and they need to play alone or learn to sleep longer.

*Somewhere between 830 to 9 I make breakfast. I try to inforce the "I don't feed people who are still in pajamas" rule.

*After breakfast, kids put their plates up and I wash the dishes. I have two (ages 5 and 6) and they rotate days of cleaning the table and sweeping the floor. Starting at age 3 in our house...you are capable of bringing dishes to the sink.

*930 to 1030ish-- the kids play upstairs usually. I finish cleaning (or whatever) and go make my bed/brush teeth. At this point, the kids better have their beds made/teeth brushed or they lose points (similar to a discipline ladder). I frantically photocopy anything I need for that day.

*1030ish-- call children down to table. We are only working on Explode the Code workbooks, Singapore Math, Lollipop Logic, Story of the World and a teeny tiny miniscule science. We do not do everything everyday.

* 1130ish-- hand out food to STARVING children while I try to make lunch. As we are trying to save more $$, I'm making more meals from scratch. Kids can play while I do this.

*Lunch. Repeat breakfast routine.

*1230ish-- at this point, if we're leaving to run errands, we go now before everyone is too tired (and the school kids are out). If not, we might read books.

*130, if everyone is fighting I order quiet time. Kids go up to room for 30-45 to "read books." Any yelling will result in having to extend quiet time because I don't hear quiet. At this point, I drink tea and read the British Gossip pages :)

Then...from then on...you're looking at playing, maybe watching videos (if they aren't being too naughty) or going to whatever activity they do. If we're at home all afternoon/evening, I start dinner in the hour of 4.

Honestly...our best days are when we follow the routine. They know what to expect. I know what to expect. I second decluttering/downsizing-- less mess to deal with. I'd say figure out your current routine and just going from there.

I hope this helps. Of course, my floor is a mess right now but we ran out after dinner last night to a baseball game down in town...so I guess I'll spend today paying for it!

Good luck...

[SweetSilver]

We are a young, unschooling family.  DD1 is kindergarten age--whoa! nearly a "first grader"---and our state has no requirements before 8yo.  I am also a fan of delayed academics, so, unless the girls are into it, a feel no compelling reason to introduce something.  I am also not a natural housekeeper (which is odd, since I am a professional housekeeper!)

    Add this all together, and what i've been doing with this time before I need to be in touch with the school district is to incorporate those habits and routines, like what Savoir Faire has developed.  (Except we don't do table time.  Homeschool is anytime, and have still managed to learn to read and write and some basic mathematics.)  

     Regardless of your philosophy of what homeschooling should look like, this view takes a lot of pressure off--especially with an entire troop of kids growing up behind the eldest.  You don't need to "add" homeschooling to your routine yet.  IT IS THERE.  Young kids are natural unschoolers.  Focus on figuring out what needs to be done to bring the house to a level of order that makes things easy to function.  

     For the record, our house is a mess.  Yeah, we get the toys put away, but that always inspires the girls to start a game called "Festival" or "Zoo" or "School" or "Pet Store" that involves EVERY TOY IN THE HOUSE.  None of this "when you are done playing with it put it away" nonsense.  Also, I find transitioning to storytime is easier when the elaborate games they set up are left out to begin the next day.  We don't have a baby in our house, though.

     My DH is better at concocting games for them.  I tend to move around the house with them.  If they play in the bedroom, I fold and put away laundry.  Playroom?  I do the dishes.  Living room, I do "toy finding" and dust.  I usually ask what they want me to do, play a game, do a craft, read or do toy finding.  If we go outside and they don't want to go biking down the street or play "baseball", I do gardening.  I almost always allow myself to be interrupted by exciting bug finds and requests to set up a game or turn on the hose. 

     Start a calender on your fridge for one week.  Write down the "homeschoolish" things your kindergartener is doing.  Even spotting a bird in the garden and watching it for 5 minutes is a noteworthy entry. Counts to 100?   If he helps to make pancakes or sets the table?  Make a note.  Make it as simple or elaborate as you like.  At the end of the week, punch in some holes and add it to a binder.  Repeat.  Put in any homeschoolish mementoes.  After a while you will see how much you are already doing.

[Thandiwe]

I really like your routine!  I need to adhere to a schedule in our house, and I think that would make a big difference.  We struggle with structure a lot.  I will be returning to college to finish my degree in the evenings this fall, so I'm hoping that helps us get into a routine.  Something about being stuck in the house day. after. day leaves me unstructured and ambling pointlessly.  I just wanted to say I really like your schedule!
 

Originally Posted by Savoir Faire 

I have LOTS of troubles with all this but am working and here's what is working for me.

[mom2threenurslings]

We're an unschooling family of 7. Our kids are 12, 10, 8, 5 and 3. As far as housekeeping goes, each child is "captain" of a certain room each week, rotating rooms every week. Each room comes with specific duties that must be performed daily or as needed:

Kitchen: loads and runs dishwasher; hand washes dishes, puts dishes away, cooks / helps cook at least 2 meals a week

Dining / homeschool room: makes sure everyone clears their place after meals; washes and dries table as needed; sweeps floor

Living room: basic clean-up as needed; reminds kids to put things away / bring toys upstairs as needed; vacuums as neeed

Laundry: does one load of laundry a day; folds and puts away any clean clothes from laundry that dh does

Helper: helps "captains" as needed

Everyone is responsible for cleaning up after themselves, keeping the bathroom clean, etc. 

We also have a giant white board hanging on our wall where we keep a calendar with our appointments and activities on it, a list of upcoming events, lists of projects each person has in the works, and a running to-do list for my husband and I. It really helps us keep organized. 

[fyrebloom]

Savoir:  Looks like we're pretty close in routine. 

Wake at 8:30 get showered and dressed, make the bed, drink my coffee and make breakfast.

The kids usually wake around 10am (although my eldest woke at like 8:29 this morning.  Nothing worse then having to deal with instant whining an hour and a half early and before caffeine and shower.  I have connective tissue disease so If I don't get that shower, my muscles don't work.  UGH) and we get breakfast done.  Kids get dressed, I load the dishwasher, put away laundry, nurse the baby a couple of times, change a diaper or two and try to get a morning circle in, swish and swipe the bathroom.

1pm or so is lunch time.  More dishes into the dishwasher, pick up toys as I go.  Try to work 15 min in the Flylady zone of the week, put the baby down for a nap, talk to the kids and play games. 

4:30 Dh1 comes home and takes over.  I work one evening a week the rest of the time I decompress on the computer while he hangs out with the rugrats.  Kids get a snack.  DH2 comes home at about 6pm and takes over kid duties, I start dinner and DH1 gets doing laundry (or not usually it all waits until the weekend).  Dinner is usually late and the kids go to bed around 10-11pm (if we're on schedule) .  DH 2 does the rest of the dishes (he tends to wait until the counters are full.  It's nasty).

Add to it that I have some physical limitations due to illness and it puts a wrench in things.  Today for instance I'm very ill so doing things is really hard, but a couple of weeks ago I was doing great.  I use flylady and I find it helpful to keep myself on task.  I'm thinking I'll need to modify it more heavily though since I have little time, lots of littles and I need to focus it more on what I need, not what the plan says.   After all my situation is not the same as Hers, right? 

SweetSilver, Writing down what they are doing is a great idea!  Thank you!  If I know what is happening each day I can hopefully feel better about their learning process.  :D 

Edited by fyrebloom - 5/31/11 at 11:11am

[SweetSilver]

Originally Posted by fyrebloom 

SweetSilver, Writing down what they are doing is a great idea!  Thank you!  If I know what is happening each day I can hopefully feel better about their learning process.  :D 

     We started this back in September, and I expected it would evolve to meet our needs.  It's quite a bit different than when we started, and its current form has served us very well for several months now. As an unschooling family with no curriculum, I wanted a way to document the learning I saw, both to reassure me and to collate some of the information when the time comes (at 8yo) when we have to "declare" our homeschooling intentions to the school district.  An unschooling parent primarily is a facilitator of all the ideas that are banging around their heads, and this is where I keep track of "stuff for later" that I might forget. It has even become something of a brief diary of doings in our family.

     I have always liked the idea of homeschool family meetings, and we tried this and tried to write down what we wanted to do and learn, what to stop doing, library requests, places to visit, etc. but that idea was hijacked by our 6yo wanting to do "show and tell" with her toys (like the "Festival" described in my post above, but with ME stuck watching this endless parade.)  We dropped that for a while.  Now we do "mini-meetings" that last five minutes.  I write their requests and a few wishes of my own in the vacant space on our calender.  Short and sweet.

     I am so pleased with how this has turned out, I recommend it often.  It is something that can work with homeschoolers of every stripe and can evolve and become whatever they need it to be.

     Every Monday I make out a new one: two sheets of paper divided by Sharpie lines into each day, plus an extra space.  The following Monday I plunk it into a binder.  Some weeks I will write down a bit on the back about each of the girls, what they've been interested in, their moods and troubles and any observations I feet I want to record. 

     In a year, it will probably be different again, and I might need to start a second one when DD2 nears 8, but I'll figure that out when the day comes.

     DD1 is getting to the age where she's often wanting to work in a "puzzle book" and I suggest this when she complains of boredom and doesn't want to go outside, like today (day after gymnastics is a down day).  So I imagine my job will be getting more involved than just help set up a game or watercolors or something.  I found a math workbook that looks fun and is self-directed.  She spent quite a bit of time cutting out the little "flash" cards.  She's into that fact-oriented stuff, and she was pleased that she knew most of the answers to the flash cards already.  DD2 mostly needs to be nearby, or maybe help put together a forklift from the Erector Set, or do a puzzle together, or, increasingly, baking in the kitchen.  She knows the pancake recipe by heart!

     This "homeschool calender" is one part of the effort that I am making to be an engaged homeschooling parent.  It's early in the game for our family, and a great time to practice and add it in slowly instead of diving in suddenly.

[sarahtar]

heh. I run a household, a small urban farm, a busy home business, and I homeschool. I also spend one day each week working at our partner rural farm.

I have a three ring binder with several sections. One is for projects that will be done incrementally, one is for a calendar, one for my housekeeping schedule, and one for daily/weekly task lists. A separate binder holds school-related stuff. At the beginning of the week, I write out all of the tasks that must be done that week, including every day stuff like washing dishes (we don't have a dishwasher), my weekly cleaning tasks (each week is a different zone, a la Flylady), household repairs, stuff with the business, stuff with either farm, shopping, etc. I sketch out what day I will do each item. Then we just jump in. School only takes part of the morning (though next year with 2nd grade and a preschooler, it will take a bit longer, I think).

(And I don't wash dishes after every meal, lol. As with my business (a small manufacturer of cloth diapers and babywearing items, among other things), I believe in working in batches. It's more efficient to wash 12 plates once a day than it is to wash 4 plates three times a day. Not to mention using less water, soap, and energy. I also never dry dishes. Waste of time when the air will do it for me.)

I have to say, I'm envious of moms who are JUST moms, but there's a bit of envy there for moms who "only" homeschool, too. I have friends whose kids go to PS, and they complain about not having enough time in the day... I'm always wondering exactly what they're doing all day.

[SweetSilver]

Another good "binder" to start:  one that holds goings-on for each month, festivals, fairs etc. that maybe you want to get to SOMEDAY.  Activities, organizations, etc that you'd like to be in touch with on down the road.