2 y/o not listening... surprise!

[t2009]

I'm sure this has been discussed here before, but I couldn't find a prior thread... sorry if it's a repeat.

DS is newly 2. I definitely have been noticing a shift in behavior in the last couple of weeks. The latest is his ability to just totally tune me out.

He's usually very social & he's very verbal. He's also super perceptive with an uncanny memory, so I'm fairly confident that he's almost always hearing me & understanding what I'm saying & even remembering it. Still, he will often not even recognize that I'm talking to him. I've tried asking him to repeat to me what I've just asked of him. Sometimes I can get him to repeat a word or phrase that I've just used, sometimes I get silence, often he just tells me something totally different. Pretty much what I expect for his age.

But it often drives me crazy (my own emotions... that's a whole other thread I should start). I just want to not have to physically go swoop him up every time he needs a diaper change or to get dressed or to do x. Today he was so tired for his nap, but he just sat & stared at me when I asked him to come to his room to change & read a book. I asked him 10+ times (probably a slight exaggeration) & finally just had to go get him. He didn't protest when I picked him up, so I don't think it's that he was trying to avoid nap time.

We talk about cooperation when the time is right, but still, he's just not the same cooperative little guy he used to be. And he's actually a great kid, so I realize this is totally normal behavior (I think) & it's also likely just a phase... but in the mean time, how can I deal & not go crazy? Please, suggestions for how to deal with him & for how to deal with myself!

[ssh]

Right around two LOs realize they have some control over their selves and begin to experiment to see how much control they have. So many go through phases of saying no all the time and most are not compliant at times. Also 2 year olds do not have any impulse control. As for how to deal with it, I'd ask once and then calmly help your DS do whatever, rather than asking multiple times so you can avoid the "lets see how many times she will ask" experiment. The main thing for keeping sane is to not take your DSs behavior personally and also don't have unrealistic expectations. It's good to not react too strongly because strong reactions are more interesting and can increase the misbehavior. You can make being co-operative more interesting by being playful and letting your DS "help" you with tasks. If you can keep the relationship pleasant instead of adversarial while your DS is going through this annoying phase he will gain all of his cooperativeness back in time. My DD is 5 now and was mostly co-operative by about 3 or so.

[t2009]

Originally Posted by ssh 

Right around two LOs realize they have some control over their selves and begin to experiment to see how much control they have. So many go through phases of saying no all the time and most are not compliant at times. Also 2 year olds do not have any impulse control. As for how to deal with it, I'd ask once and then calmly help your DS do whatever, rather than asking multiple times so you can avoid the "lets see how many times she will ask" experiment. The main thing for keeping sane is to not take your DSs behavior personally and also don't have unrealistic expectations. It's good to not react too strongly because strong reactions are more interesting and can increase the misbehavior. You can make being co-operative more interesting by being playful and letting your DS "help" you with tasks. If you can keep the relationship pleasant instead of adversarial while your DS is going through this annoying phase he will gain all of his cooperativeness back in time. My DD is 5 now and was mostly co-operative by about 3 or so.

Thanks for the reality check & the suggestions Ssh!

I find it so hard to gauge my expectations (as in, are they in line with what DS is going through developmentally) & I also have many days of just not being creative... Days when "making things playful" just isn't my automatic response. But I'm going to try to build my repetoire of responses & creative solutions so that I am more likely to think of them on the fly.

Thanks again!

[ssh]

With most horribly annoying behavior you can just tell yourself "It's just a phase. It will go away" over and over again, because most annoying age related behaviors do just go away. LOs go through periods of annoying phases then periods of pleasant calmness usually about every 6 months or so. 2 is often just a difficult year though. One of my least favorite phases was a period of bossiness. We just calmly repeated, broken record style, "that sounds bossy, being bossy is a bad idea because it annoys other people".  The only thing that doesn't seem to be going away is incessant talking. My 5.5 year old DD talks all the time, and when she's playing her toys talk to each other all the time. Of course being an extrovert is a temperament trait.

Have your read any books on development? I like The Science of Parenting by Margot Sunderland (how our parenting effects brain development), Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Kurcinka (identifies temperament traits and gives advice of dealing with them), and the aged based series Your Two year Old by Louise Bates Ames is abit dated but a decent guide on what to expect ( http://www.amazon.com/Your-Two-Year-Old-Louise-Bates-Ames/dp/0440506387/ref=pd_cp_b_2 ). I have been able to find these books at my local library or through inter library loan.

[t2009]

Originally Posted by ssh 

With most horribly annoying behavior you can just tell yourself "It's just a phase. It will go away" over and over again, because most annoying age related behaviors do just go away. LOs go through periods of annoying phases then periods of pleasant calmness usually about every 6 months or so. 2 is often just a difficult year though. One of my least favorite phases was a period of bossiness. We just calmly repeated, broken record style, "that sounds bossy, being bossy is a bad idea because it annoys other people".  The only thing that doesn't seem to be going away is incessant talking. My 5.5 year old DD talks all the time, and when she's playing her toys talk to each other all the time. Of course being an extrovert is a temperament trait.

Have your read any books on development? I like The Science of Parenting by Margot Sunderland (how our parenting effects brain development), Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Kurcinka (identifies temperament traits and gives advice of dealing with them), and the aged based series Your Two year Old by Louise Bates Ames is abit dated but a decent guide on what to expect ( http://www.amazon.com/Your-Two-Year-Old-Louise-Bates-Ames/dp/0440506387/ref=pd_cp_b_2 ). I have been able to find these books at my local library or through inter library loan.

Yeah, I think DS & I would both be best served if I just took three breaths & repeated that (bolded above) to myself!!

I will definitely check out the books... I flipped through Your Spirited Child a while ago but could use to look at it again as DS has definitely become even more spirited in the last month...

OK... In 6 months maybe this will be a lot easier...

[conscious mama]

I find it so hard to gauge my expectations (as in, are they in line with what DS is going through developmentally) & I also have many days of just not being creative... Days when "making things playful" just isn't my automatic response. But I'm going to try to build my repetoire of responses & creative solutions so that I am more likely to think of them on the fly.

Thanks again!

I have a new blog that I'm totally into and has helped me a lot, Joyful Toddlers! http://joyfultoddlers.blogspot.com/  It's written by the daughter of Rahima Dancy, who wrote "You Are Your Child's First Teacher."  Her advice is really practical, and her attitude is a great mix of practical and playful.

[t2009]

Originally Posted by conscious mama 

I have a new blog that I'm totally into and has helped me a lot, Joyful Toddlers! http://joyfultoddlers.blogspot.com/  It's written by the daughter of Rahima Dancy, who wrote "You Are Your Child's First Teacher."  Her advice is really practical, and her attitude is a great mix of practical and playful.

I just discovered this blog yesterday when its author responded to another post of mine on MDC... Looks like it's full of interesting & useful advice!