Anyone divorce without a lawyer?

[mom2p.m.]

I'm just wondering if I can do this without a lawyer.  I picked up the divorce papers yesterday, or should I say divorce book!  There is so much to go through.  I mean I think our case is pretty simple other then the fact that we have 3 kids together.  We have a house, but that is our only debt.  And I'm sure he doesn't want the house as it sits on land that has been in my family for years and is basically surrounded by MY family members.  Our cars are paid off, no credit card debt.  We already split the $ in our savings account.  So other then the kids it shouldn't be too sticky....right?

But I have no idea about child support.  I used an online child support calcuator to figure what he would pay each month and it seemed like a lot.  I'm not sure if he can pay that much.  I mean I was the one who handled our finances, he is horrible at it.  I don't think he will think he will be able to pay that much.  I know, why should I care, but I still want to remain on somewhat friendly terms, as much as it possible anyway.

How much does it cost to hire a lawyer?

Sorry I know there are a lot of questions in this post.  I just don't know of anyone who has been through this before.

[SoulCakes]

I have no idea how much it would cost for a lawyer, because I didn't use one! Yes, if you're amicable, it's absolutely possible to divorce without a lawyer. My ex and I were dealing with the usual aftermath of a decent split-up -- there was some anger, but no one had done anything awful to each other so there was no manipulation, revenge-type feelings, or sense of betrayal to keep us from seeing the forest for the trees. We negotiated on everything. Who got the stuff (we didn't have any shared property), visitation, and child support. Like you, once I ran the calculator I saw that there was no way he could pay that much a month, so I lowered it to a healthy amount that he could afford. Yeah, there are some people who will say, "Why should I care if he has to pay so much?" but I don't think that's a great way to look at the situation. Diplomacy and a sense of fairness are your allies when it comes to navigating divorce -- assuming he's a good guy. This is the father of your children, and someone you'll be parenting with for a long time to come. There's no sense in getting off on the wrong foot.

So yes, I highly recommend DIY divorce! It's not always an option, obviously, when the two people don't agree. But if you're on the same page, it's great.

[NolaRiordan]

I do know people who have done it without a lawyer. I know it can be done. But I agree with the PP who said it requires you both to be very civil and amicable and keep the needs of the kids front and center in everything. My X and I tried to do it without a lawyer and I gave up and finally filed. For me I felt like ti was a full time job to try to negotiate with him and figure out all the paper work. And even though he said he wanted to do it without a lawyer he had NO interest in being reasonable or cooperative about anything. So in the end I got a lawyer and filed. It's laughable to me to think that we EVER could have done it without a lawyer given his position on everything. Anyway, between the mediator and the lawyer my divorce ended up costing pretty close to $10,000. But part of that was the games that he and his lawyer played. Without that I do think it could have been done for $5000 even with a lawyer.

[motherhendoula]

I live in NY and got a divorce 5 years ago - most lawyers quoted me between $3000 - $5000 for handling it.  So yes,i went without the lawyer - i regret it because there was no space to deal with combined debt - and for us  - we had a LOT of debt - it is still haunting me. 

Also a lawyer can ENFORCE what ex 'agrees' to.  For instance when my ex agreed to pay off teh collective credit card debt  - as it was ALL for stuff HE kept - i could not enforce it...therefore, he didnt do it,  so my credit rating is still ruined,  etc...etc...

As for child support ...IF  (and that is a BIG IF)  IF you are comfortable with receiving less from your ex - settle on an amount and write that into your divorce paperwork ...you do not HAVE to follow the states  calculations - but you both must agree on it. 

Remember you can always chat with a lawyer for a 'free consultation'  - do this enough times and you can probably get most of the paperwork complete!

[Advice4Moms]

 You can ask Family lawyers anonymously on a legal forum (such as  www.legalplayground.com ) and see what the attorneys will handle your case for. Hope that helps

[mom2p.m.]

Thanks for all the info ladies, It really helps.

[alicewyf]

My parents divorced without a lawyer. It did cause my mom some headaches because as some previous ladies said, even if you agree to certain payments, etc., to get your ex-h to comply if he decides not to do something agreed upon, you would need to find a lawyer at that point.

My mom has taken credit hits b/c of a house my dad forgot to pay the utilities on. She has had to pay a lawyer more to dispute the cost than the utilities actually were worth.

Also, we were all 18+ when my parents divorced, I know nothing about custody issues.

[Smithie]

I think it's a good idea to go to a mediator, if you look at the payment calculator and see that your STBX can't pay it. 

Why? Because the mediator is a neutral third party who your STBX is likely to believe, when s/he explains what the state guidelines for child support are. Then YOU can turn around and be the beneficent one and say "look, I will agree to less child support in exchange for X, Y, Z," where XYZ is the title to your house, the parenting plan (visitation schedule) you'd prefer, etc.