Family is not clicking with Nanny

[sarshiny]

I hired a wonderful nanny.  She has more credentials than anyone can imagine. She is extremely patient, lots of fun and gives the children 110% of her time.

Unfortunately, my son and her do not get along.  He is over emotional (at 3 - can you believe it!?! ;))  and she lacks the nuturing element that I believe a nanny needs to build a trusting relationship.  She doesn't hug my son when he reaches out to hug her instead she gives him a shoulder rub.  Or she rocks my 7 month old to sleep like she was a log in her arms.  Tantrums go on for hours as she is unable to resolve them (I work from home and listen from my office upstairs).  I have tried staying out of it, he's exhausted at the end of the day and tells me how sad he is all day.  I get involved and the nanny gets upset.

She is also suppose to do light cleaning.  This isn't getting done either.  So I put together a list of weekly and daily tasks that I would like to see done.  It's a very light list (teeth brushed, clothes changed, kids clothes cleaned, kitchen tidied) and yes apparently, i need to get that detailed because at the end of a day, only one or two things will be done.  For example, it's 3pm and teeth are not brushed, and baby is still in pajamas, kitchen is tidy but no laundry is being done, highchair is crusted with dirt, etc.

The kicker is, we have sponsored her and in one month she is to be moving into our house.  Our contract states 4 weeks notice for termination.  I am thinking that before she goes through moving (she currently lives close by) here only to find out it I'm not happy, I need to let her go.  It stinks for her because she then has to refile for her work permit and maybe out of work for a while but honestly, that would have happen anyway. 

I am thinking I will let her go with a months pay.  That would give her the month to find other work and another place to live.

FINALLY - to my question.  Does all of this seem fair to you? I need to go with my gut on this but need to know if I'm being fair to her!

Any thoughts appreciated!

S

[tccandlsccmom]

Sounds like you have thought it out and are on the right track. Go with your gut!

[Gwendolyn's babies]

You said she is a wonderful nanny, but she doesn't seem so wonderful to me??? Your son isn't happy.

[ssh]

Originally Posted by sarshiny 

Unfortunately, my son and her do not get along.  He is over emotional (at 3 - can you believe it!?! ;))  and she lacks the nuturing element that I believe a nanny needs to build a trusting relationship.  She doesn't hug my son when he reaches out to hug her instead she gives him a shoulder rub.  Or she rocks my 7 month old to sleep like she was a log in her arms.  Tantrums go on for hours as she is unable to resolve them (I work from home and listen from my office upstairs).  I have tried staying out of it, he's exhausted at the end of the day and tells me how sad he is all day.  I get involved and the nanny gets upset.

I'd expect more from a teenage mother's helper. She doesn't sound good at all, much less wonderful. Did she have references? Did you check them? Oh, and an over emotional 3 year old is a normal 3 year old. In my DD's 3's preschool class children weren't left to be upset for any amount of time. The teacher was awesome, but she also had alot more kids than just two. Your nanny doesn't sound like she knows what she's doing.

[sarshiny]

Thanks for the gut check everyone! 

[monkeybum]

I suppose I could forgive the jammies and crusted high chair, and lack of laundry and teeth not brushed if she was instead doing something wonderful and creative with the kids the whole time, (or she was just plain busy with them if they needed help with meals, toileting, etc.) which is why it wasn't done (and I know how hard it is to get anything done with two children underfoot), BUT the fact that your son is not happy and the fact that she doesn't seem to have the nurturing that you want (which is part of why you hire a nanny) then I would try to find someone else.

You ideally want someone your children can connect with and enjoy being with when you are not around.

Good luck, it is so hard.