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Would you take your kids on a 1 month vacation without their dad?

post #1 of 35
Thread Starter 

I'm so torn on what to do. I'll be visiting my family this summer, and can't decide whether to go for 3 or 4 weeks. The kids have never been away from exdp (we're still living together) for more than 2 weeks before, while visiting my family.

This time, my aunt has advanced lung cancer and I want the kids and me to spend as much time with her as we can, while she still feels up to it.

But I know that exdp will miss the kids like crazy, too. (I'm mad at him right now, but I'm trying to do the right thing).

 

The ticket prices are too high to buy him a ticket to go for a week or so, but there's a chance they'll go down at the last minute. Of course, we can't plan on that happening.

 

Oh, and my family is paying for our tickets, and they all want us to come for 4 weeks, of course.

 

wwyd?

post #2 of 35

Nope.  I can't imagine going a month without seeing my kids (if it was something like a vacation) so I wouldn't ask my dh to either.

post #3 of 35

I would go, it may be the last time they can have a good time with your aunt. Hopefully tickets will go down, but if not I don't think 3-4 weeks is bad.

post #4 of 35

Well....I don't equate visiting a sick and/or dying family member with "vacation," so I would go. 

post #5 of 35

DD goes to her dad's for three weeks at a time during the summer.  So yes, I would go.

post #6 of 35

I am contemplating this for this coming fall.  My SIL and her family will be home from overseas and I would really love for my girls to have some quality, non holiday (ie Christmas) time with their cousin.  We're a 14hr drive away from them so in order to spend real, everyday time with them we'd have to travel out.  DH couldn't come for more than a week due to work, but I'm really considering extending the stay for the rest of us.

 

I think my answer will come when DH chimes in with his feelings on it.  We can always skype and call and what not, but I don't want him to feel too bad about it. 

 

In the long run, although we would miss DH and he would miss us I don't think it would be detrimental to the girls.  I guess I'm still on the fence!

post #7 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tilia View Post

DD goes to her dad's for three weeks at a time during the summer.  So yes, I would go.



My boys have spent up to 8 weeks with their dad. He is stationed elsewhere with the Navy, and it's expensive for them to travel to see him, so long visits every so often are better than short, frequent visits (financially).

post #8 of 35

Well I would but we are a military family so we are used to it. Not much advice here

post #9 of 35

i am not even used to it (kids haven't been away from dh, other than his million hour work week *cough*) but yeah, i would do it and i am considering it as well- to see both my grandpas (different states) who aren't doing well.

post #10 of 35

If I were visiting family then yes I'd do it for 4 weeks. If I was thinking of going away just me and both kids then no I wouldn't. Mostly because I think that would be too much work for just one parent. With Skype and phone calls I'm sure you and the kids can connect everyday with their dad.

post #11 of 35

Having traveled from the West Coast to the midwest to visit family nearly every year since our kids were born, I would say that 3 weeks is actually probably easier than 2. There's significant 'jet lag' that kids experience with a 2-3 hour time difference and it takes a week for my kids to get back to a normal sleep schedule. Having 2 weeks to be on a 'normal' schedule would be nice. It would also be significantly less hectic because you can fit visits to family and friends in. I come home from our 10-12 day visits exhausted from all the visiting we've done.

 

Whether you go for 3 or 4 is up to you. I don't think, once you're gone for more than a few days, that 3 vs. 4 weeks makes all that much difference.

post #12 of 35

Sure I'd do it... and have in the past. Last summer DD and I stayed at a family summer cabin for 6 weeks. DH was with us for 2 of those weeks and one weekend later in the trip. This summer DD and I and baby DS will go for 4 weeks, DH will be with us for about 10 day of that time. When we are apart from DH we do alot of emailing and phone calls and video chatting but by far the best thing we do is lots of snail mail. DD loves both writing and receiving postcards and stuff and so does DH (and hopefully so will DS when he's old enough). I enjoy it too--it reminds me of summer camp.

post #13 of 35

In my current life, no I would not take DS away for a month BUT all of our family (that we would want to spend time with) lives close by.   If I had family or close friends spread out across the country or world, my answer would be different.

 

OP - from what you described, I would split the difference and go three weeks. 

post #14 of 35
Have you asked ex-dp? If you are really trying to live together and co-parent he should be the first person you discuss this with.
post #15 of 35
Thread Starter 

I asked him, and he said it was ok to go for the 4 weeks. But he has a history of telling me that "it's fine" and then being all bummed out or grumpy or whatever about it, so I can't trust that it's really ok. Basically, he's no help in figuring it out.

I made the tickets for 3 weeks, and now my mom is bummed because she doesn't have any vacation, and only gets to see us on her days off. I can change them for free within 24 hours. So I have my mom and my Aunt bummed because it's only 3 weeks, and exdp telling me that it's ok if I go for 4. I guess I should take him at his word and go? Maybe I should just suck it up and buy a ticket for him, then repay my family for it somehow.

post #16 of 35

No, I wouldn't.  My kids would be devastated to be away from Daddy for that long, as would he.

 

Even when I was visiting my father who was dying, I only went for at most, a week at a time, with my son who was a toddler at the time.

post #17 of 35
I would and set up times to Skype or call every X days (whatever works, maybe he can read them a story every night, etc.)
post #18 of 35

I would.  I'm sure I'll let my ex do that too when DS is old enough (right now its kind of a moot point) as well.  DS talks on the phone with his dad almost every day, and would while we were on vacation too, and we would try to skype as well.

post #19 of 35

I would. This is a great opportunity for your children to spend time with extended family, if it were me I would take full advantage.

post #20 of 35

I would go for the 4 weeks. My DH goes on a bi-yearly international business for 3 weeks each trip. And honestly, 4 weeks wouldn't be that much different than 3. We skype and I send pics and videos from my iPhone every day. Yeah, it sucks to be a single parent to 2 young girls for those 3 weeks but the girls do fine without DH, even though they do miss him. It sounds like it would mean a lot to your family for you to be there for as long as you can be so I would take your ex at his word and go.

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