3yr old BEDTIME ISSUES!

[momv3]

hey all, Im new on here and just needed some sort of.......comfort....advice... whatever lol. I have a daughter who will be 3 next month (june) and she used to go to bed perfectly and just last night she decided that she would start total SCREECHING FITS when it was bedtime and she has started again tonight unfortunatly, I tried to talk to her and calm her down before leaving the room but it made no difference she just screamed over me, so I have just resorted to walking away and closing her door and letting her scream herself to sleep.

[philomom]

I'm sure you've tried less sugar in her diet. More exercise to make sure she's tired and keeping up her night time rituals like bathtime and storytime? If so, then try to be calm and patient with her... it may just be a phase.

Also, at three she should have some language skills.... have you asked her why she's upset? Maybe something has upset her. Maybe there's a new scary shadow in her room. Did you recently re-decorate or change her bed or room in some way? Kids like same, same, same...... it makes us feel like we are 90 years old but they find it incredibly comforting to do the same things over and over a million times.

[momv3]

She doesnt get much sugar ever, at least not on a daily basis, and she hasnt had any change in her bedroom or in her schedule (i wish there would have been :( ) I have tried sitting on her bed and asking what is wrong and why she doesnt want to go to bed and all she does is screech over me ' I DONT WANT TO GO TO BED MOMMY I WANT TO GET UP RIGHT NOW!' over and over, until finally I just say "well hunny it is bedtime and you are a big girl so its time to go to sleep and mommy will see you in the morning ok? I love you" and walk out and let her scream herself to sleep :(

[lemonapple]

Is it possible that she's not tired? I guess that children are always changing and developing, is it possible that she's outgrown her bedtime? 

If you were to let her get up from the bed, what would she like to do? Would it be reasonable to give her some quiet, alone time in her bedroom until she felt tired? 

[ssh]

Making her stay in her room screaming alone is going to make the going to bed issue worse. You need to find out why she doesn't want to go to bed and maybe ask her what she wants to do instead. Asking during the middle of the day would probably be better than waiting until night. You want to avoid anxiety associated with bed because it can lead to lifelong sleep issues. Have you tried laying down with her? Have you tried letting her stay up to see what her natural sleep pattern looks like? Also since it's only happened twice maybe she has an earache or had a nightmare. Is sleeping with you an option? Sleep problems aren't really behavior or discipline issues. You should crosspost in the Family bed and nighttime parenting forum for more input; http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/list/37/the-family-bed-and-nighttime-parenting .

[momv3]

I definetly do not want to start her sleeping with me, or get her in the routine of me going to bed with her at night, I want to keep her on a more strict routine of going to bed on her own at night, doing the hugs and kisses and 'I love you's' and going to sleep, I really do not want to let her get her own way because I think thats probably the worst thing I could do is teach her at 3 yrs old that when you want to or dont feel like doing something that all you have to do is throw a temper tantrum and Ill let you away with it. At this point she is up every morning at 7 or earlier and we are putting her to bed at 8:30 pm, she has her tubby, then half an hour on the couch with her blankie to watch her 'goodnight' show and then its off to bed. She refuses to talk to us about bed during the day or at night except to tell us 'Kalli will be a good girl and go to sleep in her bed later tonight' and thats the end of it ...............until bedtime, when she will say nothing but "I DONT WANT TO GO TO BED BECAUSE I WANT TO STAY UP!"

[JacqNS]

May I gently suggest that you reevaluate the television show right before bed? Television can sometimes have a stimulating effect and may interfere with her ability to fall (and stay) asleep. How about her bath and then a few stories in bed? That might help her settle down a bit and prepare for sleep. 

[momv3]

I actually got the same suggestion from a friend and have decided to try it out tonight, I have had issues before with her when I go in her bed with her at night to read her stories before bed, because once Im in there she seems to think I should not leave, but I may try a story or 2 before bed on the couch and then put her in bed and see how that goes.

[ssh]

I'd try stories before bed and maybe move bedtime a half hour later. 3's an age where some kids sleep needs change from 12 to 14 hours per day to 10 to 12 hours total per day. If this is what's happening your DD might not be tired at her usual bedtime. Right before my DD started going to sleep on her own, we read stories with her in bed. Sometimes she went to sleep during stories. I sat right by her bed where she could see the pictures but she was the only one laying down. We'd read anywhere from 3 to 5, about 30 minutes or so.

[mom2grrls]

Originally Posted by momv3 

I definetly do not want to start her sleeping with me, or get her in the routine of me going to bed with her at night, I want to keep her on a more strict routine of going to bed on her own at night, doing the hugs and kisses and 'I love you's' and going to sleep, I really do not want to let her get her own way because I think thats probably the worst thing I could do is teach her at 3 yrs old that when you want to or dont feel like doing something that all you have to do is throw a temper tantrum and Ill let you away with it. At this point she is up every morning at 7 or earlier and we are putting her to bed at 8:30 pm, she has her tubby, then half an hour on the couch with her blankie to watch her 'goodnight' show and then its off to bed. She refuses to talk to us about bed during the day or at night except to tell us 'Kalli will be a good girl and go to sleep in her bed later tonight' and thats the end of it ...............until bedtime, when she will say nothing but "I DONT WANT TO GO TO BED BECAUSE I WANT TO STAY UP!"

Just because you change the routine a bit to involve you more does not mean she will need it forever.  She's not trying to "get her own way", something is amiss.  Like another poster suggested, I would cut out nighttime TV and evaluate how long she's sleeping b/c she may need more sleep.  Does she nap?  You could read a book in her room while she goes to sleep or sit out in the hallway where she could see you, you could rub her for a bit til she calms down, so many ways to work bedtime besides letting her scream.  I used to tell the kids I would come back on check on them every few minutes or so until they fell asleep.

[JacqNS]

Reading on the couch sounds like a good compromise! Let us know how it goes. Good luck!
 

Originally Posted by momv3 

I actually got the same suggestion from a friend and have decided to try it out tonight, I have had issues before with her when I go in her bed with her at night to read her stories before bed, because once Im in there she seems to think I should not leave, but I may try a story or 2 before bed on the couch and then put her in bed and see how that goes.

[JacqNS]

I had another idea...it might be unrelated but I figured I'd throw it out there anyway. Is your DD getting enough unstructured, outdoor play each day? I find that sunshine, fresh air, and time to just "be" in nature do wonders for sleep! 

[momv3]

I try to get her and her brother out everyday at least for a little while, we have been having some pretty bad weather here lately so it hasnt been very easy, also my husband works fulltime and I have both babies home with me and Im 35 weeks pregnant so it makes it difficult when the weather is bad, but the last couple of days weve been getting out lots.

[JacqNS]

Wow! I give you credit for still managing to get outside under those conditions.  

[momv3]

Alright I would like to thank everyone for their input and advice, we have had a few nights of our little one throwing her fit until she finally passes out (after several failed attempts to calm her down) And she seems to be calming down a little more each night so we are thinking that we made the right decision! Thanks tp everyone who helped out and just for the support system!