So, I've been lurking on this section of MDC since I was hoping to discover some good information regarding how to gain custody (if you've read my most previous post on here, you'll know why). Anyhow, I have read a TON of interesting stories, and I feel like I'm stalking all you regular posters since I'm now getting a feel for who's who and the family situations you all have.
Throughout my reading of these posts, I have been intrigued so many times by the variety of opinions that this forum holds as far as C/S and the roles of mothers, fathers, and step-parents. However, I've never chimed in since I don't think I would add much substance to any questions. But now I'm posting this thread that's not trying to ask a question (or try to pick a fight) but just to get a better understanding of C/S and why people have certain feelings about it, so I hope anybody will feel free to comment. :)
Basically, explain what your situation is, whether your the CP or the NCP and do you pay C/S? What do you feel about having to pay or having your child's other parent pay?
The reason this interests me is because I have noticed that the popular opinion is that the NCP must pay C/S to support their child. But it seems there a very few on this forum that would disagree. And in my own personal situation, I would also typically disagree to the "good" C/S is. But I know there's all sorts of crazy situations that REQUIRE C/S which is why I want to know why.
My own personal experience is this (which is basically why I'm anti-governemt enforced C/S):
I got pg at 15 with my bf at the time who was 17. I had a UC so when the papers got done, he was never "declared" the father or whatever. (ie he's not on the BC, which he is PISSED about and wants me to fix, but now that she's 3.5 yrs, I told him to do it, which he hasn't, so his choice.) I didn't do that on purpose, it was a total accident. I had meant for her to have his last name, and for us to get married eventually, but all that paperwork is harder to do when you have a UC. Anyways, he was always there for me, supported me (not really financially but in raising my daughter), and so three years later when I broke up with him, I felt no need to punish him by demanding C/S from him for a few reasons.
#1 being that I never MADE him pay me for anything before, so why after we split?
#2, I know he was devastated when I ended it because even though he knows it was coming because he refused to ever compromise with me and I got sick of his controlling, condescending attitude, I still felt "sorry" for him since he's basically a good person, just really really dumb. And
#3 I'm perfectly happy with how we work it out now. I consider it a blessing to be raising my daughter, not a "burden" financial or otherwise. I always let him have her when he wanted without paying anything, but after we separated within 3 months he had a few gf's and I started dating 1 guy (I know that was early, but now we're married so it worked out unlike the girls my ex would date) and the moment he found out about my relationship he FLIPPED and started treating me like CRAP. So since then, I have not allowed him to take her whenever he pleases, and if he wants her, he pays me money as well. This is to assure that if he wants to spend time with her, he wont talk $&!^ about her mom. So, in the beginning I never wanted to punish him, but after his deplorable actions I had no other choice. Only, I refuse to get DCS involved because if one day he decides he needs to focus his attention on a new family, why shouldn't he be able to? I will never talk negatively about him to our daughter, but if she asks why he's not around I'll just explain to her that sometimes these things happen. My step-dad raised me and I sure am happy that my bio-dad chose to never interfere. That was the best thing he could've done for me.My step-dad (feels weird referring to him as "step") IS my only father, the other guy just helped by donating sperm haha!
The other part of my experience is this: my husband's ex-wife gets C/S from my husband. But NOBODY can convince me that she uses that money for their son. Sorry but she doesn't. She is a person that literally has custody for the sole purpose to get money. Her mother loves my hubby and can't trust her own daughter, but she also loves her grandson so she takes care of him and pays for EVERYTHING! I'm serious, clothes, food, toys, his grandmother buys, not his mother. The boy pretty much lives with his grandma during the week and stays with us Fri-Sun. The mother has custody because she knows that's the only way ANYONE would ever talk to her, it's all about control for her. If we piss her off, she threatens not to let us have him, if her mom pisses her off, she threatens HER that she wont let her have him. This women goes on vacation by herself, never taking her kids. This to me is wrong, because if my husband had custody he would never want money from her. I just hate how (SOME) women use their kids to take advantage, and the court mostly backs them up because they're the mothers and yet the fathers are footed with most of the bill. I can't get over the fact that she spent 5K on busting her most recent bf out of jail and does not spend a penny on her own kids. Her own family cant stand her but support her because they love her kids. Sometimes, women get away with too much.
I'm pretty sure somewhere on this forum somebody said that these days women demand 100% control of their bodies, so they should also take 100% responsibility of their decisions. that sort of makes sense to me since it does seem that men get the short-end of the deal most times. However, I'm pro-life so right there, if a guy got me pregnant he better know damn well that NOT having a baby is simply NOT an option. Maybe men should be more picky about what women they're sleeping with, and visa versa. Somebody on this forum also mentioned that guy in Tennessee who has 20+ kids and is accruing some insane debt with the state because of all the back C/S he owes. On one hand, that guy really needs to be taken and sterilized, on the other side... what the hell is wrong with all these women?? They don't really deserve gov assistance when all they do is breed with dead-beat losers.
I hope I didn't offend anybody, cause I'm not criticizing people who get C/S but sort of the system itself, or people who take it to advantage. So if I'm way off base and you think C/S is totally necessary please share why, because I can only judge from my own experience which is why I would never ask for C/S. OMG this was a long post, but I didn't want people to get mad at me for my stance without understanding my reasoning completely! Looking forward to your own views!