Oh this is getting frustrating now to explain my situation 100% so that readers wont judge my actions without completely knowing whats going on. So first let me say to everybody who thinks what I'm doing is wrong, you don't know the whole story so I would greatly appreciate if you didn't act like it.
In either my OP or one of my response posts I said something along the lines that if my ex chose to give my daughter up and focus his attention on a new family, then he could do so with no flack from me. And guess what? That is nearly a 100% guarantee that he will do so because he has told me on several occasions that he plans on moving back to his home country and finding a wife and starting a family. So please tell me, if that's what he wants to do, what would be the point of getting involved with the courts (which he ALSO DOES NOT WANT TO DO, if you missed that as well) just to have him move away and make it more frustrating for everyone involved? The one time I mentioned starting a court-ordered visitation/payment schedule he threated that he would start selling drugs to make sure he paid the C/S on time. He is very happy with the fact that I'm not requiring a set amount every month, get it? If I were to do that I know the second we were supposed to go to court he would be back in his own country so fast and nobody would benefit so pleeeeeease help me understand how that's better? I don't want to waste my time with getting all that done for him to bail, so absolutely I will not do it.
And even if I could get C/S paid to me by the state or whatever, why would I do that? My daughter is not hurting for the extra-support and I'm not about to make tax-payers responsible for her so if everybody is happy with the terms we have now, whats the problem? And since I've been limiting contact between my ex and my daughter, she has enjoyed her visits with him much more. He used to be the "mean" parent, spanking her over every little thing, and his family too, I would see how they were with her before we split and they really are harsh, constantly yelling at her for everything. But since he hardly sees her, he is now the "nice" one, I know she gets away with anything since when I go to pick her up she'll throw a tantrum in front of him and he'll do anything she wants. Before she used to cry her eyes out when he came to get her, now she's happy to see him cause she'll get to be a little "queen" for a day. It is frustrating when she comes home because she'll continue to act like that, but she's a very smart girl and all I have to do is explain to her that at my house, she needs to talk nicely instead of throwing fits, and be obedient, and almost always that's all it takes for her to switch gears back into being kind and respectful. If she spends the night though, it can take her another 24 hours to return to herself. Whenever she comes back from being with him over that long of a period she is quite rebellious when I get her back. I think she doesn't appreciate being left with him for too long. So I am trying my hardest to pick up signs from my daughter and not "punish" her as you claim that I am.
If I die, my ex wont be in the country to claim her will he? Plus, I'm not sure I would want her to live with somebody who claims that he's part of a gang and going to sell drugs. Even if he's lying and saying that just to get me upset, well he's simply an idiot. My husband will be here and he will always provide for her and I am certain that should I die, there is no doubt custody would go to him. My entire family is very close and they all love my daughter so I'm not worried about where she'll end up. Thanks for your concern though.