My DD has Sensory Integration Disfunction and is violent, destructive, and explosive in her...

[blopez5293]

My DD is 5 years old and she has SID.  She has violent explosive tantrums and is very destructive.  She was fine in preschool this year but at home she has progressively gotten worse.  For the last 6 months she has been in play therapy, and OT therapy for the SID but she has not improved at all.  She has thrown her 2 year old sister down the stairs over a ball, and dropped her 10 month old brother down the stairs because she didn't want to listen to him cry.  I have dealt with people telling me that I am crazy, and there is nothing wrong with her.  That I spoil her or am too hard on her.  Basically to anyone who hasn't intimately dealt with her outbursts her behavior is my fault or doesn't exist.  Her father viciously attacked her 2 days after Christmas this last year because he couldn't handle her behaviors anymore.  She is now living with her grandparents as I turned her over to CPS trying to get her the help she needs while ensuring my other children are safe.  I know she has something going on beyond the SID but I don't know what.  Does anybody have any ideas what it could be?  Do you have a child who sounds like mine?  Please help me.  I love my DD but I don't know what to do to get her help.  I want to figure this out so she can get better and come home.

[joensally]

Oh dear, I'm sorry you and your family are experiencing this!

Where is social services in this regarding providing assessment and services?

Has she had a multi-disciplinary assessment?  Beyond OT?

Does she start kindergarten next year, and is she involved with any special needs services?

[blopez5293]

My family lives in a small community in southwestern CO and it has been difficult getting people to believe me that she needs help.  I am trying to figure out what she needs to have done so that we can get a diagnosis but it has been like running into a brick wall.  She has been in play therapy for the last 6 months but the therapist only saw her good behavior because she bribed her to be good in her office and told the only child Psych in the area that the problems lie with me.  Because of that the psych refuses to see her.  I don't know what to do.

She does start kindergarten next year and her sensory therapist says it will be a disaster if we don't get her some serious help first.  When they took her from my home they were supposed to put her in a group home for children with massive behavior problems so she could get an evaluation but then my in-laws stepped in with my husband and insisted she be taken to them.  Now not only is she not getting the evaluation she needs but she is not getting to her appointments either.  I am just ready to give up.

Edited by blopez5293 - 5/27/11 at 11:22am

[blopez5293]

She does start kindergarten next year and her sensory therapist says it will be a disaster if we don't get her some serious help first.  When they took her from my home they were supposed to put her in a group home for children with massive behavior problems so she could get an evaluation but then my in-laws stepped in with my husband and insisted she be taken to them.  Now not only is she not getting the evaluation she needs but she is not getting to her appointments either.  I am just ready to give up.

[blopez5293]

Grrrrrrrr

[journeymom]

Her father viciously attacked her 2 days after Christmas this last year because he couldn't handle her behaviors anymore.

What do you mean by viciously attacked?  There's an obvious, possible genetic link here. If her father is violent then that might point to the origin of her violent behavior.  

She has been in play therapy for the last 6 months but the therapist only saw her good behavior because she bribed her to be good in her office and told the only child Psych in the area that the problems lie with me.  Because of that the psych refuses to see her.  I don't know what to do.

That doesn't make sense.  Why did the therapist agree to treat her to begin with?  Even if you do have issues of your own, your daughter in her own right needs help.  Go directly to the psychologist yourself.  Do not give up. 

Does your daughter have a regular doctor?  Can the doctor's office get you a referral to a pediatric psychologist? 

Don't give up, that's the best advice I can give. 

[journeymom]

Are you and her father together? 

[blopez5293]

The therapist only agreed to see her because of the DV with her father. 

2 days after Christmas my DD decided to refuse to go to bed.  This is not unusual but instead of letting me deal with it her father decided to deal with it.  When she refused to acknowledge him he snapped.  He kicked her across the room and then picked her up off the floor where she landed by her hair.  He pushed me when I tried to stop him and starting cussing out me and my older son.  I called 911 and he was arrested for child abuse and DV.  Things got worse with her after that but her behaviors have always been bad.  He and I are not together right now and frankly I don't know if we will work things out.  He got the restraining order changed so he can care for my DD but he is now allowing her appointments to lapse and is not giving her the care she needs.  So even though she is staying there I am still trying to make sure she gets the care she needs.  I just don't know what I should be trying to do to get the diagnosis she needs.  I am just trying to keep it all together.  It is looking like I am going to have to schedule all her appointments for Wednesdays so I can take her on the one day I have her.  I just don't know where to go from here.

[Stephenie]

I am so sorry for everything you've been through. My son is 4, has Asperger's and SPD and is quite violent right now. We have better access to services as we are in a major city, but we are still at the end of our ropes. Reading your posts makes me really glad we don't have stairs. Is there any way you can take her to a bigger city at least for evaluation? Have you had the school district evaluate her? I would do anything you can do to have someone see her and really listen to you. I wish I had more advice for you, but I have a ton of sympathy and I wish I could offer more. 

[blopez5293]

I am at a loss but I am trying to get her help.  It really does help to know that other people understand what I am going through.  I think the hardest thing in all this is people thinking I am crazy or just a bad parent.  I have raised 4 teenagers, and have 4 other children but it is frustrating that everyone thinks it's all my fault.  I wish there were support groups for parents of children like ours.  I am sooooooooooo happy that I found this forum.  It gives me hope that one day she will get better at coping.  Thank you for your support.

[Stephenie]

You may try some autism support groups, I am not saying she's on the spectrum, because obviously I don't know her, but the moms of kids on the spectrum I know really seem to get the outbursts etc and most spectrum kids have sensory issues, so you would have a lot of the same struggles. 

Hugs to you, I know how hard it is when people judge your parenting. :( 

[blopez5293]

Thank you for your response.  I will try that.  I hadn't thought about checking out an Autism group but I had thought that maybe my DD might have Asperger's or high functioning Autism.  I am just so grateful that there are people on here that understand what I am going through.  I appreciate your support and suggestions.  Maybe I will make it through this after all.