Socializing in the digital age

[tankgirl73]

Recent events in my son's life have got me thinking, and I wanted to comment on something I don't think I've ever actually seen brought up in homeschooling discussions.

We all know the "socialization" myth/stereotype/pass the bean dip.  We've all seen the reassuring messages (and probably written them) to parents considering homeschooling but are worried about socializing.  How do you make friends without school?  And we all know about all the other ways kids make friends.  And we know that sometimes is IS hard to spend enough time with their friends when their friends are in school all day long and have homework afterwards.

Well, my son turned 13 two weeks ago, so I let him join Facebook, which he's been wanting to do for ages.  (I know many kids under 13 are on FB but I was a hardass about it heehee) Within those 2 weeks, he's amassed over 40 friends.  That's nothing compared to the 200+ that many teenagers might have, I know, but for a kid who has never been to school, it shows that he IS meeting kids and making friends.  The majority of them are from his gymnastics training -- his home club, but also kids he's met in competitions throughout the Maritimes.  It's especially encouraging, to me, to when HE is getting friend requests from other kids.  He has Asperger's and has some minor social difficulties, and I often wonder whether other kids just tolerate him, or truly like him.  Apparently, they truly like him.

He also has FB friends from his church youth group and from his orchestra and bandmates, as well as relatives and some adult friends as well.  I have to approve all his friends before he requests or accepts them so I know who everyone is.  ;)

But my observation is not just about how this is evidence that he's been getting "enough socialization".  My "aha" moment was that this IS socialization.  Last night he has having an IM chat with a girl from his gymnastics that he's had a crush on for years.  My impression has been that she thinks he's funny, but kind of weird... she came to his birthday party last year, but just hung out with the other girls... she doesn't actually approach him just to TALK to him, you know?  But there they were, chatting away over FB.  Mostly just silly stuff, of course, throwing silly smily icons back and forth at each other.  But they're 12 and 13 years old, that's pretty normal for the age heh.  

And his friends are posting comments on his statuses and sending each other messages and poking each other.  Now of COURSE we know that this is not on the same level as personal, real-life interaction.  And I'm well aware that for many kids these days, digital socializing is FAR too important and taking away from their real life experiences.

But on the other hand, it IS a great way to keep your connection with people you don't see very often.  I know that FB has done that for me.  Rekindled old friendships and made new ones... there are people all over North America that I've never met in real life, but we now know a ton about each other and if we ever do meet it will be like a grand reunion. Because we interact on a regular basis.  And other people who I just don't get to see very often, we're maintaining our friendships because of FB.

And so now my son has that same advantage.  Especially since next year, he's likely going to retire/quit gymnastics in order to put all his spare time into his music.  Rather than losing all those friends, he'll be able to keep in tough with them.

All this digital stuff can certainly be abused, can become obsessive, can take away from real life.  But they do also serve wonderful functions when kept in balance.  And for a homeschooler, especially one who is perhaps living in an isolated community or has a hard time finding time to meet with PS kids.. the internet is another lifeline for socializing!!

[moominmamma]

My kids have for years been involved in summer music programs where the social connections are very strong... so when the kids dispersed to their various parts of Canada and beyond after the summers and wanted to keep in touch by Facebook I relented on the 13+ rule. They have had such fun keeping in touch throughout the year, planning for the next summer, rooting each other on as they take on new challenges, arranging visits and meetups when possible. Many of these kids are homeschoolers and the long-distance social relationships maintained through FB groups and messaging have been a very important part of their sense of belonging and of having like-minded peers. FB has been a very positive influence in my kids' lives.

My ds14, who is fairly shy especially with girls, has also been able to put himself "out there" in the virtual world in ways that would be difficult for him in the real world. He has developed a relationship with a 15yo girl in his youth choir that has been nurtured in large part through late-night FB chats and digital sharing of their creativity (art and writing mostly), where they have become quite close and have developed a fondness and intimacy with each other that is currently treading the murky no-man's land between platonic and romantic. It's very sweet and very innocent at this point ... and has given him a lot more confidence in real-life social gatherings.

My kids are pretty sensible about whatever social garbage crops up on FB from time to time and will unfriend people quickly and quietly if they get caught up in catty exchanges or whatever. They seem to carry themselves above reproach in the virtual world as best I can tell. They have grandparents and great-aunts as FB friends as well, and behave in accordance with standards for social conduct that their extended family would be comfortable with. I honestly can't think of any down-sides to their social networking. 

Miranda