Well it finally happened.He's in jail.How do I tell dd?

[muldey]

Exh finally went to jail.I only found out because my state has a phone line called the vine line,and you can check anyones name to see if they are incarcerated.He hadn't been around for a few days,so I checked this morning,and sure enough,he is there.I believe it is because he did not pay the city a fine he owes.He was arrested for failure to move when he refused to leave my dad's property a few months ago,and fined $150.He was supposed to go to court on weds,and I'm figuring he missed it because he was in the hospital drunk again.They probably had a bench warrant out on him.I'm going to call and see what I can find out,see if the kids can write to him.I'm not sure I want to bring them for a visit.I'm thinking this is a 30 day thing.So he'll get out right before we have cs court on the 30th of June,only to go right back in since he has not made a payment in 3 years.

I feel mean saying this,but I am so relieved.No more worrying about him showing up drunk,banging on my door for hours.No more calling the police to remove his passed out drunk body from my porch(he did this last friday afternoon.poor dd was coming home with her best friend and they had to step over him :( ).

Ds knows,I found out while he was getting ready for school.He's almost 10 and autistic,and it didn't seem to bother him.He gets very angry with his dad very easily.Exh was never very good with him,could never handle his outbursts and tantrums,always making things worse.But dd,almost 13,is daddy's girl.So she may take it hard. :( She knows about daddy's alcohol problem,knows daddy is sick and needs help.Maybe this is the best thing to happen to him,it'll force him to get sober.I just don't know how to tell her.She'll be home in about an hour and a half,probably with her best friend since it's friday.I'll just tell her what I know,and see how it goes from there.This really sucks for the kids.Exh just doesn't care what his problems are doing to them. :(

[Adaline'sMama]

Im not a single parent, but I have a friend who just had to tell her kids that their dad was in jail. Her 12 year old was really upset and locked herself in her room. She also thought it was a 30 day thing, and I just wanted to tell you that if you are in ky it's typically 1 day in jail = $25 towards your fine. Her exh had a bench warrant, and he called a buddy to come pay a fine for him and he was out within 3 days. He has to go to court in a week and they think he will do community sevice to pay off his court fees. My DH has been to jail for a bench warrant for failure to pay a fine before and was released after arraignment the next day (and he had previously been to jail for the same offense twice). Like I said, Im not sure which state you live in, but he may get out sooner than you think.

If it were me, Id give it a few days before telling her until you know what is going on with the arraignment situation. It may be that he gets out Tuesday (as it is Friday, and Monday is Memorial Day, Tuesday is the next possible time he would be arraigned), but is on HIP (home incarsaration) for the next 12 days. Since there are so many possible outcomes, I wouldnt scare her by telling her that he will be there for 30 days. But, I guess if your son already knows, it will be hard not to tell her. I guess I would probably tell her that he had been arrested, and that you are trying to find out more information about how long he will be there.

One more thing, the reason my friend's DH went to jail was because of a court fee he didnt pay. The fee was from when he and my friend had to go to court for visitation issues. The girls both blamed the mom for him going to jail because if she had never taken him to court then he never would have had a fine to NOT pay, therefore he wouldnt have had a chance to not pay it and go to jail. I know the fine your exh had to pay was because of being on your dad's property, and you said that your DD knows he is sick, so hopefully she wont be mad at you, but sometimes teenagers will find an excuse to blame anything on the parent who is the one who cares for and loves them the most (I did.).