How did you choose your midwife and how do you deal with family?

[Dandy Lion]

We're still TTC at this point, but we've decided to go the home birth route when the time comes. What do you think are the most important questions to ask a potential midwife?

Also, how do you deal with unsupportive family? My mom and sister will definitely have things to say about it. They thought I was crazy when I wanted to go natural with my dd, and I know they'll think I'm taking unnecessary risks and all that with a home birth. I just don't want to hear it. How have you guys dealt with family members that think you're being dangerous?

[Youngfrankenstein]

First line of defense.  Google: Dutch Home Birth Study and Canadian Home Birth Study.  Read that actual studies.  It's very helpful.  I suggest you spend a lot of time on this board's archives and you will get a great idea of what to look for in a mw.

[just__angel]

 When choosing my midwife, I read everything on her very comprehensive page, asked other homebirthers in my area about her and finally met up with her.

 The way she felt to me was the most important thing. I told her some of the concerns I had (what if the placenta was embedded, what if I didnt want to do x tests, what about birthing scared me). The way she answered me was just as important as HOW she answered. I told her how I wanted my birth to go, my views on pregnancy, etc and hers were aligned with mine.

  As far as dealing with unsupportive family-  I gave my MIL a short reading list and told her that it was very important to me that I surround myself with only positive energy.  I would answer any and all questions she had but If she wasnt going to be able to be positive and supportive, then my pregnancy and birthing werent going to be a topic we could talk about.

 If its very importnat to you that your family is on your side, perhaps your mom and sister would be willing to have a sit-down with your midwife and have her address their concerns.

[cat13]

Originally Posted by just__angel 

  As far as dealing with unsupportive family-  I gave my MIL a short reading list and told her that it was very important to me that I surround myself with only positive energy.  I would answer any and all questions she had but If she wasnt going to be able to be positive and supportive, then my pregnancy and birthing werent going to be a topic we could talk about.

Wow, I am so impressed with your assertiveness with your MIL!  That is such a great way to deal with this. Fortunately, even though my family isn't happy about me planning a hb, they are keeping their mouths shut about it for now. But if they start giving me grief, I hope I can be a straightforward as you.

[HappyMommy2]

I didn't tell anyone!  Well, 3 people ... two hb'ing girlfriends and my mom.  My mom faked support, and then after meeting my mw, admitted that she was nervous beforehand but now felt totally comfortable.  My mw instills confidence with her knowledge and professionalism.

Edited by HappyMommy2 - 5/31/11 at 8:05am

[mammamo]

My family was great, we have some distant homebirthers on my side of the family and one of my distant cousins had just had a successful homebirth of a big baby, so they were great. My MIL was a homebirther of the 80's and was THE BEST, me and the woman can clash about some things, but she was so helpful when I came to her crying and asking for help finding a midwife, etc.

Meet with a couple of midwives and see how they feel to you, follow your gut.

[Dandy Lion]

Thanks for your replies! I look forward to reading through the previous posts. Luckily my MIL is a wonderful, supportive, respectful woman. When we told her that we were trying, and considering a home birth she was delighted.

[bignerpie]

After my son was born by c-section, my grandmother (she raised me, so I think of her more as my mother) said, "Now you can just schedule a c-section for your next baby!" like it was so much better. When I got pregnant again and told her about the midwife we chose, she asked where we had appointments. When I told her that some were at her office and some were at my house, she said, "Well, can you just have the baby at home, then?" I was floored! I didn't think she would be supportive of homebirth, but she totally was. So, you might be afraid that some relatives won't be supportive, but they may surprise you.

That being said, my husband's grandmother (who actually raised him, too! More like his mother), doesn't know anything about the homebirth and will only find out afterwards. She asked if I was going back to the same hospital, and all I said was "no" without elaborating. She has made very negative comments about homebirth to me in the past, and I don't want to spend the next few months hearing any of it.

My planned response to any criticism is, "I have researched it, I have a supportive and experienced midwife, and I believe that this is best choice for us." End of discussion. I haven't actually had to use it yet, though.

---

My specific questions that I asked potential midwives had a lot to do with VBACs and how to deal with an injury sustained during my c-section, so I'm not sure that will help you. The most important thing for me was to just find someone that I was comfortable with. The midwife that I chose was not the most experienced, but not the least. She made me feel very comfortable and has the "I'm not here to tell you what to do" philosophy. Also, my doula who had worked with many of the midwives in our area recommended her over the others for me and my particular situation.

[tibeca]

I was very forthcoming with the fact that I was homebirthing. At the same time, I informed anyone that had a negative comment to either watch the Business of Being Born or read any of a number of articles I had prepared for them. I can't tell you how many times I told my dad, "Did you watch the movie? No? Then this isn't open for discussion." I'm sure it pissed him off to no end, but I wasn't going to listen to negativity. He tried the "I just don't want you to be hurt," card. I referred back to the movie. On the other hand, my mother was supportive (and yes, they are married :P ).

Birth can be dangerous no matter where it happens. Educate yourself, be confident in your knowledge and hire the right midwife for you. The rest will follow.

[futuremamaheather]

I just went through the process of hiring a midwife, and I'm happy to share the (LOOOOOOOONG) list of questions I asked them if you want it. I started with a list of questions that I found online, and then added questions suggested by some friends who homebirth, and threw in a couple I came up with all on my own. If you PM me your email address, I'll send it on over to you.

[4 in 2005]

Well I have been actively involved with a grass roots movement to get homebirth midwives licensed in my state so most my family knew how I felt about homebirth.   I have not been very vocal about the fact I am having a homebirth because of the alegal status of homebirth in my state.   Those that know were not surprised and knew my long held desire to have a homebirth.  My dad was the only one thrown off.   He actually flew in from Alaska to meet my MW.   He said he still doesn't like the idea but feels a little better since meeting her and seeing how prepared I am.   He saw my birth kit etc and that helped him. 

Then he kept asking about the fact I won't get pain medication.  I said well I didn't have it with 4 of the other 5 so it doesn't factor in for me. (The one I had pain medication was because I went into the ER with a severe migraine that was raising my blood pressure, and I could handle labor I couldn't handle the migraine. And my reaction was so bad to the pain meds it made me know my choice to go pain med free with the others had been dead on.)