oing back to school-How to help DD and DP transition?

[steph66]

I'm heading back to school in August and am starting to get really nervous. DD will be 11 months when I go back. DP will be staying home with her (he works the whole weekend through and has weekdays off) and my older DD will be in kindy. I'll be in school MWF from 7:30AM to probably 4pm or later. Can POSSIBLY come home for lunch but not everday. Tues/Thur will be clinicals (times and locations vary) mostly 5am-2pm. that doesn't include travel time-some locations are over an hour away. I will also have additional clinicals on weekends so we will have to find someone for both kids then.

DD will NOT take a bottle, she doesn't "get" the sippy cup yet. she will "drink" from a  regular cup with our help. She will NOT take breastmilk in any form other than straight from the tap. She doesn't really eat much either. And she is SUPER attached to me. DP says its going to be hell and that he is really scared for when I return to school. He is so afraid he will not be able to comfort her and she will just scream unconsolably for me. I'm also afraid of the same thing although I haven't told him that. I just tell him that it will be a hard transition period but they will both get through it and be closer because of it. But honestly, I don't know. Most of the time she starts screaming if I leave the room and she can't see me. Its been this way for months. I'm the only one that can calm her down And she nurses down for naps and bedtime and wakes multiple times to nurse back down. we've tried just patting her etc-doesn't work. Last week I took older DD to school and then to run some errands, I was only gone an hour but when I came back she was screaming in DP's arms and immediately started smiling/laughing while crying when she saw me. DP said she woke up and would not settle at all, he said he tried everything to distract her, even put on her favorite video and she wouldn't even look at it.  She's not easily distracted when she wants something. I know we're going to have start with me leaving for small amounts of time and work up to being gone all day. I guess I just feel so overwhelmed, I don't know where to start at all. I'm not too worried about the food thing, i know she won't starve herself, but I am concerned about the sleeping and comforting part. What if DP gets really frustruated with her? I know all this could change in two months for the better but I just don't foresee this happening, I can only hope that it will.

I'm already feeling the pressure. I'm in a demanding (understatement!) program and will already be having to return to school next week to refresh and get up to date on my skills etc. The only upside to that right now is that I can come and go as I please, in august I won't be to. And I have NO IDEA how I'm going to be able to get my homework/clinical paperwork done. Last year some days were averaging 8-9 hours to get my stuff done after getting out from school/hospital!! But I disgress...

Anyone BTDT? Any tips/words of wisdom? How do we start trying to put her down for sleep without nursing? thanks so much for reading all this!

Sorry about the typos-NAK!

[steph66]

Anyone?

[MSWmama]

Hey! We have a similar situation over here. I work weekends and DH works during the week. DS is 7 months and doesn't take a bottle, has a hard time with transitions, really prefers to nurse down to sleep, for comfort, when he's bored, etc ... pretty much your standard boob addict. 

Some things that have helped us ... 

- We do mostly baby-led weaning, but when DS seems really interested in solids, we do some spoon feeding. Your DD might be too old for this by the time you get back to school, but what ends up happening is that when I'm gone DS just eats more solids than when I'm there. Weekends is when we bust out all his favorite solid foods! He also nurses more at night (we cosleep).. which is hard, but it does help me know that he's getting the calories / nutrition he needs. DS will take water from a sippy cup and an open cup, which makes me feel better because I know he's staying hydrated. Maybe experiment a bit with different cups for your DD? 

- DH sometimes brings DS to work so that I can nurse him if he's having a really rough day. I work in a hospital, and just meet them in a non-patient care area and use it to replace one of my pumping breaks. It's hard to say hello-nurse-goodbye so fast, but DH says it helps the day go a lot better!

- I worked really hard to get DS on a predictable routine / loose schedule, and DH follows it as faithfully as he can. That helps a lot! I also wrote down the times that we usually nurse (before I did this, I felt like we just nursed at random, but once I started noticing, I realized that there is a pattern), and DH takes DS somewhere quiet to look at books, drink from the sippy cup, cuddle, etc, during those times.

- DH has become an expert at keeping DS busy and active while I'm gone. They go outside a lot, etc. I really tried to stay out of the way and let DH figure out ways to entertain DS on his own, so now they have all these little games they play together. 

- For napping, DS nurses down for me, and DH does have a harder time with naps ... but, he goes through the same napping routine I do, and just cuddles / jiggles / rocks him until he falls asleep. Yes, there is some crying (not alone!), but DS seems to be getting used to the idea that Daddy does things differently. DS often takes a pacifier from DH during nap time, but never ever would for me, so I wouldn't count that idea out if you're comfortable trying it. 

- I think it's a good idea to start out with shorter days and then gradually build up to it. I would make sure to tell DP how confident you are that he can handle it, and try not to let on to DD that you're nervous (easier said than done, I know!). They might have a few rough days to start, but she will be with someone who loves her soooo much, and they'll figure each other out soon enough! 

Honestly, at the end of the day I just had to realize that it was important for me and my family (including DS) that I work a couple days a week. I really enjoy my job and we need the money. I also think it's good for kids to learn to attach to different people in their lives, and to learn that different ways of doing the same thing are still ok. Your DD and DP will figure out their own way to do things. And it will be OK! PM me if you want more ideas or if you just need to freak out a bit. I was really nervous about the arrangement at first, and it's still not ideal from DS' perspective, but we're getting there and it is getting better! 

[steph66]

Thank you SO much. It really helps to hear from someone who's been there. I'm so glad things are working out for your family. We are starting off slow this week and just slowly biuld up. DP is feeling better about this and I've continued pumping him up! lol! Gotta run.....baby needs me :) but will post more when i have time, thanks again!