Need advice...long...update

[Ellp]

Update:

Dd and I had a little talk yesterday and she said that she would rather keep the teacher that she has now over having another teacher, even one who I know Dd gets along well with.  I don't know whats up with that, and despite me basically asking the same question a few different ways, to see if any further details would surface, her answer is still the same.

Dh and I had a chat with my ILs, who used to be teachers and a vice-principle, and their "professional" opinion was that it would be in Dd's best interest to switch teachers.  They have no problem with this current teacher trying to teach Dd manners, neither do I quite frankly, but its just the way that the two of them are interacting which isn't the most effective.

So I guess my next step is to have a face to face meeting with the principle and see if we can have another teacher for the next school year.

**************

Dd is 6 and we started her in Kindergarten last Sept. with a Distributed learning program with the local school board.  (For those who don't know, DL, at least in our area, is a school board run program which supports HS-ing.  They provide teachers, a choice of curriculums, and monetary funding.  Learning is mostly done at home though.)

At the beginnng of the school year we were assigned to a "teacher" who met with Dd twice a month for an hour, just to check in with her on her learning, and to brush up with skills.  The teacher would also meet with me for 10-15 minutes at the end to give me her assessment of Dd's learning so far, and to offer any tips on different approaches. 

So thats the basic info...

A little info on Dd...

She's a very bright youngster and her teacher has identified her as gifted.  She's above her grade level for most subjects and is therefore working at all different grades, depending the subject.  She is however on the shy side, and while it takes a little while for her to warm up to other kids, it takes a lot longer for her to warm up to adults, depending on the adult. 

Here's the problem...

From day one Dd has had trouble interacting with her teacher.  At first I put it down to the fact that they had only just met, and I figured that it would get better as time went on.  However, we're now nearly into the end of the school year and when we go meet with the teacher, the whole situation is downright uncomfortable. 

Dd refuses to say "hello", even when the teacher greets her, which causes the teacher to badger her for a couple of minutes each time we meet.  Dd is reluctant to do the assessment tasks that the teacher puts out, even though I know she knows how to do them.  (Its just simple stuff like math flash cards, or reading a paragraph out of a story).  She rolls her eyes and refuses to look the teacher in the face.  She acts silly and irreverant.  Just simple stuff like that which comes down to plain old rudeness and her teacher calls her out on it each time.

(For the record, I'm not present for most of the hour that we're there, I wait in the hallway with Dd#2.  I do however hear snatches of their conversation through the door.)

To Dd's defence I find it hard to talk to this teacher myself.  The teacher has a way of turning a simple conversation into something of a confrontation.  For example, last week we were away on holiday.  The teacher asked me how the holiday went and I replied that the weather was great and it was such a drag to come back to the almost constant wet drizzle we've been having all spring.  The teacher then tells me that "at least I had a break from the rain, not like the folks who had to live through it all".  She made other comments which basically boiled down to the fact that I wasn't appreciative of my break away from the local weather.

At this point I just didn't know what to say.  What had started out as a "how are you, how was your trip", turned into a conversation where I had to play defence and justify myself.

Most of our 10-15 minute chats over Dd's schoolwork leave me with stress and a bad taste in my mouth.  I really don't like dealing with this teacher myself so I can't blame Dd for her reaction.

So just yesterday I found out that the teacher we've been assigned is the one we'll have for the rest of our time at Dd's DL, through to Grade 9!  I was under the impression that we'd be rotating teachers and we wouldn't have our current teacher again for 3-4 years.  So here's the thing, do I request a change in teachers, or do I stick it out?  Do I turn this into a learning opportunity for me and Dd, that we have to learn to work with different/potentially difficult people, or do I take the easier route with another teacher? 

Deep down inside I know that this teacher has Dd's best interests at heart and that she's just looking to change Dd's shyness/attitude for the better.  Its just the teacher's way of communicating that isn't working on both me and Dd.  WWYD?

Edited by Ellp - 5/30/11 at 5:54pm

[SundayCrepes]

What would I do?...I'd defend my daughter.

I'd also teach her, by example, that we need to speak up for ourselves in a situation that isn't working. If the situation is unlikely to improve via a direct conversation with the teacher, then I'd ask for a different teacher. Forcing your child to be repeatedly "attacked" by an adult is not teaching her how to interact with difficult people, it is teaching her she is powerless to get out of a bad situation.

I also wouldn't leave my daughter alone with this teacher. I know you have a younger child, but there's no reason you can't be in the room with your daughter and the teacher while your younger child plays in your lap or on the floor. My son is 5.5 and he would not be comfortable being left alone in a situation like this. One of the reasons we homeschool is so he can have me present when he needs me. Clearly your daughter is uncomfortable in these situations and she needs you with her.

If this program is unwilling to allow your presence during assessments and to change teachers, I would get out of the program. There are plenty of ways to homeschool without your daughter being bullied.

I'm sorry if I've been so blatant. I just feel for your little girl and I want you to protect her.

[elisheva]

Isn't protecting our kids from having to constantly deal with this type of person one of the reasons we keep their education in the home sphere? I'd definitely request a change and tell them it's a personality conflict. Barring that, there are many, many DL programs in BC...

[syn_ack89]

Have you talked to your daughter about the teacher, to explore her feelings about the teacher?

Have you worked with her to give her coping mechanisms?

I think it is a good learning opportunity, but since you are almost at the end of the year...

I would, however, ask to get a new teacher.

Nak.

[pigpokey]

Well, if you can VERY DIPLOMATICALLY request a new teacher, do it, bearing in mind you may not get one and then first teacher knows. 

I don't think my gifted child of that age would be harmed by requiring him (as mine is a boy) to be polite through 2 hours a month, though, if it's boring to her I think that one on one for a whole hour might be a bit intense and perhaps she remembers how bad the last ten minutes are the most.  Perhaps the teacher would be willing to do a half-hour. 

[moominmamma]

Definitely request a new teacher. We've been with three different DL programs over the years and each program has understood how absolutely crucial that teacher/family relationship is, and how important the chemistry and fit are. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't, and there shouldn't be any blame or hard feelings. To me the "assessment" you describe sounds very intrusive, and neither my kids nor I would have been okay with that -- even if the interpersonal chemistry was good. Is this typical in the Port Moody DL?

At one point we were with a program that got more intrusive than I was comfortable with about assessing learning (no in-person visits, but asking for particular types of evidence of learning, even though my dd was clearly way ahead of the curve). We left that program quickly but even so in retrospect the demands had caused some thankfully temporary disruption in my dd's relationship with her learning and in her willingness to produce "output." So it may only be a couple of hours a month, but it could gradually start affecting everything about your dd's learning.

Get a new teacher. Barring that, get a new DL program. Our DL teachers have always been more like cheerleaders than assessors, friends to my kids not authority figures, supporters not judges.

Miranda

[Storm Bride]

Request a new teacher. If you dd really is shy (I know people have a hate on for that word, but I happen to like it, and it applies to both me and dd1), being badgered about her manners like that is not going to help. I suspect the idea behind keeping the same teacher is to build a relationship, but that's obviously not happening, yk?

If things don't work out, there's still the option of switching to a new DL. We're with SD, and I've had no complaints, except for some issues with their software.

[mattemma04]

I would request a new teacher with the stipulation that you will *need* to withdraw from the program if a new one will not be provided. There is no need to force your child(and you) to tolerate someone you do not click with. If it were a dentist or doctor would you force yourselves to tolerate,or just go to a new person?

Life is way to short to spend it with people who make you unhappy.If you felt the teacher was good then you might have reason to make dd work on this,but you also don't click with her so move on.

[Lisa1970]

Switch teachers. Sometimes, a child is just scared of change and won't make a change even if the situation they are in is not the best. She needs to just take the plunge on the change and see that it can work out. Good luck!

[Tjej]

There are a million DL programs you could find and be a part of if this one doesn't work out.  Switching teachers within the one you have sounds like the best idea for you for now, but it isn't like the fabric of your DD's education will change if you switch programs entirely in the future if that type of assessment still doesn't work out for you.

Tjej