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Loaning money to friends -what do you think? - Page 2

post #21 of 58

I agree with this. my brother in law still owes me $600 since a year ago and I gave up and moved on. He knows I am super mad so doesn't attempt to contact us at all anymore.

Quote:
Originally Posted by zebra15 View Post

Sorry she hasn't paid you but the FB posting is a bit Passive Aggressive.  Ouch, Dh doesn't know, that's gonna be tricky.  At 5 wks out now I don't think she is going to pay you back.  Either she never intended to or she just wont be able to get caught up on her bills to pay you.  Its probably the 1st option but you never know.  At this point I would 'write it off', call it a charitable donation, early christmas present, whatever and move on.

 

 



 

post #22 of 58
Thread Starter 

Yeah, I figured it would be a passive aggressive thing to do.  So I won't do it.  It's tempting though!!!!  mischievous.gif

 

It probably is that they just don't have the money.  But why borrow it then?   And why say they'd be "flush with money" the next week.  That's the part that makes me mad.   

post #23 of 58
It may be passive aggressive but I would probably post it to the Facebook column..also I would make sure she knows that I feel taken advantage of, for sure.

What a crappy situation. No good deed goes unpunished though..
post #24 of 58

I would post it adn in addition i would keep telling her that she is really putting you out by not giving the money back. i would not just let her slide away without feeling some of the burn from what she did. It's not right and by her replies she does'nt seem apologetic at all.

post #25 of 58

me too. I would e-mail and e-mail but not turn mean (yet) at all. Just be nice but plead to her that you have to have it soon or your husband will find out and hit the roof etc. Make her feel awful and realize that you won't forget and let it go. Tell her she has to start paying something. Tell her you have birthdays coming up and the money for the gifts went to the bill so your child will get nothing. Tell her any little story to make her feel BAD! because obviously she doesn't. Also, if she knows your family say that you have to borrow from your Mum or whoever due to losing this so now your Mom also wants to know when the money will be coming back. If you know what I mean. Like it's not just you anymore but your husband and family. Also say you husband will contact hers????  Keep pushing and she will wear down. Good Luck   

Yeah, this happened to me and I did not give up :)

post #26 of 58

I really like the idea about letting her know what that $600 loss is doing to create hardships for your family. You can reasonably ask her to pay $20/week at this point. 

 

post #27 of 58

Lending someone money is a good way to end a friendship. It makes things awkward for everyone and turns someone who was your friend into someone who's in your debt, not a good place to be.

 

I give money when we can, but I don't lend money that we would need back.

post #28 of 58
I'd send her an email saying that you're really hurt and angry and feel like she lied to you, and ask her to set up some sort of payment plan. I might also let her know that if she continues to make no effort to pay you back you're afraid you'll need to take further steps like possibly small claims court. It seems to me that someone who owns a business might be somewhat motivated to avoid bad publicity, maybe?
post #29 of 58

Honestly, the way that she phrased the whole "we'll be flush with money to pay you back with next week" deal makes me think she has used that line before to get money from someone else.  I wouldn't expect to get the money back anytime soon, but keep emailing and reminding her about it.  And yes, if it never materializes, I would move to small claims court.

 

As to whether we loan money to friends, like pp's have said, if we have it to gift to someone in need, we will.  But we don't expect to be repaid.  We never have.

post #30 of 58
I would keep any emails about this, should you decide to take it to small claims -- then you will have 'evidence' of her intent to pay (in case she claims it was a gift).
post #31 of 58
Thread Starter 

Ugly Update:  confused.gif

 

I sent her an email telling her I'm hurt and angry and that I trusted her when she said they'd have the money by the next week.  I wrote that I'm beginning to feel like I've been had. 

 

That brought some drama!

 

She and her husband are offended that I would insinuate that they are "some kind of low-life scum" and her husband went as far as to say that the "shine is off the good deed" and that my "daily" emails to his wife reflects the nature of person I am.   I only emailed every 7-10 days!  There were no daily emails.  He also wrote that it's my fault for loaning money I couldn't afford to lose and that I should have used my common sense.  Both she and he unfriended and blocked me on Facebook.

 

My mom (their mutual friend) sent them emails (unbeknownst to me).  She was assertive, but not hateful or abusive.  She detailed for them the hardship it's causing.  The husband responded by saying his wife never should have borrowed money from someone who wasn't in their income bracket (And what bracket is that?  Broke?!) and that this isn't the trailer park.  (We don't live in a trailer park.  We just bought a bigger, new construction house actually.)  I don't know where that reference came from.  They have no way to know our income bracket as we live in different states and they've never been to our house (though we've been to theirs). 

 

After his last email to my mom, he blocked her email address.  So she replied to him on his work email (they have a home/family business), and now he's threatening a slander suit since he was contacted at his place of business.  His home?  And he said that other employees received the email as well.  His employees are his wife and oldest son.  The son lives with them too,   nut.gif

 

This is CRAZY! 

 

P.S. I had $200 in my Paypal account today though. 

post #32 of 58
Thread Starter 

Oh, and my mom mentioned the wife's saying that the threat of eviction is why they can't pay back the loan, and the husband replied, "I have no idea what you're talking about, and neither do you."  Hmmmm.  So I sent him all the correspondence between me and his wife (emails).  I don't know what she told him about how often I emailed her, but the exchanges were all in one big long (last) email, so I just forwarded it to him.  That way he'll see how often I really emailed and will get the whole story from both sides. 

 

When she first called and told me about their situation, she said her husband was really struggling because his adult step-daughter had recently passed away and that he was self-destructing and had told her she had a week to find a new place to live.  That the money stress was making things so much worse and that she didn't have anywhere to go.  I told him that their situation sounded desperate and I was trying to relieve some of the stress on the family.  Not sure how I turned out to be the bad guy.  greensad.gif

post #33 of 58

You turned into the 'bad guy' the day you asked for repayment of the loan. 

Really. at this point I would let it go.  These people really sound evil and vindictive.  Totally not worth the $600 (now $400) they owe.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by ReadingMama View Post

Oh, and my mom mentioned the wife's saying that the threat of eviction is why they can't pay back the loan, and the husband replied, "I have no idea what you're talking about, and neither do you."  Hmmmm.  So I sent him all the correspondence between me and his wife (emails).  I don't know what she told him about how often I emailed her, but the exchanges were all in one big long (last) email, so I just forwarded it to him.  That way he'll see how often I really emailed and will get the whole story from both sides. 

 

When she first called and told me about their situation, she said her husband was really struggling because his adult step-daughter had recently passed away and that he was self-destructing and had told her she had a week to find a new place to live.  That the money stress was making things so much worse and that she didn't have anywhere to go.  I told him that their situation sounded desperate and I was trying to relieve some of the stress on the family.  Not sure how I turned out to be the bad guygreensad.gif


 

 

post #34 of 58

I'm sorry to hear about your money lending fiasco.  At least you're not alone and not out of too much money.  Loads of people have experienced that and learned it the hard way.  I did a similar thing before and the "friend" turned on me.  She started saying all sorts of  hurtful things to me and it's my fault that she couldn't pay me back...etc.  One day on the phone she went nuts and predicted that I'll have unhappy marriage and a bleak future out of nowhere.  I never talked to her again.  Honestly, I didn't even ask her for the money back and was very willing to wait, don't know why she needed to do all those.  I suspect she meant to break our relationship so she would not have to pay back.  I understand sometimes people simply can not afford to pay back due to job loss or illness, but at least they can be nice about it and say they're sorry.  It's their loss to lose two friends (you and your mom) over one small loan. 

 

You should let your DH know about that.  I'm sure hiding it from him is partially why you're so mad about this.

post #35 of 58

wow!!!! That is nasty!! I'm so sorry you are going through this, and I'm glad your mom is also on your side so they have to be accountable to more people than just you. And, I'm glad they found a way to put the $200 back. At least that's something.

 

I have to share with you something I did as a good deed that backfired on me, because we've all done it. As a result I'm a lot more cautious now which is kinda sad but I need to protect myself. I has befriended a man at my work and his wife and we did a few things together. Then one day the man came to me at work on a Friday and asked if he could sleep at our apt as his wife had changed the locks, emptied the bank account, and filed a restraining order on him. He had no money, did not have his visa (he was from another country) and was in a bad situation. I did not believe he was the type to abuse anyone either. So for a week he slept on our couch until he got paid again and had $ to find an apt.

 

Well, the wife accused me of having an affair with her dh! And threatening to kidnap her children, which is why the police showed up both at work and at my apt on a few calls before they got wise to her. She sent a dead bird to me in the mail, sent a photo of me with a gun pointed at my head (and I was pg at the time, terrified me so much) and several tearful apology letters in between these incidents. I finally got the police on my side and they threatened to charge her with mail fraud and such, and she finally left me alone. She was also apparently doing this to another family and spray painted their garage door or something and got herself arrested. I had no idea what kind of person she was until I did my good deed to give her dh a place to sleep. Wow.

 

I hope this all gets resolved soon and I would just steer clear of them from now on and just say goodbye to the remaining money. 

post #36 of 58
Thread Starter 

Thank you all so much for the support and the advice.  I'm sorry most of you have been in this situation too.  I guess I'm just learning the lesson later than most! 

 

You know, the wife is a nice person for the most part.  She might have overstated their situation (perhaps it was more due to her being afraid he was going to kick her out of their home?), and she has been much too breezy about the delayed loan payment, but I think she's good at heart.  The husband has really shown his true colors though.  After getting his second and third angry emails yesterday, I reminded him that I didn't involve him in this.  He wrote me after my mom wrote him.  I didn't want to involve him because of their marital woes and because really, I didn't know for sure if he even knew about the loan.  She said she told him about it and he wasn't happy that she borrowed it, but you never know.  My mom was suspicious about that as well, and wondered if that was one reason I wasn't getting repaid, and that's why she emailed the husband. 

 

"Somehow" they were able to come up with $200 in the span of 24 hours.  Despite the ugliness, she's glad her intervention helped.

post #37 of 58
Thread Starter 

 

jaw2.gif
 

WOW!  That really stinks!  She basically became your stalker!  Well, that makes me feel a little better about MY situation!  Sheepish.gif

 

Thank you so much for your support. 

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by USAmma View Post

I have to share with you something I did as a good deed that backfired on me, because we've all done it. As a result I'm a lot more cautious now which is kinda sad but I need to protect myself. I has befriended a man at my work and his wife and we did a few things together. Then one day the man came to me at work on a Friday and asked if he could sleep at our apt as his wife had changed the locks, emptied the bank account, and filed a restraining order on him. He had no money, did not have his visa (he was from another country) and was in a bad situation. I did not believe he was the type to abuse anyone either. So for a week he slept on our couch until he got paid again and had $ to find an apt.

 

Well, the wife accused me of having an affair with her dh! And threatening to kidnap her children, which is why the police showed up both at work and at my apt on a few calls before they got wise to her. She sent a dead bird to me in the mail, sent a photo of me with a gun pointed at my head (and I was pg at the time, terrified me so much) and several tearful apology letters in between these incidents. I finally got the police on my side and they threatened to charge her with mail fraud and such, and she finally left me alone. She was also apparently doing this to another family and spray painted their garage door or something and got herself arrested. I had no idea what kind of person she was until I did my good deed to give her dh a place to sleep. Wow.

 



 

 

post #38 of 58

Psh, in this situation I would publish those emails on facebook and anywhere else on the internet I could.  I would quite loudly announce to anyone and everyone I know that they are lying thieves.  Folks get to be users because they get away with it. 

post #39 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by rightkindofme View Post

Psh, in this situation I would publish those emails on facebook and anywhere else on the internet I could.  I would quite loudly announce to anyone and everyone I know that they are lying thieves.  Folks get to be users because they get away with it. 


Is that even legal?  Would that be considered invading their privacy or something?  These people (especially the husband) sounds very cranky.  I'm not sure if I'd really be willing to make an enemy for $600.  Plus if you ruin their reputation, they might feel like they don't owe you any more because you already did the revenge.  After all OP wants her money, not enemies.

 

post #40 of 58

She isn't going to get the money.  All she can do is help to spread the word that no one else should give them money.

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